Am I being too needy??? Help!

[Unicorn26]

Hello guys,

I would really value your opinions on this, I'm going through a bit of a tough time at the minute and I'm not sure I'm seeing things as they really are...

Me and my SO have a super relationship, I really am ecstactically happy right now, he's attentive, loving, open and funny and we get along really really well. My recent visit went amazingly well and everything is fantastic right now.

But, at the moment he is working away in Vegas. This is not the first time and won't be the last either. The time difference is a challenge and also he's really busy so we aren't getting to talk as much as usual. He did call me last night though which was great, even though it was super late my time and I was half asleep when we spoke I was really glad to hear his voice and vice versa. He said he was really tired and that him and his buddy were going to have a couple of beers and a game of pool then head to bed. I asked him to shoot me a text when he got in and he said he would. This is one of our rules, we always text each other when we get home to let the other one know that we are home and safe.

I woke this morning to a text saying that they are heading back to the hotel but they were going to get pizza first. He said he would try and catch me in the morning and he loves and misses me.

Now I know this sounds really petty but I just really need to know that he's got back safe. I trust him implicitly and I know he wouldn't do anything stupid like get totally blind drunk as he's really responsible, he barely drinks at all since accute liver failure almost took his life two years ago (not alcohol related).

The thing is the night before we chatted briefly via text and I know he was totally exhausted and he said he was going to get something to eat the the crashing for the night. He said he'd text me before he crashed but I woke to nothing and although since my recent visit I am so much better than I used to be, I was still desperately worried that something had happened. When I eventually did hear from him he said he crashed straight after we had text and slept for 12 hrs straight. I explained I had been really worried and he was really apologetic, said he totally understood and that it wouldn't happen again yet only the next day here we are again...

I'm pretty sure that's what happened again last night but I just find it so hard when I don't know that he's got back to hotel safely. When he's at home he always lets me know he's home without fail, it seems when he's away it all goes to shit.

I don't want to fight with him or nag him, but I'm really struggling about to get my point across without sounding like a needy useless little girl. I know this is my issue and I need to deal with it but due to past history when he was sick, he disappeared on me because he was unable to contact as he was on life support. This will always haunt me and its at times like this when I don't know if he's ok that it really makes my anxiety kick in so hard that I feel I'm not thinking straight.

[sasad]

Take a deep breath. Now take another one.
I understand your concerns and fears, but he said he would try and catch you. Try being key word. You are both exhausted and stressed. When he is away he has other obligations and work going on. It happens. His battery could have died or maybe no inet available? Maybe he is so tired that he doesn't feel he can handle a longer conversation now?

Now, can you call or text him since its morning in Vegas? Just to check up?

Now on the flip side..
It is not too much to expect an "I'm ok text." If it's agreed on. I understand your fears but don't let this run your life. Maybe talk and not text and explain your fears without sounding clingy, and come to an agreement. Even if it's just. I'm home without you needing to respond etc.
Communicate again. Just try to be factual and don't be over emotional....

[Redheart14]

I'd leave it go. He text you to tell you he was going out to grab a pizza before bed, he's still updating you. It might be that he's enjoying time with his mates and time just gets away. I wouldn't worry so much about it. If you bring it up every time it will probably cause a sore point. He's human he may just have forgotten or simply been tired. Trust in him, I know it's hard not to worry but it's not as if he's ignoring you completely whilst he's out. You got an update, so I'd leave it at that. If he goes away often and you push him on this every time it could impact on your relationship. From your post he sounds caring and attentive so I'm sure it wasn't intentional. Try to relax a little, easier said than done I know.

[Unicorn26]

Thanks guys. I have heard from him this morning and I haven't said anything or brought it up.

I will talk to him later hopefully, it's so hard. We both suffer with anxiety, mine is way more under control than his but this really sets it off. I live in a really quiet rural part of the U.K. and the gun thing in USA scares me to death. When I don't hear that he's home I have these horrible thoughts that he's been shot or robbed or stabbed. When I was visiting we had a scary moment on my last night there when we went for a walk in downtown Chicago in the evening. He wanted to show me the city at night and we got caught up in a crowd coming out of a concert and I got shoved about by a load of black girls who were really aggressive and abusive... He handled the situation really well but we were both hideously outnumbered and it was not a pleasant experience at all.

As sasad said, a text saying "I'm home" is literally all it takes. I don't like feeling this way, I hate the person it turns me into because I'm not really that girl! I'm strong, independent and brave. It's just not knowing that really bothers me...

Thanks for your responses guys. It's very much appreciated.

[MariaEx]

Sometimes when my bf goes out with friends, I don't get a phone call or a good night text because by the time he gets back he is too tired or too dizzy to do any of these things. Although I sometimes complain about that, I know deep inside that I should give him some space. I care deeply about his well being but let's face it, he is a grown up man, who dealt with the world and its troubles before me and managed to survive. I mean, my worries won't help the situation and certainly I don't want to act like his mother or a smothering partner. He needs some space and freedom as a man just like I need some space and freedom in other aspects of my life.
Again, that's my personal experience

[hmrambling]

I always tell my SO that I will let her know that I made it home safe when I leave her house. There have been a couple of times that she has texted me later that evening asking, "home safe?" and then I realize I forgot to text her that I am home safe.

It's not that I'm not thinking about her. I think about her all of the time. It's that the text that says that I am home safe completely slipped my mind.

People are human, not perfect. When people are perfect, we will no longer be human.

Make sense?

[bartinkopl]

I think you should let it go. People are human and they forget about things like sending a text. You shouldn't worry about that at all!