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So my ldr gf of 4 yrs cheated on me

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    So my ldr gf of 4 yrs cheated on me

    Hi all, thanks for viewing this post. So like the titled said my gf for 4 years cheated on me with another ldr. A bit of background info, both of us live in Southeast Asia, but different countries. We have been tgt for 4 yrs and everything was great until a year ago when our trust was broken and it went downhill from then. The guy she cheated on me with is another ldr from Israel that has a hse in her country and go back and forth the country.


    So the story is, everything was really great in our relationship, we didn't really have any issues and we really did trust each other. But half a yr ago, something happened which causes our trust to really go down hill and it was kind of due to my fault back then. She was always the flirty kind of girl, but knows her boundary. She enjoys partying, and will flirt with guys in club sometimes, but when she get back to room we will always contact and Skype each other. However, I am pretty possessive and didn't like her to flirt around. Plus something happened 3 yrs back that caused her to promise me she will not flirt ard. So things went downhill a yr back when I started getting suspicious and checked her line messages. I realised she did not really go through with her promise. This incident broke my trust for her and also her trust for me since I went ahead and check her messages, which is something I shldnt have done.

    Ever since that time, things kind of changed. She was not like what she was before. We started quarrelling over little things and she will just put down the phone when the arguments get really heated up. And when I went to her country to find her (usually a month at a time), the arguments were so bad that she will end up refusing to stay in the apartment and go to her friend's place even though I always end up apologising and giving in. It got so bad until 1 time where she took the ring I gave her and threw it back at me, that was the time when I really felt she disrespected me. So that was when I decided to break up with her in June.

    During that point of time, she told me that she is sorry and will try to change, so we ended up not breaking up. After a month later, I felt that nothing changed so I told her that we shld really break up. That was when she flew over to my country and really asked me to get back tgt. I could see that she was really devastated at that point of time. So she stayed in my house for about 3 days, and we did things normally. But after these few days, although I really wanted to get back tgt, I ended up telling myself I shldnt because I didn't believe things would get better, but I still really loved her. So we broke up before she went back, and that was the start of the whole cheating incident.

    My indecisiveness is prob the cause of all the problems that were to come. After she went back, I started realising that I really loved her and wanted to get back again. But I went traveling with my Friend, so I thought I shld use the time to truly consider this and didn't contact her. After a wk of traveling I went to her country and told her I wanted to get back tgt. However, things were different just after a wk. when she went to find me, she really wanted to get back tgt, but this time there was hesitation and she told me to consider clearly, and she would as well. At time point of time, I thought she might have just move on, but things weren't as easy as it seems apparently. During the 1 wk of our breakup, she know the Israel guy. And during the time of when she was feeling down and vulnerable, they slept tgt. So that was the reason for her hesitation. And things didn't just stop at that time. Even after we came back tgt, she still continues to look for him in his condo, without letting both of us know about each other. So the Israel guy assumed that she have alrdy broken up and I thought we have fully reconciled. And during the period of time from the breakup until now, things didn't become better. We did not really talk much and many times she didn't want to Skype. Also, quarrels occur easily and she just seemed so rush. So obviously things couldn't get better since she was cheating on me and all the times we didn't talk she was with him. So for the past 2-3 months, this has been ongoing without my knowledge until ytd, where I have my suspicion and confronted her. So I told her I was gonna check her fb msges and so did I. I saw her talking with her Friends about staying at that guy place and asked her about it. And apparently at that point of time she was at that guy place. It really hits me hard as I did not truly believe she will do such a thing.

    Naturally was I angry and disappointed, and was really on the verge of breaking up. I couldn't bring myself to forgive her and I really dun understand what she is doing (apparently she dun as well). She told me she was sorry for what has happened but I could not sense that type of remorse and apologises from her words. Despite all these, I went on to ask her if she want to reconcile, and she say deep down she wants but she needs time to thing because of everything that happened. And the worst, she told me she need time to talk to the Israel guy first and didn't want to talk to him now because he is back in Israel doing work and does not want to disturb him. Seriously, I'm freaking piss about this.

    So we r currently giving each other sometime to think through what we truly want. Tbh, after all these shit that happens I think the best course of action to take will be to breakup, and this is the advice I will give to any of my my Friends if this happens to them. But as crazy and dumb as it sounds, I am actually considering giving the relationship one last shot and get back tgt. It's really dumb because I think for a while there's no way I can forgive her, and I dun even know if it is possible to trust her again with this issue etched in my mind. But on the other hand, I have known her for Long enough to know she isn't the type of person to do this type of thing. So right now I'm struggling, a part of me wants to give it a shot, and another just wants to end the whole thing.

    Sorry folks for the really Long story; but I just wanted to give a clearer pic of what's going on. I really hope someone can give me some advice regarding this issue, and anyone with similar issues before please do share it with me. Thank you

    #2
    I am sorry, but from your story it sounded that the two of you were not dating when she was with the other guy. When she said she was sorry about what happened, I guess she did not mean she had been unfaithful to you, just sorry that you were upset over it. I am not sure what you should forgive her, as she did not cheat on you - you guys had broken up and she had told you she was not sure if she wanted to get back together again. She may have acted confusing, but that is still not cheating.
    I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
    - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



    "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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      #3
      Hey thanks for the reply. I think maybe I didn't make it clear enough. I dun consider it cheating if it's just for that wk that we broke up. But we did went back after that wk. she did say she was not sure in the beginning, but subsequently she did agree to get back tgt. We even went back to her hse to visit her parents then. I really hope that it's like what u said that she isn't cheating at all, things wld have been much clearer, but that's not the case. I was made to believe we r back as a couple, our relationship status on fb and photos we took were made visible to all friends except that guy. Everything was planned out to make sure me and that guy will not find out about each other. Well its pretty negative from the things I've said, but right now I'm just not getting the answer I need I supposed. She can't tell me y did she even do this.

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        #4
        Originally posted by Issacsmith View Post
        So we r currently giving each other sometime to think through what we truly want. Tbh, after all these shit that happens I think the best course of action to take will be to breakup, and this is the advice I will give to any of my my Friends if this happens to them. But as crazy and dumb as it sounds, I am actually considering giving the relationship one last shot and get back tgt. It's really dumb because I think for a while there's no way I can forgive her, and I dun even know if it is possible to trust her again with this issue etched in my mind. But on the other hand, I have known her for Long enough to know she isn't the type of person to do this type of thing. So right now I'm struggling, a part of me wants to give it a shot, and another just wants to end the whole thing.
        You tell us she cheated on you right in the title. You explain to us how it happened. So at the end, how is she "Not the type of person to do this type of thing" when quite clearly she is? And is the first time it's happened or only the first time you caught her?

        Relationships depend on trust and LDR's have to have almost an extra factor of trust. Once that is shattered, it's hard to put those pieces back together because it will never be the same. It can never go back to what it was even if you forgive them and try to work out it. I've had friends forgive their spouses (not just bf/gf and I think maybe it's because they had so much vested and kids involved) and work through it. Me, I respect myself too much to take someone back after that. They didn't respect me or our relationship so they can kindly remove themselves from my life and let me find someone who does.
        To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

        ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

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          #5
          Originally posted by Issacsmith View Post
          I dun consider it cheating if it's just for that wk that we broke up. But we did went back after that wk. she did say she was not sure in the beginning, but subsequently she did agree to get back tgt. We even went back to her hse to visit her parents then. I really hope that it's like what u said that she isn't cheating at all, things wld have been much clearer, but that's not the case. I was made to believe we r back as a couple, our relationship status on fb and photos we took were made visible to all friends except that guy. Everything was planned out to make sure me and that guy will not find out about each other. Well its pretty negative from the things I've said, but right now I'm just not getting the answer I need I supposed. She can't tell me y did she even do this.
          Why she did it? Well, you obviously got back together way too soon. You have a habit of breaking up and getting right back together again, you have done it several times. In the end, I am sur it does not make that much of a difference if you are together or not, because the both of you are always half comitted, half not commited and when she was unsure, she acted accordingly.
          I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
          - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



          "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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