hiding SO from friends

[Happy_Girl]

I feel bad for hiding my SO from my friends. I know its unfair to him and its my selfishness but i dont like how my friends react when they know how we met(online and havent met in person yet) and who he is…people around me dont really get into online and interraccial relationship so i did try to tell some and from their face they were like 'whats wrong with guys with same race around you'. But of course they never said that. I dont want them to look down or question my relationship or feel like im not serious in my relationship…i want to tell them only after my SO and i meet in person. I could use some advice. Thanks in advance

[snow_girl]

I would feel super shitty if I was your SO. Tell your friends, and if they don't like it they aren't your friends

[sasad]

Agreed.... Real friends would understand and support you... I HATED it when I was hidden

[Honour]

Yeah, I agree with snow_girl and sasad. Besides, who gives a damn whether or not they like it or agree with it. If you're happy, it's not for them to judge/decide on.

[bartinkopl]

Totally agree - you should tell them. It's your SO, not theirs...

[kittyxuchiha11]

I hid my ex away from quite a few people, for the first few months because it's such a weird stigmatized thing meeting someone online never mind being in a LDR with them. For ages i was terrified of telling even my family about her but i eventually did and sure they gave me the whole there will be someone closer speech they respected what i was doing and told me if it made me happy then to go with it. With my current SO i've just been frank with everyone and told them and amazingly people don't really have a problem with it. and honestly even if they do i just ignore them because it doesn't matter what other people think. If someone looks down on you for something that makes you happy then you don't need them in your life, Good luck :3

[Miasmata]

I know it can be scary to share something intimate about you, especially when you're scared you'll be rejected for it, but seriously, a real friend would be happy for you or at the very least interested why this makes you happy. Anyone who's so petty to reject you just because you are doing something they wouldn't is not deserving of your friendship. Try going for it!

[staruletto]

In the end it's your life, not theirs. But I do completely understand where you're coming from. With that said, when I did tell my friends, they were and have been very supportive of me and things that make me happy. I still have yet to tell my mom though. But she was not very open to me traveling abroad before, she seems to be opening up to it more now, so I'll probably let her in on it in the near future.

[Happy_Girl]

He does feel upset because of this and not talking to me . i did tell some of my friends and they've been supportive. just not every friends. i've been thinking about this whole night. maybe its hard but i have to go through all these because it's my decision to be in the relationship as well. hardship is part of my relationship. Thanks everyone for the advices.

[Brat*I*am]

I don't tell everyone either just because I am a private person. When people don't understand something they pry way too much for my comfort. It's your decision to tell or not. No one is in your exact shoes so they don't get to tell you your choice is wrong. You do what's right for you.

[Mims27]

Are you embarassed about your SO or being in an LDR, or it being interracial? If not, then you have nothing to hide. What they think doesn't matter, it's not their business. As some others have already said, if I was your SO I would be pretty upset too...

[Miasmata]

I don't tell everyone either just because I am a private person. When people don't understand something they pry way too much for my comfort. It's your decision to tell or not. No one is in your exact shoes so they don't get to tell you your choice is wrong. You do what's right for you.

That is definitely true. Sometimes, it can be outright dangerous to share intimate details about yourself. But if it's "just" shyness or the fear of rejection stopping someone from sharing something they do want to share, then I'd still say go for it and give it an honest shot, you might be surprised.

[Honour]

I don't tell everyone either just because I am a private person. When people don't understand something they pry way too much for my comfort. It's your decision to tell or not. No one is in your exact shoes so they don't get to tell you your choice is wrong. You do what's right for you.

Pretty private person in RL too, so I 100% agree with this.

[BaconGirl05]

In the 3 and a half years I've been with my SO, I've learned that not everyone will be accepting of your relationship. I know it can be scary to tell people though. During high school, my friends knew about my relationship. They were never supportive and they would always try to set me up with someone if we went somewhere. During my visit with my SO, I would get messages from those friends that said "To be honest, I never thought it would work out." or "I never supported you." Even AFTER I came back from a long visit with my SO, they still weren't supportive. Needless to say, they aren't my friends anymore. Real friends will care and be supportive of it. No, they might not understand it, but they will still show they care. They will show interest in your relationship and want to know more about it.

Surround yourself with supportive friends and family. I know the thought of rejection is scary. For me now, I have a few close friends and a very supportive mother. I think this kind of thing shows you who your true friends really are.

Also, you always have us on here. We're all in the same boat and we understand what it's like. We all support you

[hmrambling]

people around me dont really get into online and interraccial relationship

You're 23. The older I get, the less I care about what other people think. I surround myself with open-minded, loving, accepting people. There came a time in my life that I just didn't have the time or energy to spend with people who were not open-minded, loving, and accepting.

Maybe this is less about your friends, and more about you being true to yourself.

I've been in a relationship where I was a secret. The fact that I was a secret was one of the primary reasons that we are no longer in a relationship. I conscience would not allow me to continue to be someone's secret. I'm worth more than that.

I want/need a partner who is proud to have me as a girlfriend.