I need your help, please.
I am in crisis mode.
My boyfriend and I just got into a huge fight, and I don't know if it can be salvaged. We just had a screaming match over the phone where he said he didn't want to speak to me again.
We have been in a long distance relationship for two and a half months... but had been dating for a year and a half.
He had just moved some three months ago to Africa. Since then, we were doing so well--even better than when we were together physically. From a distance, we were more in love than ever before. We were head over heels. Whatever problems we had in the past, we forgot about them and we were looking on to the future. We've had our share of fights, but we always would try to talk them out. He especially drove these initiatives.
We were supposed to have our first visit over Thanksgiving, but were not sure about who was coming to see whom.
While making plans to come see each other these past days, things got really stressful.
Because of his workload, we decided at the last minute that I should be the one to come to him. If I am to leave on my desired departure date (a week from now--good prices and given leave for the holidays), I would need to get the ball rolling on the visa. This was a huge bomb. In the back of my mind, I was regretting deeply our indecisiveness and taking so long to make plans. Frankly, I was disappointed in him that he had poor planning skills.
Still, he was supportive and also reassured he would help pay for the expenses.
Today, I spent the whole day trying to get the components for the visa so I could submit it in time. All in a day, I was on the phone with travel agents, the embassy, and visa specialists. I got vaccinations and blood drawn. I was filling out forms and getting photos and bank statements.
Normally it takes seven days for them to process visas, and with a week left til my desired departure and it being a Friday, I was determined to get the application out today.
When my boyfriend called to check in on the progress, I was both frazzled yet hopeful that we were making strides with the visa issue.
It slipped out and I said that people (my confidants and myself) are frustrated with him (mainly because of his indecision and not planning this sooner). Of course, I really meant I was frustrated, but I mentioned a particular person who works with us (we are colleagues--mind you, in a place where inter office dating is not taboo). She is my senior partner and we share the work in managing the division. While I was running around to take care of the visa issue, she was holding down the fort. He knows this colleague is very close to me and she can be trusted. He knew that she knew about us. Still, he was mad that I told her about our issue with the visa.
I went to her because she could help. She knows the travel industry very well and could shed light on my concerns since we were pressed for time.
He says I shouldn't be talking to people at work about our problems. This mutual colleague of ours knows nothing else about us, no intimate details. I was only seeking her help so that we could see each other.
He's arguing that I could've gone to other people--but seriously, for convenience, she was right there. She is trustworthy. She is knowledgeable about the issue. So why not?
She was only trying to help us get together.
Tonight, after trying to move mountains to get that visa to come see him, he decides to break up. He says he can't do this anymore. He won't change his mind. He says he will no longer speak to me.
I am really in shock.
Things were unbelievably amazing since we parted, deliriously so. We talked everyday. We expressed and shared everything. We constantly said I love you. We strived to talk about issues so as to make us stronger. We verbalized this. I'm not just telling you from observation.
I know he has a habit of crumbling under pressure and stress. When tensions arise, he immediately shuts himself in and pushes everyone away. But is his decision to end it final? Our arguing over the phone tonight was pretty intense.
He was shouting. He didn't let me say much. He said he didn't want to see me and that this would be the last time we would talk. He then hung up on me.
Where did this come from??
Do you think it was just so much stress on his shoulders?--He had just traveled back this morning from a business trip. Work has been stressful lately. To add to that, maybe he felt he failed me with our visit plans falling apart?
Why would he throw everything away over this? It was all a misunderstanding. Of course I still love him immensely; so I would hate to see things end like this because of a misunderstanding. I honestly hope, he comes to his senses and back to me.
What is going on in his mind? What next steps should I take?
I am in crisis mode.
My boyfriend and I just got into a huge fight, and I don't know if it can be salvaged. We just had a screaming match over the phone where he said he didn't want to speak to me again.
We have been in a long distance relationship for two and a half months... but had been dating for a year and a half.
He had just moved some three months ago to Africa. Since then, we were doing so well--even better than when we were together physically. From a distance, we were more in love than ever before. We were head over heels. Whatever problems we had in the past, we forgot about them and we were looking on to the future. We've had our share of fights, but we always would try to talk them out. He especially drove these initiatives.
We were supposed to have our first visit over Thanksgiving, but were not sure about who was coming to see whom.
While making plans to come see each other these past days, things got really stressful.
Because of his workload, we decided at the last minute that I should be the one to come to him. If I am to leave on my desired departure date (a week from now--good prices and given leave for the holidays), I would need to get the ball rolling on the visa. This was a huge bomb. In the back of my mind, I was regretting deeply our indecisiveness and taking so long to make plans. Frankly, I was disappointed in him that he had poor planning skills.
Still, he was supportive and also reassured he would help pay for the expenses.
Today, I spent the whole day trying to get the components for the visa so I could submit it in time. All in a day, I was on the phone with travel agents, the embassy, and visa specialists. I got vaccinations and blood drawn. I was filling out forms and getting photos and bank statements.
Normally it takes seven days for them to process visas, and with a week left til my desired departure and it being a Friday, I was determined to get the application out today.
When my boyfriend called to check in on the progress, I was both frazzled yet hopeful that we were making strides with the visa issue.
It slipped out and I said that people (my confidants and myself) are frustrated with him (mainly because of his indecision and not planning this sooner). Of course, I really meant I was frustrated, but I mentioned a particular person who works with us (we are colleagues--mind you, in a place where inter office dating is not taboo). She is my senior partner and we share the work in managing the division. While I was running around to take care of the visa issue, she was holding down the fort. He knows this colleague is very close to me and she can be trusted. He knew that she knew about us. Still, he was mad that I told her about our issue with the visa.
I went to her because she could help. She knows the travel industry very well and could shed light on my concerns since we were pressed for time.
He says I shouldn't be talking to people at work about our problems. This mutual colleague of ours knows nothing else about us, no intimate details. I was only seeking her help so that we could see each other.
He's arguing that I could've gone to other people--but seriously, for convenience, she was right there. She is trustworthy. She is knowledgeable about the issue. So why not?
She was only trying to help us get together.
Tonight, after trying to move mountains to get that visa to come see him, he decides to break up. He says he can't do this anymore. He won't change his mind. He says he will no longer speak to me.
I am really in shock.
Things were unbelievably amazing since we parted, deliriously so. We talked everyday. We expressed and shared everything. We constantly said I love you. We strived to talk about issues so as to make us stronger. We verbalized this. I'm not just telling you from observation.
I know he has a habit of crumbling under pressure and stress. When tensions arise, he immediately shuts himself in and pushes everyone away. But is his decision to end it final? Our arguing over the phone tonight was pretty intense.
He was shouting. He didn't let me say much. He said he didn't want to see me and that this would be the last time we would talk. He then hung up on me.
Where did this come from??
Do you think it was just so much stress on his shoulders?--He had just traveled back this morning from a business trip. Work has been stressful lately. To add to that, maybe he felt he failed me with our visit plans falling apart?
Why would he throw everything away over this? It was all a misunderstanding. Of course I still love him immensely; so I would hate to see things end like this because of a misunderstanding. I honestly hope, he comes to his senses and back to me.
What is going on in his mind? What next steps should I take?
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