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A little doubt, what should I do?

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    A little doubt, what should I do?

    Hi everyone, it's nice to meet you all. So, me and my bf are about 7500 miles apart. I am Indonesian and He is Russian. We have been in a long distance relationship since January 2015. We finally did meet up in person in August. We've got a lot of things in common esp about adventures. I am soooo into mountains. And he's always craved for beaches. So when he visited me, we went for a very wonderful trip, exploring mountains and beaches in Java Island.

    He quit the job, for the job put him into a very high pressure. Then he came up to a decision to visit me, for a month. At first I thought it was sort of long period of time. But when we spent time together, damn.... it was like I didn't want him to go back home. The goodbye, the hug, hurt. And now we have no idea when we will meet again. The thing is that, if he wants to visit me he has to spend time at least 2 weeks coz he believes that he comes a long way, and he doesn't want to waste things in just couple days. And it's impossible to get such long holiday or day-off when he is at work, unless quitting. We were fortunate back then, he got long holiday by the time I graduated. So we did use time very, very well. Now that we both are at work, we're still working on the possibility to meet again. And we have no idea when.

    That's a lil story about us. To be honest this is my first time dealing with an LDR thing. I would really appreciate you guys if you're willing to open, share your thoughts, experiences, and advices. I'll spill the bean about how he came up to a decision to start a relationship with me. A bit dramatic but okay.

    In fact he had already had a gf before we met. And she's Indonesian, too. I figured it out myself, he was not being honest, well, that shitty. He had an LDR too with his ex gf he already known for three years but never met each other, not for one time. Never. He said it was complicated with the girl that he kept on longing to meet. Then we met, we felt good about each other, we became closer, until I figured it out myself that he, in fact, already had a gf. I got insanely mad at him. But then I made him to make up his mind, I said that it was okay just to befriend. If only I had known he already got a gf, I wouldn't be a fool just to cheat. But the truth that he wanted to be with me he said. So I tried to put a trust on him, until he showed his feelings that he was sure about me. About us. Then we met up.

    At the beginning of getting to know him, I ever asked him whether he had other friends from Indonesia or not. He said yes, just some girl. And I didn't pay big attention on it till I figured it out myself about the fact that at that time he was still in the relationship with her and he hooked me up.
    It was unbelievable.

    I know it's in the past, I let it go. He's with me now anyway, but somehow... I feel like it just pops out in my head, and there comes doubt. It could happen to me, don't you think? Coz there's always possibility. So.... that's the story goes. Comments, please? Thanks.
    Last edited by Eff; November 20, 2015, 05:18 AM.

    #2
    i think jealousy is a normal thing, even when you trust your SO. But you need to keep an open mind. He will have friends, girls, but that doesn't necessarily mean he will leave you for them. Be upfront with him about this situation... communication is key. If he loves you, he will understand your fears. That said, he "cheated" on the other girl with you, right? That's a red flag in my book.

    About the visits... you could visit him whenever you get time off work, a LDR is teamwork. I don't think it's fair that he has to quit his job again in order to be able to visit.

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      #3
      Not only did he cheat on the other girl with you, but you were aware that there was another girl when you continued to have a relationship.

      Trust is earned. It may take a while for you two to work through any concerns or doubts. Talk to him about it.

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        #4
        Thank you, pizza_heart, for the comment.
        Yea, right. Now im more like open-minded, but still need to be upfront too... and about the visit, I'm thinking about visiting him, maybe after a year of working, only by then I'm allowed to have long holiday.

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          #5
          Thanks, hmrambling for ur concern. Well yes, I was aware of that girl, but the thing is that I made him to make up his mind. I wasn't saying OK-now-it's-your-call-so-what-do-you-say-me-or-her kind of thing.... but it's more like, I made him "think" about what he did to me and the girl. I was like stepping back, and made a distance on him. Nothing but silence with us for weeks. Then he came back, convincing me that he had done with her.

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