Confused

[bartinkopl]

Hello LFAD

[differentcountries]

All summer SO has not found tıme to talk to me even 5 mınutes each day. He has sımply been exhausted wıth lots to do. It happens. The most ımportant thıng ıs to talk about ıt. Dont assume that people are not busy. Of course she could be avoıdıng you but people are also genuınly busy or tıred. If you accuse her of ıgnorıng you when she ıs not then of course she wıll be upset.

[sasad]

I know its new for you two for your LDR and visits are short ...
Can you all set up a specific date night once a week ? Make it special.. plan do something together.
She is back in school and that can be stressful enough with everything going on. Relax a little bit and let her get into her groove as well. With both of you stressing out, that could be a little rough.

[ChloChlo]

Is your girlfriend an introvert? I remember when I was in school, working on projects every night, going to a movie marathon, and doing normal daily stuff would leave me drained. I would definitely need an "alone day" where I read a book and fall asleep to recharge. I'm still like that, in fact. When life gets busy and I don't have any "down time" to be alone, I start to shut down. It's like a mini-depression. I ignore things and people I love, or don't seem like myself around them, because I just don't have anything left over to give them. I still love them, but I'm exhausted.

Making a regular "date night" is a great idea. It gives her time to plan how to spend her energy - I know I always appreciate that.

[bartinkopl]

Oh, and I thought

[ChloChlo]

She is definitely an introvert, sometimes she doesn't even know how to express her feelings to me, because it's hard for her. What are you saying really fits her - just as you would be talking about her. Do you have any suggestions about what should I do when she is having such "mini-depression"?

A lot of introverts feel bad that they need alone time. They feel guilty. So when she seems to be pulling away or not responding, don't panic! She is doing what she needs to get herself back on track. Be supportive of her need to do that. Whether she needs time to read and nap, watch TV alone, or take walks alone - encourage her to take care of herself, and don't take it personally. An introvert reading until they fall asleep is like when other people go out for drinks with friends after work. It's fun for them and they don't mean to make other people feel shut out.

Maybe plan some nice, calm online dates - my partner and I are both introverts with busy lives, so we will often watch a movie or TV show online together with a chat program open. We'll spend a couple hours being couch potatoes, just typing "lol, that was funny" every once and a while. We take turns picking what to watch. I really like it because it's not demanding of my energy, we can relax, and it's a sweet, soothing feeling of intimacy...as though we were sitting at home watching something together. And it leaves us feeling connected but not drained. Do you think something like that would appeal to her?

[bartinkopl]

A lot of introverts feel bad that they need alone time. They feel guilty. So when she seems to be pulling away or not responding, don't panic! She is doing what she needs to get herself back on track. Be supportive of her need to do that. Whether she needs time to read and nap, watch TV alone, or take walks alone - encourage her to take care of herself, and don't take it personally. An introvert reading until they fall asleep is like when other people go out for drinks with friends after work. It's fun for them and they don't mean to make other people feel shut out.

Maybe plan some nice, calm online dates - my partner and I are both introverts with busy lives, so we will often watch a movie or TV show online together with a chat program open. We'll spend a couple hours being couch potatoes, just typing "lol, that was funny" every once and a while. We take turns picking what to watch. I really like it because it's not demanding of my energy, we can relax, and it's a sweet, soothing feeling of intimacy...as though we were sitting at home watching something together. And it leaves us feeling connected but not drained. Do you think something like that would appeal to her?

Yeah

[whatruckus]

She could be busy with school stuff, I'm not sure how it is in Poland, but here in the US around this time of year is when Mid-Terms/Final exams are and they usually account for a lot of your grade. It's understandable maybe she is studying for exams or maybe has to write a lot papers for her classes.

Like DC's SO, mine is also pretty busy and his line of work (Prison Guard) stresses him out and makes him very tired all the time. There's been plenty of times I haven't been able to talk to him for days, and it was worse when he was in the military. I think like everyone else suggested, definitely try to schedule out some quality time to talk. My visits tend to be short as well (only a weekend usually), and they're now spreading out to twice a month (at most) to once a month, to even once a month and a half. We used to see each other every weekend, so I know how it feels to go from talking every day to barely talking. It sucks, but that's one of the things that comes with being in an LDR.

[ChloChlo]

Yeah, I might have freaked out a little bit, cause I am simply not used to it and I couldn't understand what's happening - I was seeking for a reason but I couldn't find one. What website/service are you using for watchin TV shows online? I think it might appeal to her, she likes romance movies and so do I - I guess watching them together would be a nice thing to do. She also wanted to play one game with me, because I told her about it, but she doesn't have much time - maybe we will work this out this weekend.

We usually find something to watch on YouTube, or a site called Solarmovie.

Good luck for this weekend!

[bartinkopl]

She could be busy with school stuff, I'm not sure how it is in Poland, but here in the US around this time of year is when Mid-Terms/Final exams are and they usually account for a lot of your grade. It's understandable maybe she is studying for exams or maybe has to write a lot papers for her classes.

Like DC's SO, mine is also pretty busy and his line of work (Prison Guard) stresses him out and makes him very tired all the time. There's been plenty of times I haven't been able to talk to him for days, and it was worse when he was in the military. I think like everyone else suggested, definitely try to schedule out some quality time to talk. My visits tend to be short as well (only a weekend usually), and they're now spreading out to twice a month (at most) to once a month, to even once a month and a half. We used to see each other every weekend, so I know how it feels to go from talking every day to barely talking. It sucks, but that's one of the things that comes with being in an LDR.

That's what

[Honour]

Yeah, I agree with what everyone's said. My SO knows I've been particularly struggling with uni work as of late and has ensured that we stay in touch as much as we can. I've tried to ensure much the same as well. Everyone deals with it differently though. I'm sure once she's less stressed, it will be easier for you both.

[farandaway]

Maybe it's not needy but we are so different. Sometimes circumstances make it difficult to talk as often as we'd like. I am clearly the more needy one and because of the time difference I'm the one who puts kids to bed in the evening and I look for SO online. For him (9 hours behind) it's the worst time of the day. Too early for lunch and just cuts his day off so bad. But he can arrange it sometimes. We depend on his mom's condition and mood since he is caregiving for her. It's absolutely not easy but it has to be worth it most of the time or else it's so draining.

We've gone from talking all the time to barely talking. It's slightly better now. The introvert bit is interesting. My SO is maybe in my society's standards not introvert but for an American he definately is. He doesn't need or want people around him, he needs his quiet time and sometimes he turns me down even though I'd like to be there for him when it's hard. If it's a sudden change I would want to talk about it or if it's something not like her at all. Still after 3+ years I'm learning a lot about my SO. A lot.

[farandaway]

Maybe it's not needy but we are so different. Sometimes circumstances make it difficult to talk as often as we'd like. I am clearly the more needy one and because of the time difference I'm the one who puts kids to bed in the evening and I look for SO online. For him (9 hours behind) it's the worst time of the day. Too early for lunch and just cuts his day off so bad. But he can arrange it sometimes. We depend on his mom's condition and mood since he is caregiving for her. It's absolutely not easy but it has to be worth it most of the time or else it's so draining.

We've gone from talking all the time to barely talking. It's slightly better now. The introvert bit is interesting. My SO is maybe in my society's standards not introvert but for an American he definately is. He doesn't need or want people around him, he needs his quiet time and sometimes he turns me down even though I'd like to be there for him when it's hard. If it's a sudden change I would want to talk about it or if it's something not like her at all. Still after 3+ years I'm learning a lot about my SO. A lot.