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How to trust LDR in the beginning?

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    #1

    How to trust LDR in the beginning?

    I have trust issues in general after being hurt a lot of times. BUT the LDR thing makes it even worse. It's not like I can go over to the persons house and surprise them or interview the persons friends. I have these awful wild stories I make up in my head..."he has a wife" or "he's really an international criminal" etc. It gets ridiculous...

    Anyway, have any advice on building trust from afar? The guy is pretty good about responding to my inquiries but how do I know if he is telling the truth?

    Help...
    Tags: getting to know you, new relationship, new relationship overseas, trust
    #2
    Originally posted by SephoraGurl View Post
    I have trust issues in general after being hurt a lot of times. BUT the LDR thing makes it even worse. It's not like I can go over to the persons house and surprise them or interview the persons friends. I have these awful wild stories I make up in my head..."he has a wife" or "he's really an international criminal" etc. It gets ridiculous...

    Anyway, have any advice on building trust from afar? The guy is pretty good about responding to my inquiries but how do I know if he is telling the truth?

    Help...
    I think before you got together with him you were talking, getting to know each other. That keeps on after getting together as well, you will know more about him every day. Of course you have to be careful with a LDR but "interviewing the persons friends" is not a good idea i think not even if it's close distance. You will win each others trust slowly (already done it otherwise you wouldn't have started a LDR) You will build up the truth slowly, as time goes, and later you will find these thoughts ridiculous

    Also if you are really interested about his interests and stuff, you can check if he's on different social media sites, check what hes doing, commenting etc. But if he's not using them at all then no point in that.

    Comment

      #3
      Talking to their friends is a great way of getting to know them, CD or LD. I for sure got to know a lot about SO from his friends. But İ was not interviewing them, just talking and it came up.
      I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
      - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



      "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

      Comment

        #4
        Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
        Talking to their friends is a great way of getting to know them, CD or LD. I for sure got to know a lot about SO from his friends. But İ was not interviewing them, just talking and it came up.
        well yeah, but i found the "interviewing" part weird at first that's why I said that kind of felt like an interrogation

        Comment

          #5
          Everyone has issues going into a relationship. Your relationship just started, give it time and visits and you'll feel more secure with it. I went to meet my boyfriend in February and that helped a lot with any insecurities I was having, although I have never been a jealous person so that has not been an issue, it also brought us closer. After the summer we got really close and it was really hard to go back to living apart. I can tell him anything with out worrying about how he'll react. He's my best friend. That takes time to reach with in any relationship. Give it time.
          Engaged Dec 2015!! Visa approved June 2016 . Married July 18th 2016 <3

          Home is where the heart is and my home will always be with my love.
          All the way from England to the USA.

          Comment

            #6
            I will admit that I am both very naïve and also highly paranoid at the same time and so I Googled all the things my not-yet-boyfriend was telling me about himself to make sure they checked out.

            I knew my friends and family were going to be on HIGH ALERT when I told them I was meeting someone from another country, so I felt like I needed to do some homework. I even searched court records to see if he was convicted of anything. Maybe this makes me a psycho, I don't know. Back then I was still sort of doing it for a lark, because I was not expecting a real-live relationship to come out of this. I even told him that my friends were all highly suspicious of him and that I was Googling all the stuff he was telling me, and he was glad. He wanted me to feel safe meeting him and he liked that my friends were protective of me.

            So do some checking! And listen to your instincts. If he tells you things that seem to good to be true, that don't add up, or something doesn't feel right: investigate. Sure, get to know his friends and family. Add him on Facebook and check out the things he posts and the things he says. It does take time to feel totally trusting of someone, but you should always, always trust yourself first. You haven't met this person yet and it's natural to have doubts. Trust is also earned - what are his reactions to your questions? Is he encouraging, or does he get mad and accuse you of being disloyal or nosy? Do not feel bad for wanting to be safe and informed of the situation. You always have the right to be safe.

            Comment

              #7
              I feel lıke ıf someone really wanted to trıck me they would fınd ways to cover theır tracks onlıne so I never thougt Google was my frıend. I guess I am pretty naıve but I dont there are other ways of gettıng to trust people than meetıng them and gettıng ınvolved ın theır physıcal networks.
              I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
              - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



              "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

              Comment

                #8
                Thanks for that! He isn't on social media, he admitted that already so no way to check.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Interviewing was a strong word. Maybe chat is more appropriate. LOL

                  Comment

                    #10
                    If my SO hadn't been so forthcoming and open to begin with, he wouldn't have progressed beyond my guard in the slightest. I simply don't trust easy, but he found a way past all of that, and I'm so happy he did. Takes time to build up something, stick with it and be patient, and you'll be fine. These things don't happen overnight.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      How do you know ıf anybody ıs tellıng the truth? You dont. If people want to trıck you they can. I too have thought 'he has a wıfe' or 'every tıme I go away he has gırls sleepıng over' or 'he ıs only ın ıt for money' etc. Of course. Everybody gets crazy thoughts. What was very helpful to me was that I met hıs frıends and famıly very soon and also kept meetıng them. It would not have been possıble for hım to trıck me unless a very large ammount of people was ın on ıt. Everybody knows he loves me and wants me. Of course that doesnt mean that our future wıll be easy but ıt says somethıng about hıs ıntentıons.
                      I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                      - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                      "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                      Comment

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