I feel alone and we're growing apart

[tracyanne]

Hey guys! First of all, lovely forum, so inspiring and comforting!
So, question, how do you talk to your SO about something that bothers you about them/your relationship?
I've been with my SO for 6 months and he's great and I honestly love him but it's been pretty bad lately and it makes me really really sad. We talk everyday but we're kind of distant now, his behavior just annoys me sometimes, I feel like he doesn't (want to) listen and like he's sometimes trying to undermine me.
Like I'm insecure, I overthink A LOT because I have a lot of free time and I know that's making everything worse and more dramatic in my head and that's what probably got us here. I get moody a lot I guess, I have trouble dealing with my past and anxiety and stuff and I think that's the problem, my moodiness caused him to withdraw(can't really blame him for that) and become colder and then I'm colder and yeah... I believe we both love each other but if one backs off even a little bit, the other one probably does too.
We're not that affectionate lately or romantic we're more like buddies honestly. We don't talk as much as we used to, and he'll often just talk about his day or college the whole time and won't ask me about my day or I just don't feel like I get to talk about the stuff I care about. Or he'll completely talk over me sometimes. Also sometimes I feel like he's rubbing in his friends and his college into my face or like he's trying to undermine me but that might be my insecurities because I'm struggling with both, I don't know.
Or we're both a bit insecure and we're trying to compete which is just terrible.
And I feel like he assumes more about me than he actually honestly knows me. People have done that to me before so it's annoying.
I'm not thinking about breaking up, even if I'd tell myself that after reading this from a different perspective. But no, I just want to talk about this and try to fix it if I can but I don't know how to start? I can't just say hey you're talking about yourself too much, but I do want to express my feelings without hurting him or starting a fight. I just want to be honest because I can't do this anymore. But I don't know how to start. And I want us to have a deeper, honest relationship and I want to be able to talk about my problems when I have them or my loneliness without feeling like he's judging me or degrading me. I'm struggling because I don't talk to a lot of people and I don't get to express my thoughts or feelings in general so it would be nice to have that here.
Don't get me wrong, it's not all bad, seriously - he's great, he's the nicest and the funniest guy ever, he's more emotional than me so I'm pretty sure this isn't fine for him either. And VIRTUALLY NONE OF THIS is the problem when we're together IRL. It's like we're a couple that works way better IRL than when we're apart, huh.
Sorry if this post is confusing, my brain is a bit of a mess right now but any advice is appreciated

[kittyxuchiha11]

I think the easiest way if you dont really want to make a big deal out of this to him is just to try subtly bring up your problems. for example, you said he only really talks about himself and his day and never asks you about yours, you should talk about whatever you want to him no matter what,. let him do his talking then when he's done you get your time to talk. I mean it's probably not the best way to be but i'm a bit like that with my SO because she talks nonstop and i have a bit of a hard time trying to say things so sometimes i just have to go for it and talk in that one second she stops so she'll actually listen. i think you could possibly be over thinking everything but that's what we all do when things aren't going exactly perfectly how we want them too. Do you guys talk on the phone a lot or skype? it's very very easy to get carried away and just let one of you talk and the other listen that way but through messaging on facebook or texting you can both control how much you say. so maybe try typing to him to get across what you want to say, it's a lot less confrontational if you do need to bring up these issues with him. personally, i'd just wait it out before actually confronting him and saying you guys have issues you need to sort out. he could just generally be very excited about everything going on with his friends and life and want to tell you all about it and not even really realise he's being a bit over the top and not letting you speak much. if it continues to get you down talk to him about it, but just now just try talk more and talk over him if he really wont let you talk. I'm sure it'll sort itself out before you know it :3

[Honour]

Overthinking things is the worst thing you can do, and I get the fact that you are feeling insecure. I have a tendency for being quick to jump the gun, assume the worst, become paranoid and insecure, as well. It honestly just sounds like a case of you and him are going through one of those ruts where you don't really know what to say to each other, and the "Honeymoon" phase is ending. The best thing I can suggest is just be yourself and talk to him about it straight up, and try and work out together how things ended up this way. Alleviation of this could be in the form of date/movie nights, set dinner dates, maybe playing online games together, etc.

[tracyanne]

Thanks guys! This makes me feel better, it's not the end of the world like it feels in my head.

Do you guys talk on the phone a lot or skype? it's very very easy to get carried away and just let one of you talk and the other listen that way but through messaging on facebook or texting you can both control how much you say.

Yeah it's not like he doesn't ask whats up, but sometimes when I get to talk I rush it because I don't want to bother him. Man I hate that I'm so insecure and paranoid.
Yeah we Skype every night but I honestly prefer texting because, as you said, everyone gets to talk. We don't text as much anymore because we know we'll talk in the evening I guess.
Aw I think he's just excited too, he started college about 2 months ago so of course he would be. I get that and of course I'll listen but I just want to get the same thing back because I get excited about stuff too.

It honestly just sounds like a case of you and him are going through one of those ruts where you don't really know what to say to each other, and the "Honeymoon" phase is ending. The best thing I can suggest is just be yourself and talk to him about it straight up, and try and work out together how things ended up this way. Alleviation of this could be in the form of date/movie nights, set dinner dates, maybe playing online games together, etc.

You're right! I also think the honeymoon ended and sometimes we just don't know what to say. Doing stuff together could probably fix that and stop me from overthinking.