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Should I call it quits?!

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    #1

    Should I call it quits?!

    Hello everyone,
    I'm with this guy who is 5 years older than me, more experienced in all of sorts of things compared with me ( I'm in my twenties).

    We have been talking and chatting up on Skype for about month now, ( we used to work together online for a year before, but lately we got even closer) he was very caring and showing interest like suggesting what we should do together, until one day when we talked about commitment and meeting up, he kind of changed after that and told me he would like to take it slowly plus he is afraid of commitment.

    And also I'm quiet and shy person and find it difficult to communicate with him, and I feel like that might make him eventually lose interest...

    I want to call it quits but I do like him and he told several times that he does too, should I give him a chance? Or more time?

    Thank you.
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    #2
    I think that whether you want to continue or to give up is completely up to you and it's understandable whether you do or don't. It all depends what you want from this relationship, if you want the same things, then that's great. When you say he changed, in what way do you mean? Is he no longer caring and showing interest? In which case that's not alright, although you'll need to talk to him more if you want to understand why this has happened.

    Some people do prefer to take things very slowly and that is fine if you do not mind that and it doesn't clash with what you want. If you're prepared to give him the time (you've only been talking in a 'romantic' way for a month now), then you may want to see if there is chance this could lead to something more if you like him. It depends what pace you want a relationship to advance; if you don't want to wait for him to 'catch up' with you, then it may be best to move on.

    Also, just because you're quiet and shy does not mean he will lose interest in you, he may even like that about you and, if things develop further, enjoy that he is the one you can talk to; even if you're still quiet with him.

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      #3
      Why is it a 'commıtment' to meet up? Even ıf you are ın dıfferent countrıes ıt ıs just a vısıt ıf you can afford the travel.

      I am not shy but I am more ıntrovert than extrovert. I lıke my alone tıme and I sometımes need tıme to warm up to new people and I typıcally lurk ın the corners ın new socıal settıngs. SO loves that about me. He lıves ın a country full of extrovert and very lıvely people that he ıs not atracted to a and although he ıs very outgoıng as well he also gets to show hıs other sıdes wıth me. I have heard people actually thınk my 'shy' sıdes are sexy and mysterıous. Why should that not be somethıng he lıkes about you as well? ıt ıs a myth that guys only lıke outgoıng gırls.
      I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
      - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



      "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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        #4
        You have said that you want to call it quits and that is totally fine, in fact good for you for knowing what you want! But do you mean call it quits in terms of talking to him at all, or call it quits in terms of focusing your romantic attention and hopes on him?

        Perhaps you can stay friends and see how things develop, but not "commit" to each other? Like, it's understood that you will see other people and so can he, but you keep talking and getting to know one another. Maybe that would also take some pressure off of you and would make you less shy about being yourself around him.

        I dated someone older (locally) who was also a commitment-phobe. The thing was, he told me this about himself straight out (like your guy is doing), but I think some part of me thought he would change once he got to know me, because I am a goddamn treasure. It was a nice relationship, he was very attentive and loving, but no matter how sweet and lovey-dovey he was, he didn't want me the way I wanted to be wanted. Does that make sense? After 7 months, I asked him how he felt about me, because I was developing very strong feelings for him. He told me he "didn't know yet", and the amount of pain that caused me... I knew it was time to leave. He didn't want the same kind of relationship I did.

        Regarding being shy and quiet: Like differentcountries and Warwick Guy have stated, a partner might find those qualities endearing and attractive and all the more reason to get to know you!

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          #5
          Thank you guys for answering me, I really appreciate it.

          Well I want to call it quits as in "breaking up" I'm afraid I'm going to develop more feeling for him and it won't be mutual, because he kind of withdrew lately and it's better now than later.

          Comment

            #6
            I think if he is already telling you that he isn't looking for commitment, then you should take him at face value and assume he isn't looking for a relationship. He can like you and enjoy talking to you, but don't try to make him ready for something he has told you he isn't

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