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    #1

    Officially LDR or Unofficial.

    Hi everyone.

    Im new here. My first. There is loads of helpful info & suggestions. Thanks.

    Ive been chatting with a guy I met online since June. In October we declared to each that we had feelings for each other. He is divorced, im separated. 4 kids each. First visit was Nov 12 (I visited him), we got touchy feely but it was too early on for "making soup". Second visit will be at Xmas. He will meet me & my kids in Fl. (He is from Illinois and im in the Caribbean).

    My question is: how do I ask without being so blunt - "are we officially in a LDR"? I should know if we are but honestly I don't know.
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    #2
    I think you just have to ask. Beating around the bush only leads to assumptions that could end up hurting someone by assuming something is when it isn't to the other. Just ask and then you'll know and both be on the same page

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      #3
      Yeah, seriously, just be blunt! Clarity and communication are so important, especially in an LDR. Knowing whether you're both on the same page will help a lot.

      ~
      It'll take a lot more than words and guns
      A whole lot more than riches and muscle
      The hands of the many must join as one
      And together we'll cross the river

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        #4
        Yep, what the others said. Just ask straight up. You don't ask, you'll never know.

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          #5
          It sounds like you are drifting slowly into an LDR. You have talked since June, declared feelings for one another, kissed and he will meet you and your kids.

          You may ask as I did: "Do you think we will end up in a relationship?" (SO of couse said: We are already in one!)
          I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
          - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



          "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

          Comment

            #6
            I had been talking to my SO for a few months online, (I was separated but my husband was still living in my house) and my SO said "I never felt the need to stay true to a married woman before, this is weird" and this was way before any feeling were admitted to each other!

            I'd say you are already there but have the conversation. I think sometimes when we have had bad relationships before we are unsure about asking things like this. I know I am. I get really worried about speaking to my SO about something tricky in case he gets in a mood or dumps me but it's my hangover from my marriage.

            I'm sure all will be fine you just need to ask and then you will feel much better.

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              #7
              Wow. I didnt think anyone would understand. Figure I was being "crazy".

              Thanks for commenting. Much appreciated.

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                #8
                we arent on social media officaial due to a fact friends with bother you etc etc once i get to see her we will post on facebook

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                  #9
                  I would say just ask! You want to know how my SO asked me? He asked me if I still thought about us dating, and if I still wanted to make it official. When I said yes, he literally said, "Well, okay then. We're official." Don't be afraid.

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                    #10
                    Followup.

                    I asked and i have mixed feelings right now.

                    He is afraid after being married almost 15 years and spouse left.

                    So he doesnt want to put a label on it and ww continue to get to know each other more.

                    I just feel like this is risky.

                    We care alot about each other. I am ready for serious relationship. He is not, but always talking about future plans etc.

                    Im so confused.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      He said he wants to get to know you more, i don't think there is anything wrong with that. Especially seeing as how he invested a lot of time in someone and it didn't end up working out. There is always a risk of getting hurt, even if it happens 15 years down the road. He didn't say he didn't want to stop whatever it is you are doing, it just needs to go at a slower pace, you need to be okay with that or move on

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