I've felt alot of mental anguish & pain in my life,but this is a whole other level. Or, so I at least somehow subconsciously decided this. Upon research I came across link & article talking about twin flames& long distance. In reference to seperation and pain associated with it. Without a doubt in my mind the woman I had connection with was my t/f. I say connection cuz we never met. We weren't in a "relationship" by society's standards. Had all the elements though. Anyways the link &article basically said that the pain has always been there inside of us. We just always try to relate it to a circumstance.
Anyways, I am very much in love with this woman& when I say I truly blv that I felt it from the beginning. I did!! Intuition from within me feeling like I either had to know her, or already did. Foreign. Never felt anything like it. Was on a dating site. Had exhausted myself attempting to talk to locals. Curious I browsed other states by this point conversation wld of just been suffice. When I came across her I felt such a magnetism I cannot describe.
Not just physically attractive,but more. I sent her a msg. She& I connected instantly!! It was as if our communication was effortless& mutually intrigued by 1 another. Mutual attraction.What really made her feel compelled to talking to me was that I had said something that her nanny use to say when she was a child. For the life of me I don't know where it came from cuz I had never said it before. We spoke on site for abt cpl weeks. Then moved over to where we communicated at least 75-80% of time. Text. We wld talk all day from AM to PM. It was extraordinary! For 8 months! Very odd. Was totally suspicious. No pics on her end. I felt such an intense connection I let it go.
She knew how I felt about her from early on. A week. I know it's risky,and quite frankly unrealistic admittedly so. However, I truly felt what I felt& have ever since. I opened up my heart& my entire life. Gave it to her. She was fascinated by how fearful& open I was. She was opposite. Gained trust though and tore dwn "wall" supposedly she hid behind for yrs. After abt first 2 months she tried to leave. Told me she wasn't worth having me& didn't want to waste my time. I railed her for it. She realized what I had said & sunk into every fibrous being of her. Cried all night. Came bck. Of course I forgave. She left again this time for I blv a month. Crazy episode accused me of playing mind games.
Then it was my turn. Apr 29th I had been so frustrated with not talking 1#. No visiting. Mr always the 1 to raise subject to avoid. Ignore. Then arrangements broken. Put her on spot& revealed to me that she hadn't been emotionally forthright with me. Cldnt keep hurting me. My heart so hurt. Broken. I didn't cry. I wallowed in deep gut wrenching pain. Half ass attempt at suicide. Reconciled after 84 days. I let her bck in. Told me she faltered to fear. Told me she did love me for so many reasons. Only in 1 email msg did she mention abt me being only thng missing in pic,but wasn't specific. Vague.
Uncontrollably our communication resumed and without any precautions really. I didn't think too much. Past month& half I began expressing frustration again. Another bs attempt at visiting. Didn't feel her anymore. Arguements. Frivolous. Said we should just be friends. Then changed my mind. I never really knew where she stood. Never talked too much abt expectations, realistic notions. Only fantasies. I became so insecure. Felt so lonely. I flipped out Thanksgiving after she said " imagination/ thoughts was her happy place for us. I took that and ran a million mi. an hr. Spewing her character,accused her of lying, using me for emotional fulfillment.
She didn't appreciate me attacking her. Refused to engage. Told me she'd call me later. Told her no! Dnt bother. Had asked her 5 xs do you love me? Do you love me like I love you? Want same? Never answered me. I've been in such agonizing pain cuz I feel it's true. Her avoiding me,but felt even crazier cuz she did want to call. Felt I was cowardice telling her thru text. Gave her opportunity to call. Nothing. Just like that she's gone. My best friend& woman I'm in love with. I'm confused. Did I run her away? Why can't she just tell me? Cuz it's easier? I wish for closure. Should I ask for or leave her alone?
Anyways, I am very much in love with this woman& when I say I truly blv that I felt it from the beginning. I did!! Intuition from within me feeling like I either had to know her, or already did. Foreign. Never felt anything like it. Was on a dating site. Had exhausted myself attempting to talk to locals. Curious I browsed other states by this point conversation wld of just been suffice. When I came across her I felt such a magnetism I cannot describe.
Not just physically attractive,but more. I sent her a msg. She& I connected instantly!! It was as if our communication was effortless& mutually intrigued by 1 another. Mutual attraction.What really made her feel compelled to talking to me was that I had said something that her nanny use to say when she was a child. For the life of me I don't know where it came from cuz I had never said it before. We spoke on site for abt cpl weeks. Then moved over to where we communicated at least 75-80% of time. Text. We wld talk all day from AM to PM. It was extraordinary! For 8 months! Very odd. Was totally suspicious. No pics on her end. I felt such an intense connection I let it go.
She knew how I felt about her from early on. A week. I know it's risky,and quite frankly unrealistic admittedly so. However, I truly felt what I felt& have ever since. I opened up my heart& my entire life. Gave it to her. She was fascinated by how fearful& open I was. She was opposite. Gained trust though and tore dwn "wall" supposedly she hid behind for yrs. After abt first 2 months she tried to leave. Told me she wasn't worth having me& didn't want to waste my time. I railed her for it. She realized what I had said & sunk into every fibrous being of her. Cried all night. Came bck. Of course I forgave. She left again this time for I blv a month. Crazy episode accused me of playing mind games.
Then it was my turn. Apr 29th I had been so frustrated with not talking 1#. No visiting. Mr always the 1 to raise subject to avoid. Ignore. Then arrangements broken. Put her on spot& revealed to me that she hadn't been emotionally forthright with me. Cldnt keep hurting me. My heart so hurt. Broken. I didn't cry. I wallowed in deep gut wrenching pain. Half ass attempt at suicide. Reconciled after 84 days. I let her bck in. Told me she faltered to fear. Told me she did love me for so many reasons. Only in 1 email msg did she mention abt me being only thng missing in pic,but wasn't specific. Vague.
Uncontrollably our communication resumed and without any precautions really. I didn't think too much. Past month& half I began expressing frustration again. Another bs attempt at visiting. Didn't feel her anymore. Arguements. Frivolous. Said we should just be friends. Then changed my mind. I never really knew where she stood. Never talked too much abt expectations, realistic notions. Only fantasies. I became so insecure. Felt so lonely. I flipped out Thanksgiving after she said " imagination/ thoughts was her happy place for us. I took that and ran a million mi. an hr. Spewing her character,accused her of lying, using me for emotional fulfillment.
She didn't appreciate me attacking her. Refused to engage. Told me she'd call me later. Told her no! Dnt bother. Had asked her 5 xs do you love me? Do you love me like I love you? Want same? Never answered me. I've been in such agonizing pain cuz I feel it's true. Her avoiding me,but felt even crazier cuz she did want to call. Felt I was cowardice telling her thru text. Gave her opportunity to call. Nothing. Just like that she's gone. My best friend& woman I'm in love with. I'm confused. Did I run her away? Why can't she just tell me? Cuz it's easier? I wish for closure. Should I ask for or leave her alone?
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