How to keep the relationship strong after her trying to break up.

[Leopold_Bloom]

She announced she was breaking up with me very abruptly after a 6.5 month LDR. She said she couldn't have a relationship at this moment in time, but said that she cared for me and that we could communicate once a week.

The first video call lasted 15 min, we laughed, was quite positive but she didn't want to talk for long. The next call was excellent -- we talked for 35 min, smiled, she shared her problems, it felt like old times, as if nothing changed, just no kiss at the end. We are to meet during Christmas in our hometown, so all that communication felt positively leading up to it. However last week she all of a sudden deleted all of our common photos -- it was shattering. We talked again this weekend for one hour: she talked a lot about herself, showed less interest in my life, I tried to provide her emotional support, generally it was a positive conversation. But, at the very end of the conversation, she abruptly asked "why are you still calling me?" and that "we will not get back to where we were". I replied that I cared for her, was interested in how she was doing and felt the need to share how my life is progressing. I then blundered out (and I regret this) that I have loads of male friends, but few female and that she is my best friend (and she really was -- we used to talk at least 3 hours each day).

I don't know where I stand now. She is dear to me.

[Mr Gravy]

To put it simple, you can't force people to have a relationship with you, be it a romantic one, 'just friends' or anything in between.
You can communicate your interest to maintain a friendship which apparently you did, but if your friend doesn't then it's probably not going to happen.

[snow_girl]

I don't really see how you can keep a relationship strong when one person has voiced their desire to break up

[differentcountries]

It sounds like she is backing out more and more. Are you sure the visit is still on?

[Leopold_Bloom]

We are both going back to our hometown for Christmas and going to the same event; so we will be seing each other, if not even on a separate one-on-one meeting alltogether. I care for her and she used to care for me, I think we were the closest people to each other. I can't comprehend this.

[Honour]

You can't force someone to be with you, or force someone to be your friend. Perhaps letting this go might help?

[pizza_heart]

We are both going back to our hometown for Christmas and going to the same event; so we will be seing each other, if not even on a separate one-on-one meeting alltogether. I care for her and she used to care for me, I think we were the closest people to each other. I can't comprehend this. Her destructive behaviour (like deleting our photos) seems to correspond to days she has dance classes. I know her dance partner is pursuing her and she met him and started dancing shortly before her wanting to break up.

How is deleting pictures of someone she clearly no longer wants to be in a relationship with considered a destructive behavior? It's actually very healthy, in fact. I'm sorry, but it takes two to tango...and she seems to have gotten a new dance partner already.

[whatruckus]

I'm going to be blunt, because well... That's what I do.

She doesn't want to be with you any more. She ended it with you. She told you she doesn't want to be with you any more and started deleting your pictures together. She told you that she doesn't feel the same anymore. And it seems like she wants to end the friendship.

You can't keep pursuing her or thinking she'll change. She won't. She has her mind set. It's best for you to move on. You can't change her mind, and a visit or meeting isn't going to help either.

Back off, she's made her mind.

It's also not "destructive behavior" just because you don't agree with her deleting your pictures so she can move on.

[R&R]

She announced she was breaking up with me very abruptly after a 4.5 month LDR. She said she couldn't have a relationship at this moment in time, but said that she cared for me and that we could communicate once a week.

The first video call lasted 15 min, we laughed, was quite positive but she didn't want to talk for long. The next call was excellent -- we talked for 35 min, smiled, she shared her problems, it felt like old times, as if nothing changed, just no kiss at the end. We are to meet during Christmas in our hometown, so all that communication felt positively leading up to it. However last week she all of a sudden deleted all of our common photos on google drive -- it was shattering. We talked again this weekend for one hour: she talked a lot about herself, showed less interest in my life, I tried to provide her emotional support, generally it was a positive conversation. But, at the very end of the conversation, she abruptly asked "why are you still calling me?" and that "we will not get back to where we were". I replied that I cared for her, was interested in how she was doing and felt the need to share how my life is progressing. I then blundered out (and I regret this) that I have loads of male friends, but few female and that she is my best friend (and she really was -- we used to talk at least 3 hours each day).

I don't know where I stand now. She is dear to me. I was hoping to maintain our weekly conversations, then meet in person and see how it goes from there. She is gorgeous (two guys she recently met are already fighting over her) and smart (studies at one of the best universities in the world).

As everyone else has stated, she has made it pretty clear where she stands. Where does that mean you stand? You stand by yourself and ready to move forward with your life without her in it. I have a feeling the talking once a week suggestion was more in hopes to make the breakup a little easier and hoping to start fading out of your life.

She's moved on and you need to as well. You are 27 years old, not 13. You can understand what it means when someone tells you something is over. You are old enough to comprehend what she has told you and to be able to be mature and let her go. You are an adult and you need to act like it. I'm not saying it's going to be the easiest thing you have ever done, it may be very difficult, but you can do it. Don't be "that ex" that everyone tells stories about and ends up being the winner in the "worst ex you ever had" game.

[differentcountries]

We are both going back to our hometown for Christmas and going to the same event; so we will be seing each other, if not even on a separate one-on-one meeting alltogether. I care for her and she used to care for me, I think we were the closest people to each other. I can't comprehend this.

Oh, so you were never meant to meet her one-on-one in the first place?

I am sorry, but she has moved on. Visiting the same home town does not mean you two are or will end up together. It just means she is home for Christmas. Also, she is breaking up with you after 6 months - which mean she came down from a cloud pretty quickly. After 6 months I met SOs family and we were very much in love, even if nothing was perfect around us (my suitcase was even deleyed almost the entire visit). If she is breaking up with you right before the perfect uppertunity to meet, she is not in doubt, she wants out.

I would consider not going to that joint event if I was you. You sound pretty hurt by all of this. Better to dry your tears in private, than in front of your joint friends.