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    #1

    Moving in together

    So a few months into the new year, my SO and I are moving in together!

    I'm going moving over to his country while on a work and holiday visa, and we're going to another city, not his. I wouldn't technically call it closing the distance because we would be starting our de facto (the first thing we need before applying for the partner visa). I'm a person that needs to plan ahead, so I've been mentally preparing myself. My SO is transferring up to the city we're moving to, so he will be guaranteed a job. I've been going through and packing my stuff up here (my mom wants me to go through all my stuff before I move out). My SO and I have also been looking around at places just to get a rough estimate about what we can afford and what type of places we can get. We both have a good amount of many put away so that we can support each other financially until I start work.

    I know this is a few months away and I don't want to be paranoid, but I really want to be ready when the move comes along. Any advice on how to make the transition smoothly? I'm not taking many things with me, mostly my clothes, laptop, and school stuff. Just the stuff I really need, not many extras.

    Thanks!
    Tags: None
    #2
    It's good to be organised as it comes around fast having just moved myself. I don't think I can offer useful advice as my move was within the same country. Packing light sounds like the way to go. I did and it helped immensely.

    Comment

      #3
      Packing light is good, especially if you will rent a fully furnished flat you will just need to bring the most important personal stuff. Clothes are heavy and you can buy new items there, so only bring underwear and a couple of shifts of clothes. Then you will get clothes suited for the climate as well.

      Figure out what you will do with the things you will not bring. Be sure to pack them well, prefferably in something that can take a bit of water. You don't want to come for a visit to discover that your old stuff is broken (SO and I learned that the hard way when we stored our stuff in an insecure place that had a water leakage).

      Talk in advance about who will pay for what. He will have a job when you come, and you not, does that mean he will pay for all? Who has money for a deposit? Who will pay what after you get a job?

      Household routines - who will clean the place? Who will cook - and what will you eat? Take out the trash? How do you want things done? It gets easier if you have made a deal, rather than discover that one person does all or that you have different ways of doing things (I learned that the hard way with my ex, who was used to shopping food every day - just for that day's dinner - while I was used to shop one, maybe two times a week. I also sometimes have issues with SO over it because he wants everything to be fresh while I am used to have a lot of food frozen or store it in the fridge).

      Try to get friends and aquantainces right away, for instance join a gym or NGO. Since your SO is moving as well, to a new place, perhaps the two of you can start to get a social circle together.
      I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
      - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



      "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

      Comment

        #4
        There are always hidden/unexpected costs when you move to a new place. It is good to have extra money saved up for such eventualities (for eg - when my SO and I moved to Arizona, we had to pay more than we expected in deposits for the apartment we're renting and setting up all the utilities).

        Are you getting a furnished or unfurnished apartment?

        Agree with differentcountries about building up a social circle as soon as you can. It might be tempting to just spend all the time with your SO but the both of you need your own friends (or at least, to be able to hang out with people outside of the couple dynamic).
        So, here you are
        too foreign for home
        too foreign for here.
        Never enough for both.
        Ijeoma Umebinyuo, Diaspora Blues

        Comment

          #5
          I'm having some of the things I don't want to get rid of shipped over (I'm paying for the containers). It's about $500 for 3, 60lbs boxes. In those I'm planning on sending my books and dvds and anything breakable so it can be properly wrapped. But I am 12 years older than you and have a lot more things such as sentimental stuff.

          I'm selling all house hold appliances/furniture and giving all my kitchen stuff to family/ charity. I am keeping my nicest clothes and the rest is going in the recycle bin outside the apartments. I will probably keep some of my art work, mainly my portfolio and one canvas in particular that I really like. I might keep the other one but I'll probably paint over it and use it for something else.

          I think the main thing is to go though everything and strip down to a bare minimum of what you want to keep. Be ruthless and everything else is sold/charity shop. In January I really have to start getting down to only the things I am keeping, or need until I am gone.
          Engaged Dec 2015!! Visa approved June 2016 . Married July 18th 2016 <3

          Home is where the heart is and my home will always be with my love.
          All the way from England to the USA.

          Comment

            #6
            Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
            Packing light is good, especially if you will rent a fully furnished flat you will just need to bring the most important personal stuff. Clothes are heavy and you can buy new items there, so only bring underwear and a couple of shifts of clothes. Then you will get clothes suited for the climate as well.

            Figure out what you will do with the things you will not bring. Be sure to pack them well, prefferably in something that can take a bit of water. You don't want to come for a visit to discover that your old stuff is broken (SO and I learned that the hard way when we stored our stuff in an insecure place that had a water leakage).

            Talk in advance about who will pay for what. He will have a job when you come, and you not, does that mean he will pay for all? Who has money for a deposit? Who will pay what after you get a job?

            Household routines - who will clean the place? Who will cook - and what will you eat? Take out the trash? How do you want things done? It gets easier if you have made a deal, rather than discover that one person does all or that you have different ways of doing things (I learned that the hard way with my ex, who was used to shopping food every day - just for that day's dinner - while I was used to shop one, maybe two times a week. I also sometimes have issues with SO over it because he wants everything to be fresh while I am used to have a lot of food frozen or store it in the fridge).

            Try to get friends and aquantainces right away, for instance join a gym or NGO. Since your SO is moving as well, to a new place, perhaps the two of you can start to get a social circle together.
            Thank you for the reply! Yeah, we are getting a fully furnished place. Me and my SO agreed that right now we don't want to spend a whole bunch of money on furniture and other things to furnish the place with. I plan on only taking the clothes that I need.

            I'm not sure what I am doing with the things I am not taking, I think my mom will keep them at her place. That's why I'm trying to buckle down on what I need to keep and what needs to be thrown away.

            We've come to the agreement that we are getting a joint savings account. We both know each others money habits and we're ready to take the next step to sharing it. I'm going to be making the deposit when we find a place, and he will cover rent until I get a job. He also has family up there, so we're staying with them while looking for places.

            When we were together, we had a pretty good routine. We both cooked and cleaned. Or if one person cooked, the other person would clean up. He has a tendency to keep things messy, but he knows he will have to start picking up more, as I have made that very clear to him. Again, we had a good routine when it came to getting food. We'd both go to the store and buy what we needed to hold us over for awhile.

            Yes, we're definitely going to be making friends! All his friends are staying in his home town (a very small town), yet we offered some of them to move with us. They were serious about it, but those plans fell through, so it will just be my SO and I (lol even better^.^) We've agreed that we want to go out and meet people and another couple we can hang out with since he never really had any couple friends (his friends weren't in relationships for very long).

            Comment

              #7
              Originally posted by Redheart14 View Post
              It's good to be organised as it comes around fast having just moved myself. I don't think I can offer useful advice as my move was within the same country. Packing light sounds like the way to go. I did and it helped immensely.
              Thanks for replying! I think moving is moving, wherever it is. Even though I'm moving farther than you moved, I will definitely take your advice about packing light. I have a habit of packing things I don't need lol

              Comment

                #8
                Originally posted by Ejoriah View Post
                There are always hidden/unexpected costs when you move to a new place. It is good to have extra money saved up for such eventualities (for eg - when my SO and I moved to Arizona, we had to pay more than we expected in deposits for the apartment we're renting and setting up all the utilities).

                Are you getting a furnished or unfurnished apartment?

                Agree with differentcountries about building up a social circle as soon as you can. It might be tempting to just spend all the time with your SO but the both of you need your own friends (or at least, to be able to hang out with people outside of the couple dynamic).
                That's one thing I've been preparing myself for. But as I said, we do have extra money to support ourselves until I get a job.

                We're getting a furnished place. Rent over there is a bit different. It's weekly instead of monthly (something strange to me because I'm from the states) so we have a budget and not going over it. There are some cheap places there, so we know what types of places we can get and where.

                Yeah, I'll be expanding my social horizon. i'm not so good at making friends (I'm kind of shy) but I'm willing to try since this may be a permanent thing for awhile. I think it will get easier once I get a job and get to know those people.

                Thanks for replying!

                Comment

                  #9
                  Originally posted by Ella85 View Post
                  I'm having some of the things I don't want to get rid of shipped over (I'm paying for the containers). It's about $500 for 3, 60lbs boxes. In those I'm planning on sending my books and dvds and anything breakable so it can be properly wrapped. But I am 12 years older than you and have a lot more things such as sentimental stuff.

                  I'm selling all house hold appliances/furniture and giving all my kitchen stuff to family/ charity. I am keeping my nicest clothes and the rest is going in the recycle bin outside the apartments. I will probably keep some of my art work, mainly my portfolio and one canvas in particular that I really like. I might keep the other one but I'll probably paint over it and use it for something else.

                  I think the main thing is to go though everything and strip down to a bare minimum of what you want to keep. Be ruthless and everything else is sold/charity shop. In January I really have to start getting down to only the things I am keeping, or need until I am gone.
                  Yes, you would definitely have more stuff than me. I don't think I'm going to be paying to ship stuff over, if so, I would have my mom doing it and I would pay her back. But I still need to go through everything. Also, kind of off topic, but when you say shipping containers, do you mean boxes? I work at the UPS store (a shipping store) so make sure those boxes are really sturdy. What I do is wrap and handle items and then put them in proper moving boxes. We have to make sure that everything is properly protected and safe. We have lots of customers that want to ship something somewhere in the country using moving boxes. Those moving boxes aren't made for shipping or to withstand big impacts. They usually split right open down the middle, even when the box is is filled with just clothes. And yes, make sure those breakable items are properly wrapped. Don't overfill the box with lots of breakable items though because the items need to have lots of cushion around it.

                  It sounds you have a lot to do! Thankfully I don't have all that to sell, but it can be hard to let go of some items I think. I am the worst at going through my things and knowing what I'm going to sell and keep! Before I went to see my SO, my family was going through a huge move. I basically went through my room and put EVERYTHING in boxes without really going through my stuff (this was because I had to pack up my room before I could go visit my SO), so all that stuff is packed away in boxes at my mom's place. My plan is to be cleaned out before the new year, so I'm going to work towards that.

                  Thanks for your reply!

                  Comment

                    #10
                    I don't have any advice, I just wanted to comment and say you're probably the most mature and lovely 18 year old lady I've ever met, and want to wish you and your SO the best of luck!

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Originally posted by Honour View Post
                      I don't have any advice, I just wanted to comment and say you're probably the most mature and lovely 18 year old lady I've ever met, and want to wish you and your SO the best of luck!
                      Aww thanks!:') Both of those comments actually means a lot to me!

                      I wish you and you SO the best of luck in your future as well! I know how hard international relationships are, so stay strong! <3

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Originally posted by Honour View Post
                        I don't have any advice, I just wanted to comment and say you're probably the most mature and lovely 18 year old lady I've ever met, and want to wish you and your SO the best of luck!
                        Aww thanks!:') Both of those comments actually means a lot to me!

                        I wish you and you SO the best of luck in your future as well! I know how hard international relationships are, so stay strong! <3

                        Comment

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