Girlfriends wants more space forever

[Honour]

you said it, you were someone who didn't, but i can bet my money on most users over here live with their phones practically attached to their hand because they are in a LDR. to each their own, but you can't expect to have a relationship and not EVER text your SO back when you do have the time. It's basic: communicate, once, twice a day maybe, but don't leave a message unresponded "forever".

Since I can't see where "here" equates to, I'll have to just say perhaps. I never said anything about not ever sending texts back, I simply stated the two extremes, what some might consider too much/too little, two points at the edge. Finding that balance can take a lot of consideration and compromise, and time to adjust.

[Ella85]

Where as in some parts I feel like you need to cut her some slack. I also think she needs to meet you half way. I think you should agree that she doesn't have to reply in school because school is for learning and spending time with her friends. But that you can talk to her when she is out of school (at home). Agree some time to spend together and be content with that. My boyfriend and I do text a lot in the day but he works. I don't get upset with him when he can't reply. He is at work! Working! He will get to my message when he has time and I respect that. You need to do the same and stop getting so upset when she sends a reply with delay. It's not healthy or fair to expect constant replies all the time. Especially when she is trying to study.

[Miasmata]

Different people have different ways to be, and that's okay! Don't make assumptions or try to speak for everybody (also goes for the discussion in this thread). The best thing you can do is talking it out with her and being openminded. Listen to her needs and wishes, but also explain yours. See where she's coming from, and work with it. I do think you have a good chance for a healthy compromise if you're both openminded and willing to understand each other's needs. Best of luck!

[spanglishjoe]

I agree with the members saying you really need to have a nice heart to heart with her about communication needs. LDRs aren't easy and if you have needs that aren't being met, then it might lead to insecurities and arguments. I'm also a guy who loves connection, deeper conversations, etc. But it's important to balance these desires with the needs of your partner, it's not healthy for her if she's being pulled away from school, friends, and the things she enjoys that make her the person you are attracted to. It's shouldn't be too much to ask for a quick good morning and midday how's your day going text, but the way I read this, it sounds like she might be feeling a little overwhelmed.

I don't know enough to say that this is the case for you, I'm just sharing how I dealt with similar issues in my past. I'd say the first step is to look within and ask yourself if you're demanding too much from her. If no, then I'd have a nice skype night with her and share your concerns, being really really careful to make sure you're phrasing it in a way that doesn't look like youre blaming her. Instead, make sure she knows it's about you trusting her with your feelings. Explain how you'd like to communicate during the week, and leave the door open for her to share her thoughts. That worked well for me, and it gives you a chance to understand all that she has going on and hopefully she'll tell you she cares about the relationship and will offer some ideas for a reasonable explanation or compromise. If the "forever" line and other conversation occurred over text, I wouldn't make assumptions - best to hear her thoughts from a nice face to face conversation. It could've been a quick reaction on her part, she's human too.

I wish you luck.

[ronjaandbirk]

My first long term relationship broke partly because of an issue like this. we lasted 5 years tho, so I'm trying to give you some perspective:

What you need to understand is, that people are sometimes are very different in how much contact, reassurance or company they need. regardless if its a romantic relationship or family, or if its close or long distance. People can be very different in this. The oldest and most obvious exemples are introvert/extrovert. You can have the same beliefs, interests, values and be overall super compatible, but be very, bery different in these aspects.

I'm a very introverted, super independ person. My alone tome, uninterrptedness of my thoughts and private longings are very important to me. I need them to recharge, to reflect, and to appreciate my loved ones more when im actually with them. Not having those times makes me feel exhausted, bored, worn out, disrespected and stressed. What stresses me mist is that someone would doubt my devotion just because I feel this way. I love my friends. Very much, id happily die for them but I do need peace of mind from the now and then. it has to do with caring so much aswell. If im close to them I care so much i leave no room for myself... precisely because of that i later need "off time" from the ones I love most. Noone can live only for someone else.

My Boyfriend at the time is the opposite. If he loves someone ge wants to be with them 24/7 every second if the day. I failed to explain to him that it wasnt because I wanted to be away from him or didnt enjoy his company. He, like you, took it very personal, i didnt want to to hurt him. So i gave in and followed his way. We moved in together quickly, and for the next 5 years I constantly felt like I needed to grasp for air. I ended it ultimately with a bang in a bad way because all my frustration exploded and i couldnt go on anymore being someone I wasnt.

I read alot about "age" and "maturing" in this thread. From what i see i think it only plays a role in how much you two understand yourselves and what you need and the ynderstanding of what ithers need. You need to meet halfway if you don't want one if you to change in a way noone should change for another person. You just need different things.