Can he truly be that amazing

[jar143]

Hi. I'm new to LFAD and to this LDR I'm in. But I will jump right in.
My guy and I were friends on FB ( how I don't know because we had no mutual friends or anything.) Anywho, he sent a respectful compliment through Fb and at the time I just found him as a business opportunity so we exchanged numbers. Honestly, its only been 2 months that we've been talking/getting to know each other but it's like I can't go a day without talking to him or video chatting. He's hilarious and values the same things as I do. He is a wonderful communicator. Handsome as heck. He just seems too good to be true.

We've been trying to figure out meeting up but with my schedule and his its kind of slow moving. Although we are about 800 miles away he is completely fine with driving to me. (He says). We already talk about the future and if we get really serious how would we close the distance. Well he has three daughters and I couldn't imagine him being apart from them so we agreed that I would go south to be with him. And its like at some moments I want to say I love you. He seems to good to be true.

1. Am I moving too fast with my feelings?
2. Will this feeling we have go away?
3. Can you even love someone without experiencing life with them in close proximity?

I've never done long distance could I be in over my head.

[Honour]

It's called the honeymoon phase and honestly, 2 months in, it's likely to still be the phase you're going through! Everything is new and exciting, you're both all over each other, you can't get enough of each other and you both are absolutely head over heels, and learning about one another. Keep in mind every relationship is different, so whether you are moving too fast (in my opinion, at least) is something only you can judge on. My SO and I were together within 3 weeks of knowing each other, and we've now been together 8 months. Some would probably consider that "moving too fast," but the intensity and oh-so-right feeling with our relationship made us both realise we were imperfectly perfect for each other. Honeymoon phases tend to be heady and heated, but as you both settle into the relationship, it does eventually calm down to the point you both relax, take a step back, you still enjoy each other and being around each other, but it's not so... intense? I'm not sure what the best word to use here is.

And to answer your last question, yes is the simple answer. My longer answer would be to say that my SO and I have never met yet we will be meeting in April 2016 when he flies over here. He'll meet my parents as well, and will be here for 10 days. Hopefully in the Summer 2016, I can fly over there. We were in the deep end very early on in our friendship and it took a short time for us both to dive in head first. Things have settled down more, and we're more confident around each other and more certain for what the future holds. We have our plans and ideas, we know what we want... and honestly? It doesn't matter if it's your first LDR, or second, or even more... each LDR is different, because there's no telling how it might work out, or how life might get in the way or be willing to bend for you both.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

I don't know if you can truly fall in love online. I'm not saying that it can't happen, but I have never experienced it myself. I met my SO in person and we were CD for 6 months before going LD. Therefore, I can't really judge your experiences, nor should anyone else be able to because they aren't in your relationship.

With that being said, I have experienced being CD as well as LD with visits in between (some short and some months). I can honestly say from this experience that CD is substantially different than LD. It just is. I fell in love with my SO when we were CD, but it has to be maintained through LD. Am I able to do that? Absolutely. Does that translate to the real world? Kind of. What I mean is that yes, our love transcends the time we are apart, but it's not the same love. I re-fall in love with my SO every visit. I have to because it simply isn't the same being LD as it is being CD.

So I guess what I'm getting at is: you absolutely can fall in love online, but be cautious. Just because it works LD doesn't mean that it can translate to CD because they are very different types of loving someone. Even when you do fall in love, long distance is extra work because you literally cannot stop continuing to fall in love with them every visit, but in a way, that's a really good thing. It's good to know that you can always find that place of love again because, at least for me, my SO feels a little bit like a stranger when we see each other again after months apart. I know him better than I know myself, but his physical self is very different than his emotional/intellectual self. I have to relearn about him and relove everything that makes him him.

As far as moving too fast or the feeling going away, only you can decide that. You can compare your relationship with other LDRs, but in the end, the only thing that matters is how you and your SO feel about it. Some people close the distance in a matter of months, some years. Some people talk non-stop, others go days without talking. Every aspect of this relationship is unique, so if you feel you are going too fast, then you are. If you feel like it's good, then it's good. Just as I said before, remember to be cautious because LD isn't the same as CD. There is no guarantee that you will still feel the same way when you meet him, also you only get to see one side of him: the one he shows. You rarely get to see the results of a bad day, how he talks to his mom, or how he reacts when his dish got messed up at a restaurant. You'll see those things with time, but as of right now, there just isn't everything that you can know about a person.

[kittyxuchiha11]

Pretty much agree what the other posters have said. in the end its your relationship so there's really no such thing as moving too fast. there are people who date for a few weeks and fall madly in love and say i love you so if you feel like you love your SO now and think that telling him that wont totally freak him out then that's great. I know that i fall for people really really easily and by about the 2 month mark of me and my SO just being friends i felt like i wanted to tell her i loved her. Basically, it doesn't matter how fast it moves, no one can judge how fast you fall in love with someone so please don't worry about it too much :3

[Unicorn26]

I met my SO online. It took about a year if being really close friends before we both realised that we were in love with each other. He said it first, and I yelled at him for being stupid, told him it's impossible and he wasn't in love with me, he was in love with the idea of me. I was wrong.

A few months later I came to terms with it and told him I felt the same. We never looked back after that. I felt deep love and affection for him but it wasn't until we met in person that it was 100% sure. It was really awkward at first as we were both sooooo nervous but after a day or two it was just magical. I felt like I fell in love all over again and we had another honeymoon period. When I got home we were loved up for another period of time and I'm sure once he has booked his ticket to come visit me here it will start all over again.

I say go with your instincts. Try not to analise too much, I was always laughing at people who fell in love over the Internet then it happened to me and I was powerless to stop it. He truly is the best thing to ever happen to me though. I thought the same that this guy is too good to be true but he is totally for real. It is strange though when you do finally meet in person, just little things like the way they move, their mannerisms, they way they sit, sleep, eat, gesticulate etc it's just really strange to start with. when I was with my SO in person I noticed a few things that I know would get on my nerves over time but now I'm back and we are apart I honestly cannot remember what they were ha!

Go meet him. Go with it, it might just be the best thing ever!!!

[whatruckus]

Sometimes I'm skeptical of people who say they're madly in love so soon, but then I have to remind myself that I was the same way with my ex and my SO. My ex and I started dating after 2 weeks; my SO and I started dating after a month. We were a little slower. My SO didn't tell me he loved me until we'd been dating for 2 months, and my ex told me after like a week. With my ex, I should've realized it was a red flag, but that's because he turned out to be a terrible person. My SO isn't a terrible person, we just didn't realize how bad his mental state really was until we got into our relationship deeper. Also, my SO and I had met 3 times that month to get a feel for each other, and we talked every day. The weekend we ended up starting our relationship officially was the first weekend I stayed over...and it ended up with me staying the whole week because it was Christmas.

I think, if you feel like this is right, then that's all the matters. No one can tell you you're moving too fast because they're not you and they're not in your relationship. Sometimes I wonder if my SO and I moved too fast, maybe we did, but at the time it felt right.

[R&R]

All of the other posters are correct that you and your SO are the only ones who can determine how fast the relationship will go. I’ll answer your questions with what are only my opinion.

1. The question to ask is do you think you are moving too fast or are other people telling you that you are? If it is your own, honest concern, then that may be your own inner alarm system telling you to slow down.
2. Feelings in any relationship (CD or LD) change as the relationship grows and goes longer. For some, it ebbs and flows. For others, it’s that initial giddy feeling years later. Yet others fall into a comfortable, easy going relationship and work very well together. Every relationship is different.
3. Yes, you can love someone before you’ve physically met. Love isn’t that physical closeness; it’s so much more. You can have that strong connection and love that person wholly even before you’ve had your first kiss. Some people have close and physical relationships with someone CD but aren’t ever in love with them. Close or apart doesn’t really factor in to loving someone.

I think meeting is a good next step. I wouldn’t be so concerned about closing the distance at this point. Take things step by step. If you were CD and been dating 2 months, would you already be talking about moving in together? Probably not. So don’t feel the need to rush the closing the distance conversation. There are a lot of steps before you get to that. Especially with him having children as that’s a whole different hurdle. One step at a time.

[jar143]

Thanks I totally understand what you're saying. The honeymoon stage is definitely real. Lol

[jar143]

I never thought about anything changing once we meet up so that's something I'll definitely be cautious about thanks

[jar143]

I will do my best live through each moment no worry

[jar143]

Thank you so much I really love how you beak it down.

[ChloChlo]

I think there are definitely stages of "in love" that happen when you meet people online. At least, there is for me.

When I met my S/O, he fell in love with me very quickly - after only a few weeks. I realized I loved him as well, but recognized that it was mostly the idea of him I was in love with. I don't think it makes it any less "real" - it's just different. We were friends and I was falling in love with the visual, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual side of him that I was getting to know. But I had experienced that kind of "ohh I really love having this person's presence in my life" twitterpation in a few other online-founded dating relationships that did not translate AT ALL to the physical world.

So before I met my S/O, I knew I was in a kind of non-tangible love with him - it was super idealistic and sparkling because mundane life didn't interfere with it. But I knew that things could radically change once we met. And they did - not in a bad way, but shifting that ethereal love into the physical world can feel strange. You realize you had expectations, assumptions, and imaginings about the person that are different in real life. Again, not in a bad way necessarily - just different.

I wonder if relationships that began in a non-physical way involve a lot of re-falling in love, and LDR relationships that begin online have even MORE of that. First you fall in love with the person you know online/phone/Skype/ etc. Then you have to fall in love with the person you meet in the flesh. Then you have to go back to that first person you met when you part ways...until the next time you meet. Then when you close the distance, you have to fall in love with the person that you have perhaps never spent more than a few consecutive weeks with. It's a constant process of assessment, adjustment, and learning. Any relationship is, but online LDRs seem to be an extreme version!

So, TL;DR version, to answer your questions:

1. No, you are not moving too fast with feelings. Feelings kind of do what they want, and they do it right away. Just recognize that these feelings may change - and that does not make them any less "real" or "right". If it feels right to you, listen to that. If it doesn't feel right, listen to that!
2. This feeling you have now may go away, but it might be replaced with something else just as great, only in a different way.
3. Yes I think you can love someone you've never met, but it is a different kind of love. No less real.

Falling in love with anyone means getting in over your head!

[Lycka]

One thing I noticed when looking back at our text messages, mails etc, was that we we're more intense, curious, tried out a lot. We seemed to be "wild" (we've been togehter for over 2 years). I wouldn't say it's not intense now, and we try out a lot too, but different today. It's more deep though and stable. And it's not boring because we're not wild anymore, it's amazing. Just wanted to share that and to say it's okay