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    #1

    I don't know what to think or do

    Hello,

    Me and my SO had a lot of arguments before, but we discussed that and the last days we haven't had a single argument, untill today.
    Tomorrow she has school till 11.30. Then she has free hours till 16.00. She told me that her mum would pick her up so she would go home and we would Skype. Then she asked her mum if she would be there, but her mum told her that she had to work, so she has to stay at school. I was disappointed and she knows that more than anyone. I want to see her every time I can. After she knew that I was disappointed, she told me that I am annoying and she went to bed (we would play a game together online, but she just went away because she was getting annoyed by me..).
    Then we talked on Whatsapp and I asked her if we could Skype in those 5,5 hours (not all of them) that she is waiting at school, but she told me no, because she will be with friends..
    I told her that she sees her friends every day at school, and I find 5,5 hours really long. I told her: "You wanna stay 5,5 hours with your friends, but you can't skype with me for 1 hour or something? It feels like you find your friends more important to me."
    I also told her, that to me it feels like that she doesn't want to see me that bad. (Because she went to bed like that, just because I was disappointed, even though I didn't see her today, and because she doesn't wanna skype in 5,5 hours..)

    When I said that, she told me these things:
    - "Hope u feel guilty."
    - "Let me live, let me have my liberty"
    - "Ok fine let's play. Im done now rly. I hope ur ready for a few days rly" (With that she means that she wouldn't talk to me for a few days).

    It feels like a revenge, like she's taking revenge on me, but for what..? For missing her..?

    Then to finish the chat she said: "Have a nice night, bye"...


    It hurts really much.. I'm really sensitive and I've been crying kinda long now every time I think about it. It's like she doesn't understand me..
    It feels like she doesn't care if she can't see me, like she doesn't care if the day ends like this..

    I don't know what to do anymore, but it hurts..
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    #2
    Honestly, it sounds like you are way more vested in this relationship than she is. She is very independent and focused on her friends and school right now. From what you've written, it sounds like your life currently revolves around her: when you can text her, when you can talk with her, when you can Skype with her.

    Get out and do your own thing. She is and you should too. I've said this so many times I feel like I should put it as my tag line "A relationship should ENHANCE an already full life and not become your life". When your relationship or the other person becomes your only focus, you smother them and that's a sure way to end a relationship really quickly. You can see her already starting to pull away.

    I'm not saying you can't miss her and I understand you wanting to Skype. However, becoming suffocating and trying to make her feel guilty about spending time with friends is acting like a petulant child. And I can pretty much guarantee you, if you start to make her feel like she has to make a choice between them and you.......you'll be the one to go.
    To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

    ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

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      #3
      It was her mum who cancelled, not her. You make it sound like she ditched you. I wouldn't want to Skype from school either, or work, what is the point if you can't have privacy. Sulking is not sexy. You act like you have no life on your own. She has a life, and you. People that influence what she can do, or chooses to do.

      I am personally thankful that SO has a life of his own. He enjoys staying with friends, and I relax knowing that he has a good time with them.

      I had an ex like you. We were cd, and she wanted us to stay together all the time. She would call me when I spent time with friends and make me feel guilty for being social. This put a huge strain on our relationship.

      If you want more of your gf's attention, make spending time with you enjoyable. One way to do that is to fill your life beyond her, so that your convo becomes more interesting because you will have things to share and you will envolve as a person.
      I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
      - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



      "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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        #4
        Honestly I understand more of what your girlfriend is feeling. I too get annoyed when my SO texts me when I'm at school because I am either having lunch, in class, or talking with friends. It feels like he's interrupting my me time when he does that and I don't like it. Then he usually asks to Skype or wants to hear my voice but I just can't at that moment.

        So I agree with everyone else here. Try to keep yourself busy and live your own life. Sit down and talk with her about planning times for just you two to talk. I personally know from experience that it's easier said than done, but real true relationships are never easy and it's up to you two to make it work.

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          #5
          I can understand where you both are coming from.

          In the beginning of my relationship, I wanted to talk to my SO all the time. I got really upset if our plans to talk had crumbled. I got frustrated when he went out with his friends and didn't talk to me. However, being in this relationship for quite awhile, I have learned a few things. We need to let the other person go out and lives their lives instead of talking to them 24/7. I know that's not always easy or what you may want, but it's the cold hard truth. I like to say that we are living separate lives right now, and there's nothing we can do about it at the moment. In a way, that is true. My SO is in his country working, going to school, and has family obligations. I'm the same way, I'm over here doing my own thing separate from what he's doing.

          Let your girlfriend go out with friends and have a good time. Try to busy yourself with work or hobbies. I personally find LDR's being a matter of balance in life. Make time for your SO, but don't devote all of it on your her. You can't let your relationship situation hold you back from living your either. Go and enjoy your life, relax, hang out with friends. It's much more satisfying than sitting around and waiting for your SO to come home from what she's doing. Trust me, It won't help the relationship.

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            #6
            Thanks for all your replies, I guess I'll just have to accept it and get over it

            Comment

              #7
              I don't think that it is about getting over it , it is about you having a life of your own, that you can share with her when both of you can spend some time together. Spend time with you friends and family and then tell her about it. A healthy relationship is about both of you having your own space and individuality and sharing that with your SO. If you don't get out into the world and just expect your SO to be available for you any moment, any second, of everyday. Then both of you will end up going down hill. You because you will always feel that she is not up to your expectations and she because she feels suffocated and that is not healthy for any of you.
              So go ahead! Have a life, make one that is enjoyable for you both to share and she will share even more of her life with you!

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