Hi, i'm new here, but i really, really need advice :(

[Anonymouse55]

-solved-

thanks everybody.

[sasad]

She appears to be using you.... What does she mean that you had your chance, and she has no feelings anymore? Well except for casual sex it seems....

[Anonymouse55]

------

[pizza_heart]

because you had sex with her the second time you met, doesn't mean it wasn't just casual.

to me it is pretty clear she is using you as a booty call because you won't say no, you love her. she is playing hard to get, even when she admitted having feelings for her ex. you're an easy, cheap ego boost. don't let her use you.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

Hello and welcome to the forum. Here's how it works here:We're here to help you and we will be honest with you whether you want to hear what we have to say or not. That's the beauty (or curse) or the internet. However, no matter how bad it gets (and believe me, these comments are not nearly as blunt as some you will find), please don't erase your post. Other people may have experienced what you're going through or have a different take on what happened and now they don't have a chance to respond as they don't know what you really need advice on.

[TheSteelAngel]

Hello and welcome to the forum. Here's how it works here:We're here to help you and we will be honest with you whether you want to hear what we have to say or not. That's the beauty (or curse) or the internet. However, no matter how bad it gets (and believe me, these comments are not nearly as blunt as some you will find), please don't erase your post. Other people may have experienced what you're going through or have a different take on what happened and now they don't have a chance to respond as they don't know what you really need advice on.

I second this, but only because I am curious and that I do care of what you have to say OP. So on that note I really wonder what was posted here lol

[Honour]

I second this, but only because I am curious and that I do care of what you have to say OP. So on that note I really wonder what was posted here lol

Same. I guess a nerve was hit or something.

[Anonymouse55]

I second this, but only because I am curious and that I do care of what you have to say OP. So on that note I really wonder what was posted here lol

I updated it because Honour was right, the answers hit a nerve..

It doesn't sound logical to me that she'd be ''using'' me since she's not a girl who'd be using someone. (especially not me, she said this herself)

Why would she do these things but say the other?

[pizza_heart]

I updated it because Honour was right, the answers hit a nerve..

It doesn't sound logical to me that she'd be ''using'' me since she's not a girl who'd be using someone. (especially not me, she said this herself)

Why would she do these things but say the other?

actions speak louder than words. it's the hard truth.

[Anonymouse55]

actions speak louder than words. it's the hard truth.

so which one of she said or did is leaning more towards what she wants?

[whatruckus]

Um. Is this for real?

Look, I'm going to be extremely blunt and not sugar coat it for you because it doesn't seem like you get it:

SHE TOLD YOU SHE DOES NOT HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU. But, you still want to be with her? This isn't the movies. She's not going to miraculously change her mind. You can't make her change her mind. You can't make her stop having feelings for her ex. She used you. Slept with you, spooned with you, used your company to replace what she had with her ex. Then tells you that she still has feelings for her ex and is not over him. This is how actions speak louder than words. You give in to her because you are infatuated with her. That's not love.

You don't believe that she is the type to use you because you don't want to believe it. You want to see her through your rose-colored glasses and want to believe that she is a good girl who might secretly have feelings for you, any type of romantic, relationship-type, feelings for you. But, sorry. She doesn't. She said she doesn't. She said she is still in love with her ex, but she's willing to give you two a "try"? Um. No. Relationships don't work that way. Then she says that it "wouldn't be fair" to you? Manipulation. Plain and simple. It's basically her saying, "I don't really want to be with you, but I want you in my life to fill that void of being in a relationship...especially one like I had with my ex, because I can't have him. You're second-best and I know you'll do it for me because I know you're infatuated with me."

Move on. Delete her completely. She doesn't care about you the way you want her to, and after all these years of you hoping that she would, she hasn't. If she did, she wouldn't have used you. She wouldn't have strung you along.

P.S. - My Ex told me he wasn't using me either, I believed him. My family lost thousands of dollars (as well as me) because of him. He cheated on me constantly, always bringing me back with, "I always loved you and I want to marry you." Only because it didn't work out with the girls he cheated on me with. People like your Ex and my Ex are users and narcissistic. People like you and me tend to be gullible because we want to believe that everyone is good. Something I've learned along the way: Not everyone is as good as you think they are.

Sorry for coming off pretty harsh, but if you were my friend IRL, I'd say it exactly the same way. It just really grinds my gears when I see people getting taken advantage of, because I know how it feels and it's a horrible feeling when you come to terms with it.

[Anonymouse55]

Thank you for your reply, I really appreciate it.


It's really hard for me to believe that this is all 'just' a set-up or anything. Although i'd like to correct you on one thing. I'm not infatuated but I'm in love. It's the distance which makes me hard to deal with me loving her, it just makes me desire her more.

I can't help giving up easily.. that's against my nature..

I would like to see succesful stories of similar experiences, i'm certainly sure someone else went through the same..

[spanglishjoe]

I'm really sorry. I think the best you can do here is be upfront, tell her how you feel, and flat out ask her how she sees your relationship. If she doesn't give any indication that it could go somewhere, and soon, I would personally break ties that same night. It might sound cold to some, but you have to protect your integrity and heart. LDRs are a commitment of time, emotions, and finances. I would not make that commitment to somebody who is not committed to me, no matter how attractive they might seem. You only have one life, and it's a big world out there. That being said, I hope it works out for you if you see the potential for a positive healthy relationship with her.

[Miasmata]

But that's the thing. You are asking for successful stories of situations that cannot have any success. If one person doesn't want to be in a relationship, they don't want to be. That's that. She doesn't have feelings for you. That's also that. No matter how much you wish that would change or how much you are in love with a version of her that reciprocates your feelings, it's not the reality of things. Don't keep following her, waiting for the emotional equivalent of crumbs she might toss. You deserve better than that, and you deserve to be with someone who enthusiastically, openly wants to be with you.

[whatruckus]

But that's the thing. You are asking for successful stories of situations that cannot have any success. If one person doesn't want to be in a relationship, they don't want to be. That's that. She doesn't have feelings for you. That's also that. No matter how much you wish that would change or how much you are in love with a version of her that reciprocates your feelings, it's not the reality of things. Don't keep following her, waiting for the emotional equivalent of crumbs she might toss. You deserve better than that, and you deserve to be with someone who enthusiastically, openly wants to be with you.

This. That's why I kept emphasizing that she told you she doesn't have feelings for you. Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't feel the same way? Why would you do that to yourself? If she comes around some day, great, but honestly...don't expect that to happen. And, don't hold out hope and start a relationship with her just because you think she might love you some day. If you close yourself off just to her because she said she's willing to date you, you're going to be sad and lonely. You'll waste your time on someone who isn't even invested in the relationship, when you can find someone who actually will be and someone who will love you, be with you, and willingly wants this.