Well, I want to ask you all if I’ve been unfair to my SO in terms of what I ask her for communication.
The good: we both are confident in our love for each other. we don’t text as non-stop as we used to back during the infatuation stage, but we definitely make the effort and I’d say the longest we’ll go without text is from good night to good morning, or maybe a lunch text to after work. we have constant connection and trust; we’ve been exclusive since the very beginning. She usually stayed up on my Monday and Tuesday class nights this fall to say a quick good night over whatsapp (ie 5-10 minutes) when I got out of class at 9pm. Maybe we skyped for a half hour on a Sunday afternoon. Basically, she’s adorable and I love her very much.
The issue: I feel like I need more visual contact in our relationship (skype or facetime). Lack of it makes me feel like I’m missing the chance to connect on a deeper level, and truthfully it makes me feel like less of a priority sometimes, even if I know she loves me. To me, it’s the equivalent of a date. Examples from this fall:
• There was a Saturday where I asked her for a date night on skype. She promised we would. She went out with a friend all day to the mall, movie, dinner, and then said she was going to go out with the same friend “just for an hour” to see an acoustic concert. In the end, the friend ordered food, and the date night never happened because they came home too late.
• There were a couple of Saturdays where she had told me she would have a date night with me, but ended up going to her best friend’s house and staying overnight
• I’d been asking for a date night since August, didn’t get it until November and it fell through after a half hour because she got sick (I was understanding), and she never asked me about trying it again, to this day. It’s disappointing because these requests for a date night were my strong hint that I needed a little more, but it never really happened.
It makes me feel like I’m not a priority sometimes. I know she’s busy (i.e. 7am-7pm work days), but so am I and I’d make 20 minutes for her every day if she was up for it. I’d be flexible if she was sick, friend came to town, needed a night of space, etc. I just want to feel the love from a girlfriend who comes home wanting to share her day, no matter how rough, and no matter how little time we might have to talk. I’d be there for her through it all. I’d do what it takes. I even lent some assistance to her data plan since she moved to a home without wifi, but I haven’t seen any increase in video calls. It’s just hard when the conversation hours she gives me often are so late she’s falling asleep on me, when she’s at a friend’s house, or when she knows she didn’t call the night before and tries to call me in the morning while we’re both at work (my pet peeve, but I know she means well and haven’t complained).
She used to do this all the time for me and when we do skype, I can visually see and feel that she loves being with me. I encourage her to develop relationships with friends and family, her ex from a year before me was controlling and didn’t let her see friends or text much (totally messed up). I told today to dump any man, including me, who tries to lead her down that path again. I explained my feelings. I told her I’ll work with her and meet in the middle. She’s on vacation now and we meet in person in 12 days, so I know she’ll make the time now. But I want reassurance that our communication will work for both of us when we go back to ldr in January, that’s what’s keeping me up at night (metaphorically). I tried to emphasize the sweet things she does for me. She says she understands. But I still feel terrible for bringing it up, even if it’s how I feel. One call and short video chat a week just isn't making me happy, despite the sweet texts and sincerity.
Am I being unreasonable? Or is there some sense to what I’m feeling and trying to say. I appreciate your thoughts, ask if you need any details. Sorry this is long. I just want to express that she does care for me, and I for her.
The good: we both are confident in our love for each other. we don’t text as non-stop as we used to back during the infatuation stage, but we definitely make the effort and I’d say the longest we’ll go without text is from good night to good morning, or maybe a lunch text to after work. we have constant connection and trust; we’ve been exclusive since the very beginning. She usually stayed up on my Monday and Tuesday class nights this fall to say a quick good night over whatsapp (ie 5-10 minutes) when I got out of class at 9pm. Maybe we skyped for a half hour on a Sunday afternoon. Basically, she’s adorable and I love her very much.
The issue: I feel like I need more visual contact in our relationship (skype or facetime). Lack of it makes me feel like I’m missing the chance to connect on a deeper level, and truthfully it makes me feel like less of a priority sometimes, even if I know she loves me. To me, it’s the equivalent of a date. Examples from this fall:
• There was a Saturday where I asked her for a date night on skype. She promised we would. She went out with a friend all day to the mall, movie, dinner, and then said she was going to go out with the same friend “just for an hour” to see an acoustic concert. In the end, the friend ordered food, and the date night never happened because they came home too late.
• There were a couple of Saturdays where she had told me she would have a date night with me, but ended up going to her best friend’s house and staying overnight
• I’d been asking for a date night since August, didn’t get it until November and it fell through after a half hour because she got sick (I was understanding), and she never asked me about trying it again, to this day. It’s disappointing because these requests for a date night were my strong hint that I needed a little more, but it never really happened.
It makes me feel like I’m not a priority sometimes. I know she’s busy (i.e. 7am-7pm work days), but so am I and I’d make 20 minutes for her every day if she was up for it. I’d be flexible if she was sick, friend came to town, needed a night of space, etc. I just want to feel the love from a girlfriend who comes home wanting to share her day, no matter how rough, and no matter how little time we might have to talk. I’d be there for her through it all. I’d do what it takes. I even lent some assistance to her data plan since she moved to a home without wifi, but I haven’t seen any increase in video calls. It’s just hard when the conversation hours she gives me often are so late she’s falling asleep on me, when she’s at a friend’s house, or when she knows she didn’t call the night before and tries to call me in the morning while we’re both at work (my pet peeve, but I know she means well and haven’t complained).
She used to do this all the time for me and when we do skype, I can visually see and feel that she loves being with me. I encourage her to develop relationships with friends and family, her ex from a year before me was controlling and didn’t let her see friends or text much (totally messed up). I told today to dump any man, including me, who tries to lead her down that path again. I explained my feelings. I told her I’ll work with her and meet in the middle. She’s on vacation now and we meet in person in 12 days, so I know she’ll make the time now. But I want reassurance that our communication will work for both of us when we go back to ldr in January, that’s what’s keeping me up at night (metaphorically). I tried to emphasize the sweet things she does for me. She says she understands. But I still feel terrible for bringing it up, even if it’s how I feel. One call and short video chat a week just isn't making me happy, despite the sweet texts and sincerity.
Am I being unreasonable? Or is there some sense to what I’m feeling and trying to say. I appreciate your thoughts, ask if you need any details. Sorry this is long. I just want to express that she does care for me, and I for her.
Comment