what to do when you meet someone you might come to like

[Sakuu4]

Hello everyone,
right to the point: I met this guy at a friend's house and as soon as I saw him I got this "I am interested in this person" feeling. Felt the same with SO, but other people like my best friend too, so it doesn't have to be a romantic feeling. Still, as I got to know him better I felt guilty already. Maybe for this reason I had the need to tell every details of that party to my bf, even showed him a pic of this boy.

Of course I don't have any intention of cheating on my bf, I am just wondering if it happened to someone else and what would you do if you felt a strange situation may develop?

I thought to just leave it be as it wasn't anything bad, but even now that I am visiting my bf I feel bad about that.
I met this guy once more before leaving and we have plans once I'm back. Also, we have been texting while I'm here (I'm offen alone since SO has school), even if I thought not writing to him would help, This whole thing is still on my mind.

thank you and sorry if some point is not clear

[Miasmata]

So, do you feel guilty for having a platonic connection with someone, or do you feel like it's a romantic connection instead? There is no need to feel guilty for either, really, though the latter would obviously have more implications.

No "strange situation" will develop if you don't act on any feelings you might develop. Though, if you feel romantic feelings for someone who's not your SO, that is at the very least strong cause for concern. Also, could it "just" be that you're lonely and missing personal affection? How often do you visit your SO/get visited, if at all?

[Honour]

What Miasmata said. Just because you like someone or become interested in them doesn't necessarily mean you'll be anything but friends with them. Keep this in mind.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

It is perfectly natural to be attracted to people. It's also normal to be flattered if people hit on you. Whenever I'm in a bar and a hot guy hits on me, I always say no immediately. Do I ever regret that decision? Absolutely not, I love my SO more than anything and would never do anything to hurt him. Do I ever flirt with a guy for a little bit just to get an ego boost before I tell him absolutely not? I have to guiltily say yes. Does it make me feel guilty? Yes it does. Am I doing anything wrong? No. I don't think so. Flirting is "okay" within the bounds of our relationship. The fact that I found someone attractive and probably would have danced/kissed/whatever them if I didn't have my SO does make me feel guilty, but because I didn't do anything it is okay. As the famous saying goes "you can look, but you can't touch".

[Unicorn26]

I always think "how would I feel if my SO did this to me?" and that's my answer.

I have a male friend, I was very close to him, he was a great support to me when my SO was extremely ill. Although he is very different to me and I wasn't attracted to him as such, feelings did start to develop. I stepped back from the friendship. We still speak but nowhere near as much. I felt like I was being disloyal to my SO.

Care needs to be taken as it can get pretty lonely in ldr sometimes. We are only human, things can happen. Just be careful.

[kittyxuchiha11]

As the others have said it's totally normally to feel attracted to people, please don't feel guilty about that. I love my SO loads yet i am a person who has a lot of love to give and can get very very attached to people. Like I'm in love with my SO but i have an awful lot of love for my friends and sometimes those feelings can feel sort of similar. but really don't worry, finding someone who you seem drawn to doesn't mean you're going to suddenly fall in love with them and cheat on your SO, you could just make a really awesome close friend :3

[Sakuu4]

Thanks for your answers, I feel better!

Also, could it "just" be that you're lonely and missing personal affection? How often do you visit your SO/get visited, if at all?

We visit each other every 2/3 months for 2 weeks, but it has to be said that we have been close distance for one year in the beginning and it was quite hard to adjust to being LD. Maybe what I feel the lack of, is talking about important stuff -values, future project and so on- which is hard with my SO as he is kind of an introvert, while it was easy with this new guy.
So yes, maybe I am feeling lonely on that aspect.

The fact that I found someone attractive and probably would have danced/kissed/whatever them if I didn't have my SO does make me feel guilty

That's exactly what happens for me. I guess this time I am worrying because I don't just feel attracted phisicaly but mentally as well.

To Unicorn26, something similar happened to me too, that's why this time I am kind of thinking "how to prevent". But maybe I'm thinking too much ahead of time.

As everyone said, it doesn't have to be more than a nice friendship, so I will try to keep this in mind!

thanks again

[Ripstar]

You will always finding other people attractive. You are human.. There's nothing wrong with being friends, friend are great to have. But if you could see yourself getting a crush, you should stop and think. It will not do your relationship any good, and it will not make life happier.

Like i said your human and will always finding other people attractive. Especially if he has attributes your boyfriend dos not. But the grass is not always greener on the other side. Sometime it just looks like it is, because of the place we are in life.
If your happy and in love, back away from this guy and keep him in the friend zone. If your unhappy with your boyfriend, think about it and see if it can be fixed first, and if you decide you cant fix the problems or you don't think you can not cheat with this guy. Than you should do what would not hurt your boyfriend. If that is breaking up or not having this guy as your friend, that is up to you. But please give this a lot of thought before you do any of it.

[Ripstar]

sorry, forum lag and did a double post. maybe mods can delete this.

[twentynine11]

Be careful! Do not risk your relationship for the sake of a feeling you have with this person.
While I do have guys friends, I avoid putting myself in situations like this. I wouldn't want my SO to make plans with a female or text her while he is spending "few and far between" time with me. Neither of us would give the opposite sex the time of day. This is what works for us though. Everyone is different.
I'm not saying that you are, but just asking... Do you think you are drawing toward this guy (texting and making plans) so that you have something to look forward to when you have to go back home away from your SO?

[Sakuu4]

I'm not unhappy with my boyfriend, but I do think there are things that need to be fixed.
This visit came at the right time, but I still haven't talked to him. I am waiting for his school projects to be over ( that's what I think, or maybe I'm just postponing..)

I don't believe this guy can be "better", moreover he probably doesn't even see me in that way. Actually, the fact that I felt attracted to him probably made me so upset cause it brought me to realize I'm not completely satisfied with my relationship.

I'm not saying that you are, but just asking... Do you think you are drawing toward this guy (texting and making plans) so that you have something to look forward to when you have to go back home away from your SO?

I haven't think about that, but this can be a reason too! thank you for bringing it up!
Also, the fact that he lives in my country is a big part. If my bf was there I probably wouldn't mind this guy that much :/

[differentcountries]

So, do you feel guilty for having a platonic connection with someone, or do you feel like it's a romantic connection instead? There is no need to feel guilty for either, really, though the latter would obviously have more implications.

No "strange situation" will develop if you don't act on anything you feel

OP, I am now assuming this is not a platonic crush. You sound smitten with him. Strange situations may very well develop. I am not saying you will cheat but you risk making this big by the very attention you give.

I understand where the "just don't act on it and nothing will happen" comes from, but feelings doesn't neccesarily need anything physical to develop. In fact, the very distance we create to feel "safe" can make the feelings seem forbidden and enchance them. It is the Romeo and Julie effect ; we throw the upset feelings into the mix and it makes romantic feelings grow. They can be remarkably stubbern even if seemingly not fed. Our mind still feed whatever occupies it.

SOs friend got attracted to me and is still smitten with me one year later, we have never even been alone together. I know where he comes from, because I was mutually in love with a man I barely touched and hardly spent alone time with for 4-5 years.

[twentynine11]

I haven't think about that, but this can be a reason too! thank you for bringing it up!
Also, the fact that he lives in my country is a big part. If my bf was there I probably wouldn't mind this guy that much :/

I know how much it sucks to separate again after a visit. It isn't fun. Currently, my SO is visiting for holidays for three weeks. It has been hard to enjoy the time he has spent here so far because I know I'll have to go through the pain of him leaving all over again in three weeks.
I don't have this LDR stuff figured out by no means. lol