Post-Fight: Patching Things Up or Shifting to Being Just Friends?!

[Kadessa70]

Guys, please help. I'm confused.

I don't understand my boyfriend.

We got into a fight (which was mostly his fault and he'll admit to it) then had a month-long break.

He was the one who reached out.

This was two weeks ago.

In his first text to break no contact, he was giving me all this info, updating me on weird, mundane details like having been sick with a stomach bug and having furniture arrive, etc.

Anyway, that opened the doors to communication between us again. The next few days saw texts from him being genuinely concerned about my situation, asking about my job hunt (my contract expires in 9 months). He was his usual super supportive self. He even suggested that I move to where he is.

We FaceTimed a few times this weekend--good times. We joked, and he was being very flirty.

What I don't get is his distancing of himself. I know you can't bounce back so quickly after breaks, but it is frustrating. I am frustrated by how he avoids pet names and how he'll send texts just to say hi and nothing more. Sometimes we will have long talks about nothing and silly things as we did before, but lately (the past two days), it's just been a lot of 'how are yous?' and nothing more. But then he will sign off most times with a kiss (in texts: xoxox). It's hot and cold.

Lately, I've not initiated any contact, but he does. He seems to be making sure not a day goes by without texting, even if it's a simple hello.

One can easily tired of that. Like, where is this going?

I just can't bring myself to get excited about us again, not when he's lukewarm.

But I do want things to be as they were before. Right before the fight, we were the best we've ever been and have been together for a year and a half plus two years of friendship. We could be as we were before, but there is obvious hesitation on his side.

He's coming next month and wants to see me, but that's not the main purpose of the trip. He's coming home for a week or so to take care of some administrative things.

How do we move forward?

[differentcountries]

I cant say how you guys need to do things. But SO and I had a big fight. It was very unexpected for him, he is very shy of conflict, but I had to either fight with him or break up. I think he was relieved I could be angry at him while also loving him very much, but it is hard... I am his first real romantic relationship and we have hardly disagreed on anything before. He is very inexerperienced. Even in his friendships, it takes a lot for him to speak his mind.

Lukewarm would be a good way to describe our relationship now. We are very close at times. He messages me and tells me he misses me, he is sad and bored without me, says it has been forever etc. Then I don't hear from him in almost 24 hours, he sleeps or is watching movies with his friend all night.

I think How are you's are fine but of course they can become a bit boring. I find that sometimes it is nice to just cut to the core and say I miss you like crazy, or I feel like crap over the distance.

I don't believe in "as before". You either become stronger or weaker, but you are not the same.

I have neglected our relationship as well due to family obligations, but I will find a way to call and Skype him tomorrow. I will remind myself that part of the reason he likes me, is that my personality is a bit like his loving but strong-willed mum. I need to show that. It will make him feel safe,not scared.

[sasad]

I guess some of it depends on why you broke up and why you fought. It seems you are also being hesitant about your relationship. If he is coming next month, maybe you two should sit down and hash it out. Do you still want to be with him? He is instigating all contact. How do you think he feels about that? Maybe he is pulling back, because you still are. It can be better than it was before, but you both need to figure it out. Together.

[Ejoriah]

Have you asked him about all of this? I think that would be your first step.