Trusting

[Enamorado610]

One was that he said he wasn't spending on an online game. Had his login info and looked to me like he did but I had no proof. 2nd one was that he had my photo as his phones home page but when he took a screen shot it wasn't there...that's the one I broke it off over. Third I also have no proof was in regards to email sent to him from his student loan department saying that they are still processing it but mail was so unprofessional that I believed it to be fake. All those sounds pretty bad right?

[Enamorado610]

He has met my kid and bought bday gifts and Christmas gifts and spends so much time with me. If all this isn't real it would 1 make him evil and 2 not give a shit about us which is so hard to believe

[sasad]

So have you met in person????

[Enamorado610]

No only video chats

[Honour]

Better to be single, happy and free of torment, than in a relationship that makes you unhappy, is full of lies and disillusioned. By all means, stay with him if you're a glutton for punishment. But someone who continuously lies will never be trustworthy, and you'll always be upset.

[Unicorn26]

You said you're in Washington, is that Washington in the US?

I am in a transatlantic LDR. It took almost 3 years to meet my SO in person. There were a lot of complications that caused the delays (ill health and my SO losing his home as a consequence of that being the biggie) but at no point in that time did my SO EVER lie to me about anything.

Arranging a trip from UK to USA (if that's the Washington that you're at) takes a fair bit of preparation. You need ESTA and insurance. I'm hoping he has a passport already as most UK citizens do, but honestly 7 months is not that long. It may take a lot longer before you finally meet in person.

In order for a LDR to work, especially an international one, you need great patience and a level head. Over thinking is going to destroy your self esteem. It's tough, really tough! And believe me, if you meet in person and everything is cool, it gets waaaaaaaay harder. I am still trying to come to terms with the adjustment after meeting my SO in person. I thought I missed him before, but since meeting him and knowing exactly what I'm missing... wow it's extremely hard, especially as we have no set date when we are going to meet again yet.

The lies are a red flag but honestly, I think you are way overreacting about the wallpaper on his phone. That's a really petty thing to break up over and if that's gonna bother you that much, I really don't think you're cut out for LDR.

My ex husband lied to me numerous times. It wasn't the things he lied about that were the problem, it was the trust. It had gone. I tried for 3 years to make it work but that lack of trust is like cancer. It eats away and destroys your relationship. It got to the point where I doubted everything he said and despite having over 20 years and 2 kids together, I had to walk away.

You cannot love without trust and if he can't be honest with you now, then what hope do you have?

[sasad]

I would assume you are in WA state and not DC?
Again, things can be very different when you meet in person. You don't know if you will "click" the same way in person.
I agree that the phone thing may have been a little overreacting, unless he lies (and apparently seems too) about other stuff.
Listen to the other posters. It's been 7 months, he lies, in some form or another, can't visit etc.
you can't really love without trust, and you don't trust him
Some of the lies, seem more petty and kind of an immature reaction (again, unless I am reading that part wrong)
You are setting yourself and possibly your kids, for being hurt by allowing that behavior to continue from him and accepting it.
I dunno, there seem to be way too many flags with you too.

[kittyxuchiha11]

One was that he said he wasn't spending on an online game. Had his login info and looked to me like he did but I had no proof. 2nd one was that he had my photo as his phones home page but when he took a screen shot it wasn't there...that's the one I broke it off over. Third I also have no proof was in regards to email sent to him from his student loan department saying that they are still processing it but mail was so unprofessional that I believed it to be fake. All those sounds pretty bad right?

As someone who lives in scotland, let me tell you that our student loan company is anything but professional. When they send emails they don't have any sort of logo on them and their letters aren't worded very professionally or anything, and they are notorious for being terrible with funding, it took them 4 months to try sort out mine and that was for the loan alone never mind the bursary. and I'm sorry if this is a bit harsh and correct me if i'm wrong but you broke it off with him because he said he had you as his phone background but didn't when he took a screenshot? do you not maybe think he did have a picture of you as it then changed it when he found another picture he thought looked cool? I think it sounds a bit of a silly reason to get really upset over honestly.

[Unicorn26]

Plus, having someone's log in info for online stuff is stalker type behaviour.

You're in an online relationship for 7 months, never met in person yet already you're stalking what he's doing online? I was married for over 10 years and didn't have my husbands log in details for anything and vice versa. I wouldn't dream of giving my SO shit for what he spends his money on, it's quite frankly none of my business. We are not married or living together so until that day, it's his business. And my finances are my business.

His old is this guy? If he's at college how do you expect him to afford a trip to see you? I have two jobs and it took me a year to save to see my SO. It was expensive. My flight was over £600 (roughly $900-$1000) plus $800 spending money, train to get to London, overnight stay in hotel, not to mention kennel fees for my dogs when I was away, plus passport, visa, insurance... If he's a student he just ain't gonna have the funds. It's a struggle to meet everyday expenses as student never mind save for a huge trip (that lets be honest, a lot of people see as a once in a lifetime thing).

Either be more patient, give him more time or walk away from this. If this is going to work you need to take a huge deep breath, stop trying to control everything and chill. It's going to be hard and there will be setbacks, there always is in LDR, it's just the way it goes. You need to ve prepared for that.

[Enamorado610]

Only had his login because we helped each other in the game. Not stalking....as for how he spends his money I couldn't care less except it was the lie that he told me he wasn't because he was saving for the trip. He's 34 like me

[Enamorado610]

Thanks and that's what I said...it wasn't the wallpaper it was the lie and so I'm not sure how to trust

[Enamorado610]

Reason I broke it off was because he went to great lengths to try to cover up the lie including making false videos instead of just admitting that he lied.

[Enamorado610]

As someone who lives in Scotland. Is it true that Internet connection there is really bad? He never seems to be able to calol at nights because he has to create some sort of aerial to get Internet. Says he lives in old buildings made of sandstone that blocks WiFi signals

[pizza_heart]

Only had his login because we helped each other in the game. Not stalking....as for how he spends his money I couldn't care less except it was the lie that he told me he wasn't because he was saving for the trip. He's 34 like me

you're 34 and you're checking his private account for "verification" so you can sleep at night knowing he's not lying? even receipts? really? if i were him, i'd be the one worried about trust.

[Enamorado610]

???? Nope not checking for verification or receipts. You can tell if someone is spending based on growth of the acct. I don't get where your hostility is coming from. By all means attack me and tell me I'm the screw up here because I'd rather believe that than end our relationship