Hey, so I have been in a ldr with this one guy I met on a chat room. We've been friends for a little while till one day we realised we fall for each other. We thought ldr will never work but decided to give a try anyway. We wanted to meet each other asap but it seems impossible. My boyfriend lives in america and he's not a citizen there. He has a grant called DACA (Deferred action for childhood arrivals) which allows him to stay there legally. What makes it shitty is that he can't leave america under that grant because if he does, he might not be able to go back america at all. He can move to my place but he has his family in america and he can't just leave them there. Another choice is for me to travel there but somehow my parents won't allow me to travel there alone at this age. They're too worrried about my safety and I might not be able to go there. The only time I can think of is when I work and not staying with my family. But that's going to take up to 5 years or more. We hate to wait and feel like it's unhealthy for us but we can't stop be because we are so in love. So my question here is there any suggestions out there to end this ldr or shall we just stop and forget? Thank you
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If he really can't travel at all sadly it's up to you to visit him. I was 17 when i went to see my ex for the first time in America and although every single family member i had was worried for my safety for going there i firmly told them this was something i wanted to do and they accepted that. How many times have you brought up this subject with your parents? if they've simply said no maybe once or twice you can try convince them. show them there are things available to help you get there safely like you can pretty much hire a flight attendant person to sit with you for the flight and they make sure you get there safely.
And honestly you shouldn't be thinking about moving at all if you haven't met yet, you can get on great online but some people are just really different in person so you need to definitely met a good few times before you should even think about moving. There are a lot of us here who have been in ldr's for years or are going to be for a long time to come because closing the distance just isn't possible just now. if it becomes apparent with time that your relationship won't work because you simply can't visit, then yes you can give up and throw it away but try fighting for it first.my girls <3
Josie (SO)
Met online ~ 17th August 2017 ~
Met in person ~ 30th August 2017 ~
Became official ~ 15th September 2017 ~
Closed the distance and moved in together! ~ 18th June 2018 ~
Ash
Met online ~ 21st November 2018 ~
Met in person ~ 26th November 2018 ~
Became official ~ 4th December 2018 ~
All moved in together! ~ 30th May 2019 ~
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you are 19. why would it take 5+ years?Comment
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When I was 19 I was backpacking across Europe. No mobile phones back then either, my parents had to wait for a postcard!
You're an adult. If you want to travel to the USA you can, they can't stop you. It may be awkward and difficult but they need to understand you can do what ever you want to.
I do understand where you're coming from as I had to to rely on my parents for help when I visited my SO for the first time, they had to look after my kids for me so I was kind of at their will, but I'm guessing you don't have those issues?
Maybe give it some time. Talk to them about him, so he becomes familiar with them. Maybe he could Skype with your parents so they can see he's not some monster? All these things helped my parents get my situation as its really quite alien to people who are of that generation. But the reality is, it's the same as an old fashioned pen pal just a lot quicker these days.
Good luck and keep us posted.Comment
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Are you in school? Many people study abroad in another country. I did it myself at 19. Maybe studying abroad in the U.S. is an option for you?Comment
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I've tried convincing my parents about this but they are just too pessimistic about ldr. I will try and thanks for your suggestions.Comment
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Because I had to finish my college firstComment
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Yeah that's what my parents had been thinking cuz we never meet each other before. They are so protective which is why it's a little hard for me to travel outside of my country. Thanks for your support!Comment
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Yeah I'm still in school. That's what we were thinking but it seems a lil hard to get placed at schools in america. I'll try anyway. Thank you for the suggestionComment
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Even as an exchange program? My experiences is that it is fairly easy to be involved in exchange programs for a semester.Originally posted by Tiarangel View PostComment
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Have you involved in any exchange programs? I heard about it but I'm not sure if I can apply for exchange programs I mean like depending on the university which involve with the program or something. If you know how, let me know.Originally posted by MissingMyDutchLove View PostComment
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Exchange programs are very common in the U.S. I don't know what country you are from, which makes it more difficult to give you advice, but it is essentially the same as Erasmus in Europe. With exchange, it is through your home university. They have to have a agreement with the university in the other country (hence the whole exchange thing) where basically one student comes over in exchange for you going there. My university has agreements with hundreds of schools around the world. You would have to look at your specific university and see what programs they offer.Originally posted by Tiarangel View PostComment
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I'm from malaysia, which is an asian country. As far as I know there is only one university here which involve with students exchange program and yeah that sucks. I'll figure out some other ways. Btw do you know anything about tranfer students in US? Thanks for your info!Originally posted by MissingMyDutchLove View PostComment
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I honestly don't have much information for you, but if you contact a university which seems like it would be a good fit for you, they could give you some more information.Comment
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