Advice: what to do when the relationship begins to seem like it won't work out

[greenteaoolongtea]

Hi guys,
so i made this account because i'm really starting to need advice on my situation. My LDR bf and i have been together a year, but we've never met. I live in a different country as him, but i'm moving in the summer of 2016 to somewhere near him for college. I can't go anywhere that is close enough to him that he won't have to move however, I can only get myself as close as one state over from him. So, doesn't matter where I go to college, i will be anywhere from 3-6 hours away from him (as opposed to 20 something hours now). We will meet this coming summer for sure, but after that, we really don't want to continue to do long distance for god knows how long until we can actually be together. We will have already been in an LDR for a year and a half, and we don't want to have to separate after meeting for the first time. The problem is, I can get myself close enough to him, but he has NO money to be able to move himself closer to me. It's starting to look like if we want to be together, we will have to do long distance for anywhere from 2 to 4 more years! He said that if he had the money, he would move to where I go to college in a heartbeat, but the problem is, there is no way for him to be able to make enough to move out and be financially independent in the next year or two. It's starting to look like we've been waiting forever for something that is bound to fail. Does anyone have any advice for me? Thank you!

[Unicorn26]

Yes. Slow down.

You haven't met in person yet. You might not work in real life.

Take each day as it comes, meet each other first, see if you click physically and then worry about these other things.

If it's worth it you will find a way to be together and not many international couples close the distance quickly, it takes a lot of time to sort these things out and you need to be totally sure everything is what you want it to be before one of you uproots and moves half way across the planet to the other one.

So yes, slow down and stick around here for plenty of support and advice from others in the same situation as you.

[BaconGirl05]

Hi, and welcome to the forums!

Regarding your question, I will agree with Unicorn and say slow down. International LDRs are one of the hardest. There's no quick way to close the distance, they take time.

My SO and I are in different countries as well. We have been together for 4 years. We were not able to meet until the end of last year. Things had stopped us from meeting before, such as school. We're only going to be starting the process of closing the distance in a few months, however, that will take another 1-3 years! I know the thought of being long distance for another 2-4 years sounds dreadful. Sadly, that may have to be the case. There are a lot of legal things you have to deal with when wanting to close the distance of an international relationship.

How old is your SO? Why can't he become financially independent?? For you two to close the distance, he will have to prove to the government that he can support you financially. That's another part of closing the distance. You have to really think about this before you jump up and choose to close the distance. Know that this process takes a lot of planning and a lot of time.

I suggest meeting first. Have a solid plan to see each other. As Unicorn said, people may not click in person even though they do online. That should be the start. After you meet, go on from there and decide what you really want.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

Hi, and welcome to the forums!

Regarding your question, I will agree with Unicorn and say slow down. International LDRs are one of the hardest. There's no quick way to close the distance, they take time.

My SO and I are in different countries as well. We have been together for 4 years. We were not able to meet until the end of last year. Things had stopped us from meeting before, such as school. We're only going to be starting the process of closing the distance in a few months, however, that will take another 1-3 years! I know the thought of being long distance for another 2-4 years sounds dreadful. Sadly, that may have to be the case. There are a lot of legal things you have to deal with when wanting to close the distance of an international relationship.

How old is your SO? Why can't he become financially independent?? For you two to close the distance, he will have to prove to the government that he can support you financially. That's another part of closing the distance. You have to really think about this before you jump up and choose to close the distance. Know that this process takes a lot of planning and a lot of time.

I suggest meeting first. Have a solid plan to see each other. As Unicorn said, people may not click in person even though they do online. That should be the start. After you meet, go on from there and decide what you really want.

Based off of the post, it sounds like OP is moving through a student visa, not a fiance visa. Therefore, he wouldn't need to prove his financial independence.

While I agree that you need to slow down, I'd like you to think of this in a different way. There are many of us on here that are literally stuck. We aren't ready or can't afford marriage, can't get a work visa due to such a small amount of them, and are already finished with school. We have no way to close the distance until we are ready to take that next step and get married. You are one of the fortunate ones. You are moving to the same country as your SO. That is honestly the hardest hurdle to jump and you are doing it already. You may still be a couple of hours away, but it's very easily able to be driven. It would give you two a chance to meet and get to know each other in person before you think about taking that next step. If and when that next step is able to be taken, then you two will be more than ready because you have had the chance to get to know each other better. At that point, all it'll take is him moving to where you are. I know it sounds super complicated right now, but just imagine if you were in your home country with no way to get to your SO without marriage. You would be begging for a chance to be a couple of hours away from your SO.

[differentcountries]

Being 3 hours away from your loved one,in the same country, sounds lovely. I hope your first meeting will be wonderful Take it one step at a time. We probably cant closure the distance temporily in at least one and a half years and permanently after that. That's just life in our current situation.

[Unicorn26]

My SO once sent me a meme that said

"Never give up on a dream because of the time it will take to achieve. The time will pass anyway"

I think that will encourage a lot of us in here.