Her mum restricts everything

[Albertx]

Hello,

it's kinda complicated but really annoying. I've been with my SO for 4,5 months now, and at the moment I'm in her village for 8 days.
I sleep at a friends house, because her mum doesn't know that we are together. I really looked forward to this week, but it's not really going good.

- Today, her mum 'wants' her to go to the city with her. She has an appointment at the doctor at 15, and after that they will go to the city. Usually we hang out together at 12 PM, but her mum doesn't want her to go out today, so basically I can't see her today.
- Tomorrow, the 31st, I can't celebrate new year with her, because she's with her mum ofcourse and she doesn't want her to go out. She could sleep at my friends house (the house where I sleep), but her mum doesn't want her to go out.
Also, she has to be home every day at 17.00 (that's just ridiculous, she's nearly 17 years old).
- Because she can't be here the 31st, she asked her mum if she could celebrate new year the 1st at someones house. (She would just come here and sleep here.)
First her mum said yes, but later she said that she wanted to see the parents and ask if there was alcohol etc. So basically my SO made something up and told her mum that she didn't wanna sleep there anymore.

I paid €180 to see her 8 days, but her mum restricts so many things. It's not about the money, it just really hurts.. The distance is hard already, but this makes it even harder..

She's scared to tell her mum about us, because she thinks that she will restrict her from seeing me.


Any advice would be welcome,

Best regards,

Albert

[snow_girl]

Perhaps it wasn't a wise decision to spend the money to see her without her knowing for sure she'd see you. You can't tell me that this all came as a complete shock, her mom probably has always been like this

[pizza_heart]

uhm.. she is nearly 17. So she's a minor, you're 20, and on top of that, her mom doesn't know she's in a LDR with an older guy. You should probably come clean about it.

[ChloChlo]

I agree with Pizza_Heart. The longer you wait and the more sneaking around and lying you do, the worse the reaction will be.

[Albertx]

Well, it's not my decision.. I told her that she should tell her mum, but she doesn't want to tell her..

[Moon]

This is what happens when you date a minor, I'm not sure what kind of advice you think we can give you. Right now, her mother is in control, and what she says goes. You can either put up with it until she's of age, or find someone who's legally an adult. That's not meant to be overly harsh, it's just the truth. If she won't tell her mom, or if she does and her mom disapproves, there's not much you can do about it, unfortunately. Don't take it so personally or let it hurt you, it's a situation without many other options, I'm afraid.

[pizza_heart]

Well, it's not my decision.. I told her that she should tell her mum, but she doesn't want to tell her..

you travelled to visit someone who is underage, planned for her to sleep over 4,5months into a LDR... let's not forget the issues you had from texting her while she was at school and all that drama where she said she "wanted space, forever" honestly, if i were her mom i wouldn't react well. I get why she won't tell her mom, or maybe she's doing it on purpose.

[whatruckus]

Okay, so let me get this straight. You're technically dating a 16 year old, because you said she's "nearly" 17. You're mad because you paid money to visit her, before you even knew she could spend time with you. You're mad because her mom is "restricting" her or...just acting like a normal mom/parent, let's be real; meanwhile her mom has no idea about you. You're mad because she has a curfew...when most teenagers her age have a curfew.

You're basically just mad that you chose to date someone who's technically still a child, and not yet able to make her own decisions, as well as live on her own. And, someone who has a parent that cares enough to ask questions about where their child is, and who their child is staying with, as well as setting boundaries (with the curfew).

You're 20 years old. You can't figure this out yet?

You're right, it is her choice to tell her mom. So, you really can't be mad about anything because she's underage and still lives with her mom. Mom has all the power for a reason. If your SO is dependent on her mom/parents, there is nothing you can really do because everything is their decision. Their house, their rules. You can't do anything unless she comes clean with her mom, and her mom accepts you. There's no other type of advice we can give you in order to help your situation.

Trying to get a 16 year old to sleep over with you without her mom knowing, or her mom's real permission, is a terrible idea. You really should've thought this through some more.

I'm not really sorry that I'm being harsh either, because you have no right, or reason, to be mad at her mom.

And, also, judging from your past posts about her, she honestly doesn't seem mature enough to even be in a real relationship. She wanted to be "left alone forever" and then you guys have arguments about you not giving her the "freedom" she wants. And, to top it off, she left her boyfriend for you after only knowing you/talking to you for a month. Seems like she just wants to date an older guy for the thrill (lying to her mom/parents) and the bragging rights.

[differentcountries]

You took a chance. You are seeing her behind her mum's back. Her mum have plans for her and doesn't know about you visiting.

I am not going to judge you. I dated a 20 year old at 16. The difference was, I didn't live at home. I lived many miles away from my parents in a boarding school with a lot of freedom as well as responsablilities. I had my own money, made myself snacks in the evenings and washed my own clothes. Also, I was above the legal age to have sex. But even the school had hours where we had to be in for the night. We were not allowed to share rooms.

Her mum acts normal. If you are serious about her, convince her to tell her mum about you. Then go see her without sneaking about.

[Dwessie]

I wanna feel bad for you guys but visiting when people don't know about the LDR is probably the dumbest idea ever and IDK how you didn't see this coming.