I need some help or some sort of advice on what to do. :/

[he-mane]

Hi guys,

I posted a while ago, like 7th of December but then I closed it since, it makes no difference now.
What's happening to us right now. Is, she is asking for a space.
I don't know why, maybe I made her do it?
The constant checking up on her, telling her stuffs to do, including me to anything she does, letting me know what she's been up to.
I feel really bad, for my self as well. I feel sorry, really.
I don't want to lose her.

I just don't want us to broke up, and at that time. We really are having some issues, time issues. And now this?
We talked a lot, since that. We both wanted to fix it, we both know whats been happening. We both made mistakes.

But last night, we talked sincerely. We both agreed to take a break, not break up? I don't know whats the difference really?
But is it right to still get in touch with her? Or just give her the space she needs.

She said, she wanted to find herself, enjoy herself. And not when the time come, when she goes home. She doesn't love me anymore or I'm the last person she wanted to talk to.
That's why shes asking for space. Previously, I really don't understand why we can't just stay together and fix it while being together. Why a space then fix it.
I know, I'm being paranoid or what. I asked her a favor which, "don't cheat on me". She replied with, on our 2 years of being together. I did not ever do that nor came across my mind to do that.
I just really need space..

I really don't like the "waiting game" like on some other sites suggest. I know it will kill me, and what if she moved on, found someone else's.
I don't think, I can take that. But if that ever happen, I guess I have to accept it. That we are over. And as the saying goes. "If you love someone, set her/his free)
I love her, I love her so much. I just wanted us to be together again, the normal us.
The woman I fell in love with, and I the man she fell in love with..

I messed up.
I want my partner back..

[yuunai]

Well, all I can say is that give her the time and space she needs for now. Maybe she needs to sort things out in her head. I think the difference between taking a break and breaking up is when you are taking a break it's kind of a cliffhanger. You won't know what will happen but you are hoping for the best. I'd say don't worry too much about it (which is hard of course, you've been together for 2 years now <-- and because of that fact have some hope ) , you have been in a LDR for so long, why would she quit now? The effort you guys put into maintaining a healthy LDR is a lot, hopefully she won't "throw" it all away. Best of luck to you! In the meanwhile live your life, don't stress too much. Also I think contacting her while traking a break is kind of...I don't know. It can either be good or really bad so I'd think twice before doing it.

[Stanislava]

Taking a break

Hey its perfectly normal to check up on your partner and to want to be more included in their life.However if its too much it can be annoying.Anyhow , if she is asking for space just give it to her.Relationship breaks are a wonderful way to see if this relationship is worth it or not or if its even possible.It makes it or breaks it.If she comes back and tells you she missed you and couldnt stop thinking of you thats a great sign that she loves you , but if she seems more distant it means you guys should separate. I know this because i did it once with my boyfriend (just a 3 day break) when our relationship seemed to be falling apart and it made us stronger than ever afterwards.Yeah those 3 days were hell but it was all worth it I wish you all the best.

[Telephone]

Me and my SO had a break very early into our relationship - I guess we couldn't imagine being together with that distance between us - it lasted a week during which we didn't talk or text each other. It was a nightmare, but it made us realize we actually do care a lot about each other and we've been going strong ever since.

I'm sorry to hear you two are having some problems, but there's not much you can do now. My guess is, give her the space she needs, and perhaps trust her a bit more? Whereas I completely understand wanting to be a part of your SO's life, overwhelming the other person is not good - no matter whether it's an LDR or not. Plus, from your post it seems as if you're not trusting her completely - why would you ask for her not to cheat on you? Personally (personally, mind you) I'd feel somewhat offended; if I'm with someone for two years and need some space, it doesn't mean I'm going to jump into someone else's arms right off the bat. Finding yourself is very important for personal reasons and also for building relationships with others, too.

I wish you all the best.

[he-mane]

Hi guys, thanks for the replies.

So, I should just give her the space she needs for now? Man, that would kill the sh*t out of me. But I do love her, can't think of anyone else to be with, just her.

So I'll try to distant myself a bit more, so she can have space. If we both get in touch at some point, then I know that she's thinking about us, about me. I don't want to reach to the point that she doesn't think of us/me anymore.

I will update back on our status in a days, weeks or months? Who knows?

I will still reply to answer some question or thank some advice.

Thank you guys.
Me too, I wish & hope for the best in us.

[Chillosaurus]

Hi guys, thanks for the replies.

So, I should just give her the space she needs for now?

Yes, you should always give her the space, she needs.

Man, that would kill the sh*t out of me. [...]

Seize the opportunity and learn to be happy on your own.

[BaconGirl05]

Hey there, I'm sorry about your situation. It's a tough one to be in.

All I can really say is give her space. I know it can be very hard because the worst may come to mind.

A few years back, my SO and I broke up. We were in a bad place, always fighting, and he was close to finals at the time. He was very stressed out at our situation. So we broke up (there were other factors, but I'm not going to go into detail about that). He had a really good friend who really liked him at the time and he never had a real relationship before me. They started going on dates and seeing where they would go. I was an emotional wreck during this. I couldn't eat, and could hardly sleep. I loved him and didn't know what happened to make us break up. He asked for space, but I didn't really give him any. I was so worried about what would happen between him and this girl. I texted him constantly, and he would hardly text back. Anyway, they didn't last, they only lasted about 2 weeks and broke up. He said she was really controlling and he felt really guilty about breaking up with me. He made it clear that he missed our relationship and he knew his heart belonged to me. We ended getting back together a few months later and here we are now. We're stronger than ever. Why am I telling you all this? This whole situation taught me something. I needed to independent and not lean on him for every little thing. I realized how dependent on him I was because I couldn't go 3 hours without texting him! It was a huge life lesson for me. It showed me that I was depending on him too much for my happiness and when he was gone, I had nothing else that made me happy. I became more mature and found other things in my life to look forward to instead of being dependent on the relationship.

Even though it may be hard to keep your distance, take this time and find yourself. Find who you are outside of a relationship. Take it as an opportunity to become more independent. You have to respect her wishes and let her find herself as well. Try not to dwell on the situation, there's not much you can do. I know that's easier said than done though. Take it one day at a time and see where you go from there.

[he-mane]

Thanks for the replies guys.

I really appreciate it.

So, it's been a day now. It is really hard for me, and I mistakenly dialed her number. coz I was on fb but I pressed her name, but I did not made it ring, still it's been on missed call status. Anyway..

Allow me to re-introduce us, her as part of me.

We used to be high-school sweetheart, she is my first ever girlfriend and I am her first boyfriend. We lasted 2 years as well that time, but we broke up on our 3rd year of school. I am spending too much time on my friends and blowing our plans off more often, so that is my fault. After that, I had 2 girlfriends. 1 lasted for days, 1 lasted for 3 years. But that 3 year one, we been together for 9 months and we went overseas. So we're 2 years and 3 months on long-distance relationship. But after knowing quite some time, she's already been cheating on me for 6 months. So I know what to do at that point. I broke up with her.

Days passed, weeks. I unblocked all my ex's including my current one. After that moment, I checked her out. I was thinking, how is she after 4 years of being blank. Coz we did not communicated for the whole 4 years after our break up. After checking her out, I was like. Meh, she doesn't? Logging out, she added me as a friend. (Not making this up, but really) so I accepted it coz I was shocked.

I sent her a message right after that, but what would you expect? After 4 years right? Took hours to get a reply. But I did not waste any time. I apologized for what happened between us that time. And moments later, we are chatting like friends. Maybe it's the closure that's been missing thecwhole time. She even told me, she did not have any partner after me, maybe flings but not a relationship or thet taking her for granted.

From that point.

We started taking things, bit by bit. Until I told her, what if we go back together? Will it be the same as the last time? She replied with, No. Coz I know we're both matured now and can think more and decide accordingly. So I started courting her, even though it's just over chats, calls or skype. First time we Skyped, she was really happy. And I haven't seen those smile of hers ever. Even on her photos, even while back ago. I couldn't forget that moment, seeing her so happy. It lasted 6 months, the courtship. And she decided, Yes.

After that, life is good. even she still studies at that time, I gave her space, coz I know it won't be long. After the examinations, then she's free again. And there was this one time, she forgot our monthsary. but it's okay, coz she's studying for exams that week. She make it up to me after the exams.

Fast forward..

Just this November, we had so much changes. I think, it's me. That's afraid of changes, coz she no longer studies. She can go drinking with her workmates. Maybe it's really me who doesn't know her? There's a saying right?

"If you know me based on who I was a year ago, then you really don't know me. My growth game is strong. Allow me to reintroduce myself."

I think it's me that's holding her back, that why all of this is happening. I am afraid of the changes. But is it too late for me to change, too late for us to accept the changes and start over? maybe my mind just got filled with thoughts that, I was her world. But there's still many stuffs to do, which she is doing. On my end, she is my world. I'm happy just being with her, making all the time just to talk to her. It is my fault again this time, I drove her away from me. Sooner later, she's gonna drift away. I won't say, if only we could go back in time. Coz lots of us wanting diffrent things, but for me. Is to accept the changes. Things would be diffrent now, I guess.

I really miss her, only been a day. But each minutes, hours passing by. I feel one step closer to the end of our relationship. Maybe not? I do hope so.

Thanks for reading up to this point.
Well.. that's us rigth there. we overcome lots of challenges, hopefully this one as well.

I miss her..

I love her..

I will always love her..

[he-mane]

Hey guys,

So it's been 3 days now?

It's really getting hard, the feeling of getting ignored. Seen messages. and even if we do chat, I feel that the conversation she's giving me is just blank. No feelings.
What do I expect anyway?

On Monday 4th of Jan, we also talked. Until we fall asleep then I woke her up because she also have work. During that time, it feels good. She's different on chats and calls. On chats she have no emotion on conversation. On call, she does. A lot.
I said, I love her. She replied, I love you too but I'm tired. I need time and space to think through some things. but it's better than not hearing her say that.

Last night, Wednesday 6th of Jan. We talked again, a better one I guess? Almost the same one we used to have months ago. Her I love you's felt so good, I can really feel it. She's also saying I missed you, asking me to HUG her tightly. She even admitted that she missed my voice (as I missed her voice as well too). And we slept together while on call, then I woke her up again for her work.
Then in the next morning, on chats. Back to our usual one.


I really don't know whats going on her mind.. Women are too complicated, haha.
But i'll take those moments to be cherished. That Wednesday night was the best so far, hearing her say that. So genuinely.
Whenever I tried to tell her during our call, that does she want me to go and leave her alone? Her answer is, Yes. Feels like, she's treating it as cannot be fixed. But she says, she loves me. And I said, we can start over again.
Grow together, as individuals, make our relationship grow as well to balance with the changes.
I'm really confused and don't know what to do now.

I don't know where to position myself. Should I leave her alone or continue to fight for her. For our relationship, for our love?

[Ejoriah]

I think through all this you have to remember why she wanted a break in the first place. In your first post you mention that you were constantly checking up on her - and also that you were telling her what to do? It seems like your behavior may have been suffocating her, or even being borderline controlling, if she needs to be accountable to you for every single thing that she does. Yes, people change and people grow. You cannot expect to be your partner's whole world. That is unhealthy.

I don't typically condone breaks, but I think if they are to be successful you have to really look at what caused it, and see if that can be fixed. You are talking about distancing yourself and giving her space and how hurtful that is, but you are not really addressing what the underlying cause of the break is. If she does decide to get back with you and you start smothering her/wanting to be the only thing in her life again, it won't work.

[he-mane]

Hey guys.

So what happened to us right now..
We broke up. Like 3 weeks now, I have this feeling that she's trying to avoid having a conversation about me with the issue or she just doesn't want to care anymore.
We still talk though, Every night. But on chats, I usually don't rely too much. Coz I always get seen anyways.

As of this right now, we just finished talking for 3 hours? But..

I've heard the most thing that broke me..

She said, she doesn't want this anymore. I asked, was it "ME" that you don't want to be with anymore.
She replied with, No. I'm tired of this and that, not seeing you, not having to feel your presence. Coz I'm going to finally see her this coming December! Through the holidays and her Birthday as well.
She said, are you still going even though our break up is finalized? I said, yes. It's not us that I wanted to see, It is you..

She did not reply..


I'm really confused right now, but I guess. Having to hear that, I have to accept the fact that.. We are over.. For now?

[Honour]

I'm sorry to hear. I think visiting her would only torment you further. I think you should seriously think about/reconsider whether it's an emotional investment you're willing to make. In my honest opinion, whilst she may care for you, if she's unwilling to be in an LDR, there's not much you can do at the end of the day. You can't force her into it.

[he-mane]

Yea.. I guess so..

I really do love her.. But I am just a man, I'm getting tired as well. There's something at the back of my mind saying just accept it and let go, and there's other that says..
While she may not love you now, don't give up. Give her the time she needs and start over again. If she doesn't want to be with me anymore or find someone else along the way.
Then it's okay, at least I hoped and tried. Not gave up on us that easily..

[he-mane]

So an update..

Last night, we talked for a bit.
Actually she was hanging out with her friends, drinking. So I knew where to put myself in. After some time, she chatted me.
Called my name, but I was sleeping at the time.
I woke up few minutes later, I then asked.
She replied, what if I've fallen for someone else. Would you be happy about it or okay about it?
I said, I know it'll hurt me. But I guess, there's nothing more I can do to just be happy about it, be happy about you guys.
She then said, don't worry. I just asked.

Then after some time, she said. She's going home and if I can wait for her maybe we can talk for a bit.

So yea, talking.. I then asked through the call, why'd you asked me that? Is there someone else giving you attention or your having some feelings building up?
She said, not really. I then said, you can tell me the truth. I am still you're friend?
She then cried silently.. Saying, why are you always like that? meaning, why am I always this. Even at hard times or even when she's at her worst. I'm still there for her.
I then said, I love you. Even on your best or worst, I will always love you. She cried again.
But then I had to go to work, I told her.
She asked me, if I can sing her to sleep just like what I always do. And of course I did.

I don't really know whether to keep going or just give up.
But I love her. I know she's just going through some hard times..

[he-mane]

So I will close this thread now as there is another chapter that is happening to us right now.