Between My Dad and My Future

[WarwickGuy]

I have been thinking for a few months, since before my girlfriend returned home, about applying to study Mandarin and work (or just work) in Taiwan (where my SO lives) for the year following the end of my Masters' degree (September 2016). I have looked up information regarding studying, working, visas and even accommodation to see what I can do and that's all fine. I've talked to my girlfriend, a foreign friend she has living in Taiwan and my mum all about this; no problems.

The problem is my dad. He keeps talking to me about my future and saying how I need to apply for a PhD or a job for once I finish my Masters' degree. I have looked up both, but more for the year I want to spend in Taiwan. He does worry that I will throw everything away for my current relationship when (in his words) it could end next week. Part of the problem is when he met my mum he left Italy and came to the UK because of love, with no job lined up and his English was near non-existent at best (I do admire what he has achieved since).

He can be stubborn at times and I'm not sure how (and if) I can convince him that what I want to do is 'good for my future'. Any thoughts are appreciated.

[R&R]

You may not be able to convince him. As an adult, you can discuss this with him but the ultimate decision will come down to what you believe is the right direction for your life. Though parental approval is always nice to have, it’s not a requirement.

It sounds like you have already done a lot of research. You can lay it all out for him and show him that you have put a lot of thought and planning into this. You can also show him why it would be beneficial for you even if your relationship were to “end next week”. In the end, you can tell him you love him and you have been raised well by him and your mother. That he needs to trust how they have raised you and now allow you to fly on your own. This could end up being a huge success or a huge failure but you have to be allowed to start making these decisions and dealing with the end results of choices you make.

Good luck!

[whatruckus]

I agree with R&R. You can tell him of your plans and everything that you have researched, but it's really your decision. It's your life. Plus, who says that you have to start your PhD right away?

I will say this though, learning Chinese is hard. No matter the dialect. I can barely speak 3 dialects (Mandarin, Cantonese, and Toisanese), but I can understand a bit of all 3. Good thing is the writing is the same, unless you choose to learn only simplified or only traditional. With Mandarin, they tend to teach PinYin as well, which is the written pronunciations of the words. Really interesting.

*sigh* I do wish my parents taught me how to speak Chinese when I was little and that I started Chinese school when I was small, instead of when I was 12 and ended up hating it.

[WarwickGuy]

Thank you R&R. I am worried about him not approving, but I guess I have to be prepared for him not to approve and accept that. What you say sounds like a good plan and I think I'll try doing that. I think he feels I still have not grown up yet and I am not 'streetwise' (a favourite word of his) enough. I do hope that by presenting all I have planned he will feel more at ease, although I must admit him not approving will not stop me in the end.

I will say this though, learning Chinese is hard. No matter the dialect. I can barely speak 3 dialects (Mandarin, Cantonese, and Toisanese), but I can understand a bit of all 3. Good thing is the writing is the same, unless you choose to learn only simplified or only traditional. With Mandarin, they tend to teach PinYin as well, which is the written pronunciations of the words. Really interesting.

Thank you for the warning whatruckus I must admit I'm not good at languages, but I've managed to get my Italian up to a decent standard. I've been trying to learn some Mandarin for around 8 months and know a little grammar, some phrases and can write around 100 (traditional) characters. Also, you are right about the PhD

[whatruckus]

Thank you R&R. I am worried about him not approving, but I guess I have to be prepared for him not to approve and accept that. What you say sounds like a good plan and I think I'll try doing that. I think he feels I still have not grown up yet and I am not 'streetwise' (a favourite word of his) enough. I do hope that by presenting all I have planned he will feel more at ease, although I must admit him not approving will not stop me in the end.



Thank you for the warning whatruckus I must admit I'm not good at languages, but I've managed to get my Italian up to a decent standard. I've been trying to learn some Mandarin for around 8 months and know a little grammar, some phrases and can write around 100 (traditional) characters. Also, you are right about the PhD

You're welcome. Also, how does he intend on you becoming "streetwise" when he disapproves of you going out into the world on your own? O.o The only way you'll learn is if you try it yourself, if you fail...you fail. It's not the end of the world, and again...that's how you learn. Trial and error.

[WarwickGuy]

That's true, maybe through magic? :P I guess my three years at university, along with studying abroad in Venice don't count to him. Yeah, I'll try and include that as part of my convincing; slowly building up my 'presentation' haha.