Trying to figure it out

[oinkpig329]

Hey all.
I'm struggling and confused right now. I've been with my so for 1.5 years. I'm thinking of closing the distance and moving when I graduate from grad school in the spring.

I've been trying to figure out if he is the man for me. I go between stages of a split let loving him and being all in to having doubts and being unsure if he's the one. I think it's because I have a committment problem or simple need more time to be ready for marriage, but I also fear that it shouldn't be that confusing to figure out and I should just know amd that's it. He's absolutely a wonderful guy I just don't know what to do and if I'm over thinking. Please no sarcastic or unkind comments. Thanks for any advice or comments.

[TheSteelAngel]

Hmm the best advice I could give to you is to just give it some more thought. Just because you move in together doesn't mean you have to get married. If you guys do end up moving in together just go with the flow and see how things are doing. If anything you should become more focused on your independence once you're there. You say you're graduating in the spring, do you have a job lined up for you for instance?

You guys should also focus on developing yourselves as a couple. Spend as much time with him as you can. Once you do your answer will be clear to you. Good luck to you

[Maddypower]

Do you have to move in with him? You could move to the same city, but getting your own place. That way you would certainly feel less pressure, and you would have your own space if, let's say, one day you don't feel like seeing him.

[TaraMarie]

IMO, if you aren't sure if he's the man for you, then he isn't. ��

[differentcountries]

Does this have something to do with him being in the military?

[oinkpig329]

Thanks for responding guys. We do not want to live together before marriage, so I would get a job and apartment of my own in order to move. I don't think my anxieties have to do with him being in the military. I have found information about relationship anxiety that appears to fit this situation. I sometimes struggle with anxiety, and my thoughts are that this anxiety becomes present in our relationship in the face of change and transition. I am calm and happy in the relationship, and am excited about the possibility of moving until I start taking steps and my anxiety gets in the way. This anxiety has been present before in our relationship, when I visited for two months over the summer, but it calmed once I got here and we had a great summer. I have a fear of getting married and making a mistake, so I over-analyze everything that's different between us or ways in which he is absolutely "perfect". As long as I'm in my right mind, things are wonderful. I think the solution is I need to keep working on finding a job, go ahead with the move, and evaluate the relationship once my anxieties have calmed down. Thanks guys!

[Kapwned]

Statistically our odds are against us so naturally everyone would fear and question closing the distance with a significant other only to end up having to pack up and leave again because you broke up. It may be about changing up how you approach your thinking process. Focus on how you can make a life together work in the near future. If you can make that work, then after awhile if you can see things smoothly transitioning into the future together, then maybe it'll feel more natural. One major key to a successful and fulfilling relationship is being able to progress and grow individually together.