Help me understand

[Maddypower]

X and I started dating when I was 18 and he was 22 (6 years ago). We are from the same small town (in Europe)and we have the same group of friends. We broke up 2 and 1/2 years later because he went to China for an exchange program, and I was still a sophomore and things went rough. Things have been on and off since then, I have lived abroad a lot myself, then he found a job in the US and in the meantime I graduated law school. Every Christmas, we bump into each other, we find out we still like each other a lot, everything is great for those 2 weeks, then he leaves, I leave and it's over 'til next year. I have dated other people, and I am sure he has too, but he is still a pretty strong presence in my life (and heart) and really makes anybody else incomparable. And he tells me the same things about himself.

I would like you read your thoughts on this. I am so sick of dragging this thing out. He seems resolute not to try again long distance because he says "he doesn't know, maybe it's just the thought of what we were" and that we already tried LDR and it did not work. On the other hand, I believe we are different now. We both work and are older. I have a contract 'til August, but after that I could think about moving there and give it a shot. If I bring out the subject he panicks.

I don't understand why this keeps happening every year, in spite of the fact we've changed so much. What do you think? I need an external opinion on this. I have been stuck for so long it's ridiculous.

Thank you so much guys!

[differentcountries]

It seems like he likes to reheat your relationship every Christmas. You put more of yourself into it, to the point that you think of him despite dating others. Even if you are not really together, you talk about closing the distance to be with him - of course that makes him panic. If you really think you would want to live where he currently lives, and could find a job there regardless of your relationship status, you could do that and then offer to date him, but you should not do it just because you want to date him. Moving to a different country for love is difficult enough when you are actually dating, and now it seems like too much of a risk and that he will not share that risk with you.

[Elizabeth123]

Welcome to LFAD
Let me ask a question: If he was your boyfriend would you accept how you are being treated?
It sounds more like revisiting the past and lack of honest communication between the both of you. Listen honestly to him ....if he won't commit to your relationship then move on.

[Loveyoumore]

Seems like a game to me. He wants you and all your emotions for 2 weeks out of the year, then you get your heart all involved and try to get closer, he freezes and pulls away from you.
I think y'all should have a heart to heart & see where you BOTH want this to go moving forward.