Feeling like you aren't enough.

[PotatoCat]

I'm 17, my S.O is 21.

This is the first relationship I have ever been in, ever. This includes non-ldr, too.

He has been in 3 or 4, and has done things with them, if you know what I mean.

Meanwhile, I have not. With anyone. We haven't seen each other in person yet, and I feel insecure. I feel bad that I can't provide him what he's had in other relationships, like holding hands or kisses. I feel that in comparison to his other relationships and girlfriends, I'm just lacking.

Does anyone else every get this feeling?

Is there anyway to stop it?

[Loveyoumore]

My advice is you can't compare yourself to his past relationship. Do whatever you are comfortable doing physically. If he cares for you he will understand and respect your choices.

[KansasPrincess]

I agree with Loveyoumore. Do whatever you are comfortable with, if he cares for you, he will be completly fine with it. Sometimes it helps to talk about those things (sometimes in a letter or Email, then you can write it, just the way you want it to sound like and he can't interrupt you and your thought process). I know it is hard to talk about things like this especially at the beginning of the relationship, but it is important. You have to be comfortable and if he knows that you "are new to everything" it might rise his understanding and his respect.

[differentcountries]

It is not strange that you have not been in a relationship. I did not have any romantic relationship until I was 19-20 years old. With SO, he had sort of dated someone but they were not serious and I did not feel like he had much of relationship experience when we started dating - he was 26 at the time. So don't you worry. Everything will come in time; relationship experience, sexual experience and everything else you might want. Perhaps you can start to plan how you can meet, and take things from there. You are good enough, you don't lack anything.

[kittyxuchiha11]

As the others have said, you really shouldn't compare yourself to anyone your SO has been with before or worry about the fact you're not as experienced as him. Of course you can't give him what others have given him because you guys have a different kind of relationship. If he'd been long distance with his other girlfriends would you feel as insecure knowing that they were also separated by distance and couldn't be close all the time? You guys will move at your own pace and he obviously knows that because really if he wanted a girlfriend he wanted to be close to all the time he wouldn't even attempt long distance. You're more than enough for him because if you weren't he wouldn't choose to be with you. So try not over think and worry about things you have no control over

[Honour]

I was 16 before I had any form of relationship, and I was utterly terrified! It's normal to feel like you do. It's a part of growing up, really. Just be yourself and act natural. Do the things you enjoy doing and share them with him, try things out with him, and keep in mind just because some people decide to do things early on, doesn't mean you have to as well.

[honeybunny]

I'm 28 and I've never done anything with a guy. I had an online relationship that fizzled out before we met, but this one is different. He says he doesn't mind my lack of experience. Don't feel like you are inadequate, he's with you, it means something.

[Unicorn26]

I know it's not quite the same but before I went to see SO last year it had been YEARS since I last had any kind of sexual contact. I had also had two children and didn't know how I would "feel" down there to someone new. I had also had a hysterectomy and I was absolutely terrified the first time we got down to it but guess what? So was he!!

I had been with the same person for 20 years so to suddenly start again with someone new was really scary. It doesn't matter how old you are or how experienced you are, sex for the first time with someone you really care about is nerve wracking. Take your time, don't do anything you're not comfortable with and relax. He is probably nervous too.

The first time will probably be not great, but once you're relaxed with each other it will be fine. Don't worry.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

I always said that I wanted to wait until marriage until I had sex. I did a lot of kissing, but that's it! When I was with my ex, we both were inexperienced and so it didn't matter to him that I didn't want to do anything. When we broke up and I started dating my SO, I was so worried that he would get bored with me because he had been with others before me. He says that he loved me more because I stuck to those morals and I didn't do anything to impress him. I didn't want to have sex, and I believe that I fell in love with him partly because he ALWAYS respected my wishes. Hell, after I told him that he wouldn't even touch me unless I placed his hands there. I felt loved and respected and I absolutely adored him for it. If he said that he didn't want to be with me if we didn't have sex, I would have dumped his ass so fast. Likewise, if he ever compared me to another girl, I would be done. We did end up having sex after I did some soul searching and decided that it was right for me (and us as a couple). I was worried that I wouldn't be good and said that he was experienced blah blah blah. He told me that it's his first time too because it's his first time with me and that he was just as nervous as I was.

Whatever your reasons are for not doing anything or doing something, please please PLEASE make sure it's right for YOU and not that you feel pressured to do something because your boyfriend is older and experienced. I promise, if he really likes you for you, he won't give a rats ass that you don't want to have sex or that you aren't experienced. Also, please abide by the age restrictions within your area of the country. Nothing says romance more than your SO going to jail for having sex with you.