To visit or not to visit

[4lom]

Hey Guys,

My S.O and I have both visited each other once with her coming over in Sept 2015 and me in November 2015. (We're separated by an 7 hour direct flight)

We originally planned on me going over in Feb 2016. However, she told me that she'll be busy during then and would not want me to come.

3 days ago, I asked her if I could go over in Feb 2016 again as I have a holiday during then and she agreed! I was so happy and got busy planning all the flight details and mini stuff like that.

Today, I was just talking to her over the phone when she dropped the bomb shell on me and told me that she didn't want me to come.

She told me that she finds it expensive for us to show me around (as we usually go to theme parks and visit many places, but I told her that it's fine we won't do that) and also she said that she wants some time for herself. I got really devastated as it took me alot of effort to get time off work and to shift my schedules here and there.

I was thinking if i should still visit her and give her a surprise visit, this is despite her telling me not to come. I think that the reason she doesn't want me over is because she's afraid that I would be bored with nothing to do or that she wouldn't have the money for both of us to go sight seeing around because the last time I was there, we did spend quite abit of cash.

Note: Japanese culture is highly ambiguous and she didn't really gives me a direct reason behind not wanting me to come. It's hard extracting information directly from them and I gave up begging her to tell me the reason behind her not wanting me to come.

Appreciate any advice from you guys!

[R&R]

If you already have the time scheduled off, go do something that you want to do. Tell her that if she doesn't want you to visit, that since you have the time already scheduled off that you are going to instead take an individual trip to ___________. Remember that you are an individual as well as a couple and if she doesn't want you to visit, then you can most certainly do something else.

Maybe it will help her to open up to you as to why.

[Dwessie]

Do what R&R said, visiting'll just piss her off probably

[Riyko]

If she doesn't want you to visit then be respectful and don't visit her. A lot of times Japanese people don't want to hurt your feelings so they'll let you down very nicely if they don't want something so I think by her saying it's too expensive and she wants time to her self that was respectful enough to say I don't want you to visit again in February. To her it could be too many visits in a short amount of time that it's worn her out and she wants to rest and relax.

[differentcountries]

Don't "surprise" people who told you not to come. That will turn out bad. Whatever reason she has, and it is probably more than she is telling you, it is real to her.

If you have already bought a ticket, see if it is possible to rebook it to someplace else. Visit friends or family or do something fun for yourself.