In need of advice please!

[Coles93]

My partner and I are a very touchy loving couple in the way we show affection, when he was still living in Scotland he did text loads of romantic things etc,
Since moving to Russia he's not been as romantic and I feel alittle lost with my emotions,

We have spoken about it and the romantic texts etc does upset him and makes him miss me more than normal, I understand that and I don't want to force him to do anything that hurts him but should I go without to help him? Or should I seek a comprise? I know he still loves me and never doubt it, I just miss hearing it often

[Honour]

You shouldn't go without, because then you'll start to feel resentful and unhappy. Sounds like a case of he's disillusioned by the distance and is missing you more than ...he knows how to handle? I'm not sure. You have your answer already,try and work on a compromise and try and meet in a middle ground that he and you can agree on.

[differentcountries]

I imagine that him moving to Russia means he moved to a place where he doesn't know the language and culture very well. That can be challenging in itself. In addition, he has to learn how to be in an international LDR with you.

Perhaps it would help him if he shared some more about how his life is, and you could take an interest in that? For sure, he needs to be romantic over the distance but it might take some getting used to. If he can feel like you are THERE with him, the romance might sit easier with him. If possible, perhaps plan a visit.

[oinkpig329]

How long has he been in Russia?

My experience is that sometimes in a LDR is that people are at different places at different times, and sometimes they need to give more to where they are than they can to you at that point in time. For example, my SO is in the military and he takes their slogan of "service before self" seriously. This means that he doesn't hold back when it comes to his job, which is very demanding of him. He has gotten to the point where he is burnt out, not really himself very often, and he is putting his energy into surviving and taking care of himself, which doesn't leave a ton of energy for me or our relationship. This is quite difficult for me, and it's taken me some time to really understand where he's at and that it's not a reflection of how he feels about our relationship, but rather it's that he is doing the best that he can under the circumstances. I am lucky that I get to visit him once a month, and when we're together there are no problems with that (I receive love through touch). I hit a point where I had to decide if I could live with this situation and the sacrifice the military lifestyle requires of me. Once I came to terms with that, I found a lot more peace in our relationship. I feel like I have the opportunity to love him through his difficult time, and accept what he has to give as his best.

Now, I know that this isn't 100% your situation, but I imagine that since he has moved he is likely very overwhelmed. He is in an entirely new culture, with new people, places, languages, expectations, etc. He is probably putting all of his energy into getting accustomed to being there. Culture-shock and a move can be very emotionally draining, so to add a LDR to that would make it even more difficult. He is coping with the distance and changes right now, and this is your opportunity to love him through his difficult time and accept that he's doing the best that he can. Someday you may have struggles where you don't have as much love to give, and he can be there for you with the extra love.

If you can find a compromise in this right now, that would also be great. It sounds like your love language is words of affirmation. Perhaps he could write you a letter that you can keep and re-look at without requiring too much of him right now. Take time to do what you need to to be at a healthy emotional place. It sounds like a lot of your relationship is in a place of change and transition due to his move, but know that this doesn't mean it will be like this forever. This is just a season, and a different one will come with time.

This is all just my opinion based on my experiences. Feel free to disagree or let me know if you have any questions!

Best of luck to you both!

[Coles93]

How long has he been in Russia?

My experience is that sometimes in a LDR is that people are at different places at different times, and sometimes they need to give more to where they are than they can to you at that point in time. For example, my SO is in the military and he takes their slogan of "service before self" seriously. This means that he doesn't hold back when it comes to his job, which is very demanding of him. He has gotten to the point where he is burnt out, not really himself very often, and he is putting his energy into surviving and taking care of himself, which doesn't leave a ton of energy for me or our relationship. This is quite difficult for me, and it's taken me some time to really understand where he's at and that it's not a reflection of how he feels about our relationship, but rather it's that he is doing the best that he can under the circumstances. I am lucky that I get to visit him once a month, and when we're together there are no problems with that (I receive love through touch). I hit a point where I had to decide if I could live with this situation and the sacrifice the military lifestyle requires of me. Once I came to terms with that, I found a lot more peace in our relationship. I feel like I have the opportunity to love him through his difficult time, and accept what he has to give as his best.

Now, I know that this isn't 100% your situation, but I imagine that since he has moved he is likely very overwhelmed. He is in an entirely new culture, with new people, places, languages, expectations, etc. He is probably putting all of his energy into getting accustomed to being there. Culture-shock and a move can be very emotionally draining, so to add a LDR to that would make it even more difficult. He is coping with the distance and changes right now, and this is your opportunity to love him through his difficult time and accept that he's doing the best that he can. Someday you may have struggles where you don't have as much love to give, and he can be there for you with the extra love.

If you can find a compromise in this right now, that would also be great. It sounds like your love language is words of affirmation. Perhaps he could write you a letter that you can keep and re-look at without requiring too much of him right now. Take time to do what you need to to be at a healthy emotional place. It sounds like a lot of your relationship is in a place of change and transition due to his move, but know that this doesn't mean it will be like this forever. This is just a season, and a different one will come with time.

This is all just my opinion based on my experiences. Feel free to disagree or let me know if you have any questions!

Best of luck to you both!

He was there for 3 months before a 2 week break back home, he's now back over for at least 6 months before another break or visit.
I work normal office hours but he's a football coach so out and about at different times, I never feel unhappy or mad, like we spoke about it and he said he just couldn't say certain things while apart because it hurts him being apart, I know deep down he still loves me but I think I'm just finding it difficult dealing with 2 weeks of full on contact to nothing,
I really get what your saying about only being able to give so much at certain times, that's kind of put my mind at ease knowing Its not just us and that's what may be happening! I do get 'i love you' at the end of all the phone calls and things, I just don't want to push him and make this so much harder when he's so alone,

Thanks everyone! Your help has been brilliant,
Good luck to you all 😘

[MissingMyDutchLove]

How long has he been in Russia?

My experience is that sometimes in a LDR is that people are at different places at different times, and sometimes they need to give more to where they are than they can to you at that point in time. For example, my SO is in the military and he takes their slogan of "service before self" seriously. This means that he doesn't hold back when it comes to his job, which is very demanding of him. He has gotten to the point where he is burnt out, not really himself very often, and he is putting his energy into surviving and taking care of himself, which doesn't leave a ton of energy for me or our relationship. This is quite difficult for me, and it's taken me some time to really understand where he's at and that it's not a reflection of how he feels about our relationship, but rather it's that he is doing the best that he can under the circumstances. I am lucky that I get to visit him once a month, and when we're together there are no problems with that (I receive love through touch). I hit a point where I had to decide if I could live with this situation and the sacrifice the military lifestyle requires of me. Once I came to terms with that, I found a lot more peace in our relationship. I feel like I have the opportunity to love him through his difficult time, and accept what he has to give as his best.

Now, I know that this isn't 100% your situation, but I imagine that since he has moved he is likely very overwhelmed. He is in an entirely new culture, with new people, places, languages, expectations, etc. He is probably putting all of his energy into getting accustomed to being there. Culture-shock and a move can be very emotionally draining, so to add a LDR to that would make it even more difficult. He is coping with the distance and changes right now, and this is your opportunity to love him through his difficult time and accept that he's doing the best that he can. Someday you may have struggles where you don't have as much love to give, and he can be there for you with the extra love.

If you can find a compromise in this right now, that would also be great. It sounds like your love language is words of affirmation. Perhaps he could write you a letter that you can keep and re-look at without requiring too much of him right now. Take time to do what you need to to be at a healthy emotional place. It sounds like a lot of your relationship is in a place of change and transition due to his move, but know that this doesn't mean it will be like this forever. This is just a season, and a different one will come with time.

This is all just my opinion based on my experiences. Feel free to disagree or let me know if you have any questions!

Best of luck to you both!

YUP!! This ^^. Especially since you two have just had a visit, it can be extremely challenging to get back into the swing of LD. By a few months in, you two will be used to it again and a little numb to the whole thing and you will need those lovey texts and dates in order to feel connected again. Since he is in another country, he probably will have a harder time adjusting to LD again since since he doesn't have that support system of people in his own country. Cut him a break for another week or so and then start pushing the lovey things gently and slowly.