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**Loveyoumore** · January 19, 2016, 12:59 AM

Dont give up on your relationship. Fight for your relationship.

**Styles Jhonson** · January 19, 2016, 01:05 AM

I'm trying thanks

**R&R** · January 19, 2016, 08:17 AM

Originally posted by Styles Jhonson View Post

So I've dated this girl for a year and six months now and she was really into me and everything and we would get along really well and we didn't have any problems with each other and for the most part we were like the perfect couple. She would always say the sweetest things like telling me I was cute and I was amazing and perfect. As our relationship progressed we ended up facing a lot of different situations that kept us from spending time together and so it was getting harder to stay in contact. At one point I felt like giving up bc I thought our relationship wasn't going to work out but eventually things would get resolved. It started to become annoying when we would talk less and less and I ended up feeling lonely and depressed and even more annoying when she would leave without replying. Through the months I did become super attached to her and I started to feel like I couldn't live without her which brought on pain and anxiety. To this day we're still having difficulties in our relationship and just recently we haven't been able to talk at all due to her family fighting so much and her dad has a problem with us dating. I'm really worried I won't be able to continue dating her bc we only seem to be having too many problems but I love her too much to let her go and I just really want to work through this. Any advice?

The advice I would give you is that you need to do some work on yourself. A person needs to be happy and fulfilled in their own individual life first. Only then can you be in a healthy relationship. Your SO and your relationship should enhance your already complete life. You are 18 and this is a good lesson to learn early on. Having a partner who is needy and appears to not be able to function without you may seem romantic at first but then it becomes draining and the SO can become very resentful.

All relationships have one of two results - you stay together or you break up. It's rare at your age (though it does happen) for a relationship to continue on to adulthood. Yes, you put your best effort in. You also learn when enough can be enough. You learn and you grow from the experiences. If the relationship continues and thrives, then you keep going. If it doesn't work out, you take the lessons from it and move forward.

**LivingInWonderland** · January 19, 2016, 10:55 AM

I tend to see this a lot on this forum, so I am just going to say this in response to the comments that always seems to follow a teens post. Age does not define a relationship. Don't look at a persons age and tell them their relationship may not even work because of it. My parents have been together since they were younger than I am right now. They are now 25 years into their relationship. Same with my aunt and uncle, and many other people I know. I know the stereotype is that young individuals can't maintain a healthy and happy relationship. Yes, sometimes that may be true. But it's not just young relationships that go through this. I know many adults who struggle more with their relationships than most teenagers do.

I am only saying this because I have noticed that most times when a young teen comes to this forum looking for help, they are told that they are young and the relationship may not work out anyways.

Going into a young relationship with that mindset, is just setting yourself up for failure. Not all teen relationships are doomed for failure. Age is not what makes a relationship. A relationship either works, or it doesn't. No matter your age! So let's not go around paying so much attention to the age of the thread starters.

My advice to the thread starter is this: Communicate. You both need to decide together if your relationship is something that you are both willing to keep fighting for. It has to be a team effort if you want to sustain it. Life gets hectic. Believe me, I know. But you should still try to make some time for each other. Schedule skype chats. Set aside an hour or so per day for IMing. And when you can't talk, keep yourself busy! Don't let the silence bring you down. Just find things that you enjoy to help pass the time, and look forward to the next chat. I agree with R&R when she said that it is draining for your SO when you become so dependent on them for your happiness. So find things aside from your SO that bring you happiness, so that you aren't so down when you can't talk to her.

You are both going to have to sit down and talk about how you are going to make things work, and if you both even want to. Only the two of you can decide if this is something you want to keep doing. LDR's aren't easy. They take a lot of work and communication.

**Honour** · January 19, 2016, 11:30 AM

Already posted my response on your original post under teens; I think it was a better idea to post it here, not as many people look at the sub-forum sections.

**80anthea** · January 19, 2016, 02:33 PM

Originally posted by R&R View Post

A person needs to be happy and fulfilled in their own individual life first. Only then can you be in a healthy relationship. Your SO and your relationship should enhance your already complete life.

This is excellent advice for all ages.

**Styles Jhonson** · January 19, 2016, 10:43 PM

Thanks to everyone who replyed to this and we are slowly working things out on her end

**lucybelle** · January 20, 2016, 05:38 PM

Originally posted by LivingInWonderland View Post

I tend to see this a lot on this forum, so I am just going to say this in response to the comments that always seems to follow a teens post. Age does not define a relationship. Don't look at a persons age and tell them their relationship may not even work because of it. My parents have been together since they were younger than I am right now. They are now 25 years into their relationship. Same with my aunt and uncle, and many other people I know. I know the stereotype is that young individuals can't maintain a healthy and happy relationship. Yes, sometimes that may be true. But it's not just young relationships that go through this. I know many adults who struggle more with their relationships than most teenagers do.

I love being lectured by a 17 year old! Omg! You're so wordly!

**LivingInWonderland** · January 21, 2016, 06:47 AM

Originally posted by lucybelle View Post

I love being lectured by a 17 year old! Omg! You're so wordly!

Thanks?

**R&R** · January 21, 2016, 09:47 AM

Originally posted by LivingInWonderland View Post

Thanks?

I would definitely go with that was sarcasm.

Like it or not, statistically it's rare for relationships that start off in the teen years to last. It's not like when our grandparents or even parents were teenagers. The world has changed a lot. The internet, people going to colleges far away, etc have opened up a whole new world. I make sure to always say in my posts that is can happen - my brother and sister-in-law started dating in high school and have been together over 30 years. Ask the kids from my daughters high school class of over 400, of her friends only one couple is still together and they are going to the same college. I won't sugar coat when I'm talking to teens. I've been a teen, I have double the experience of a teenager and I have teen (ok, 19 and 21 now) daughters.

Though I do see some teen relationships on here that have quite a bit of maturity, I do get concerned when the talk has a lot of "this person is my whole life", "I can't live without them", "All I do is cry", "I can't concentrate on school anymore or go out with friends because I am so miserable". I want to take each of those kids, put their face in my hands, look them deep in the eyes and tell them how valuable they are as a person, how much they deserve a wonderful life on their own first, how not to let their SO or relationship define them because they should be defining themselves, how at any age they need to be content in themselves so that their relationships don't take over their lives. These are lessons to learn early and take with you through life.

I hate to see teenagers who are so distressed, stressed out or are agonizing over a relationship. Teen years are there to help you learn who you are, what you want in life and the direction you want to go. A relationship can be part of that growing process. Disappointments are part of that growing process as well as successes. This is when you start to learn how to handle both things in life.

I hope all of what I said can help the OP too.

**Mattoykry** · January 21, 2016, 01:53 PM

I had the same problem at begin. I was so into her that I forgot of myself. I didn't take care of myself, no more gym, no fun. Nothing. This made us even to get worst because since I put her as the only thing I expected her to do the same while she has a normal life (friends etc). So I had first to find myself and get my normal life back and when I had both things everything went perfect.

**kittyxuchiha11** · January 21, 2016, 07:16 PM

You know, I didn't really think about it this way before but I think that's why this relationship feels so very different compared to my last one. my last ldr i was completely set on she was the only thing that mattered and i would put aside everything to make her happy even sacrificing my mental and physical health. but with this relationship I've learned and we spend a lot of time apart and i really do spend a lot of time on self care and making sure i'm happy rather than making sure my partner is deliriously happy all the time. I thought maybe i didn't feel so completely and utterly in love with her to the extent i was with my ex because i'm older now and the novelty has worn off, but really i think i feel just sort of calm and happy around her because i'm not completely obsessed with her. No one should ever complete you and it took me a long time to realise that i myself am enough and I don't need someone else to make me whole or complete. I'm not sure if this is growing up or just a change in my life but I like it, it feels nice to be able to say that I want her in my life and I would be miserable without her, but i would live and eventually be okay without her because I am my own person and i can make my own happiness, i shouldn't have to reply on anyone to make me feel like i can continue living.

**Styles Jhonson** · January 21, 2016, 07:26 PM

Honestly at this point I'm just confused on what's going on but I appreciate the advice but I just can't be happy in general.

**oinkpig329** · January 23, 2016, 01:44 PM

Originally posted by Styles Jhonson View Post

Honestly at this point I'm just confused on what's going on but I appreciate the advice but I just can't be happy in general.

Honestly, it sounds like you would benefit from counseling. If you just can't be happy in general then you're likely depressed and this will impact your relationship too. I am about to graduate with my masters and have been doing counseling and it sounds like you feel very insecure about yourself, and you have some things that you could work on that would help you to feel better about your life and to help you have healthier relationships. This is certainly not an exception to the rule, there are many people out there like you and things can change for you. Keep working on yourself so you can be better in your relationship. You should be confident that you could life on your own without someone else, but simply you don't want to. There is a difference there that really changes things. I know counseling sounds intimidating, but I encourage you to at least give it a shot. It could really help your relationship, and what else do you have to lose?

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