Time to think? :(

[Mattoykry]

If someone doesn't know the story they can read it on my profile. Anyway two days ago my GF decided to close the story and she was decided. Yesterday she contacted me and we started to talk anyway she looked always sure of her choice, but then she told me if I would give her three days to think better and I said yes. When she was sleeping I wrote her a long message explaining all the reasons why we shouldn't break up and she was happy of the message, then I said: I won't contact you for these three days. Actually I can't think straight and I do feel really bad, she said that the main cause was that she wasn't sure of me that when I was going to move to her if we wouldn't like each other as via message or skype. I mean it's normal to think this but it's not a reason to break up. I ask to you guys, what can I do? Please I need help. I won't contact her anyway. Maybe just a snapchat before sleep. I'm so sad and I really can't live like that. Any suggestion?

[spanglishjoe]

So correct me if I’m wrong, but it sounds like at some point in your conversations, you told your SO that you’d move to Mexico. Now she worries that either you won’t, or if you do, that you might not have chemistry in person like you do online.

It’s perfectly fine to have those futuristic talks, I know I certainly did with my SO (and still do for some topics). However, you’re both jumping ahead of yourselves. You need to visit her in person or have her visit you in person (yes, I got engaged on my first visit, but we’ll have several visits before she moves to be with me). I think you’ll find out pretty quickly if you have chemistry. If it’s meant to be, she will be patient and so will you – until that beautiful day when you’re living together in the same country. I see people on here who have been in that situation and I’m really impressed.

I skimmed your earlier message and it looks like you’re both in college still. Maybe you could study abroad for a semester and test things out that way? I’m finishing grad school while working a fulltime job, and I won’t be bringing over my fiance until I finish my studies and have a financial safety net for the two of us to begin our time together. Waiting is no fun when you’re in love, but you both have to be able to stand on your own before you can stand together.

Good luck!

[Mattoykry]

Yes! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to move definitely at the first visit, just come to visit her and then a second time find school etc. I didn't mean to make the def. moving the first time. Would be crazy! I just want to know if it's good give her time and a bit of space. I have the impression that her doesn't feel the pain I do feel, I mean, why she wants space? It's painfull! if you love me you wouldn't want space for yourself, or am I wrong?

[R&R]

Yes! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to move definitely at the first visit, just come to visit her and then a second time find school etc. I didn't mean to make the def. moving the first time. Would be crazy! I just want to know if it's good give her time and a bit of space. I have the impression that her doesn't feel the pain I do feel, I mean, why she wants space? It's painfull! if you love me you wouldn't want space for yourself, or am I wrong?

Everyone needs space for themselves. I love my SO very much, but even when we close the distance, there will still be things I will want to do own my own. He can't be involved in every aspect of my life and I don't want to be involved in every part of his. We are individual people who have chosen to share our lives but that doesn't mean that we lose ourselves.

She wants some space for time to think. You need to give it to her. It appears she is worried that things won't be the same in person. Sometimes that does happen. It's happened to me before and we've seen other cases of it on here. However, you won't know until you get to meet. Maybe she needs to feel the pressure of a relationship taken off of her shoulders. Let her think things through. All you can do is give her the time she has asked for. If she's still not sure, the only way to show her would to be able to actually visit and see how it goes. She would have to agree to the visit.

[Mattoykry]

That's the struggle! Because I was ready to visit her in top 2 months! I mean, I put my exams in this month so I'll be free in the next months and come to her. I worked till the morning to raise money and save for the travel etc. I mean, I'm going to come in two months! No needs to be like that, just let's see and enjoy the moment.

[R&R]

If where she lives in Mexico is a place you want to visit anyway, then plan a vacation. You can let her know you'll be there but it's up to her if she chooses to see you. Be prepared to do things on your own and have a real vacation by yourself and enjoying yourself.

This way, you can enjoy yourself if she doesn't show and it would be a bonus if she does see you. This takes the pressure off of her that she must see you. Also, if she doesn't come visit while you are that close, it will tell you that there is no reason to continue with the relationship.

[Mattoykry]

We planned the vacation together. We alwasy said this. I will come to visit her and of course even the country, but do that together.

[spanglishjoe]

Thanks for filling in the gaps. I'm glad to hear your visit might be coming up, I'm sure it'll be everything you've been working hard to experience.

As far as space goes, if she needs a few days, I'd give it to her. Maybe send her a 'good morning. thinking of you. hope you have a wonderful day' type of text so she knows you're thinking about her, but leave it at that. She'll engage you in discussion again when she's ready. It doesn't sound to me like you've done anything wrong. Maybe she's stressed with class. It could be anything. And some days LDRs are hard. For me, I think my girl takes her "space" by going to bed early now and then. Your just have to roll with it, understand that there's a lot going on in your partner's life. End of the day, if she's in a relationship with you across thousands of miles, she loves you. Be thankful for that, and be there for her when she needs you. Strong on your own, stronger together, mentality.

[Mattoykry]

I totally am. I'm the strong one and I support her every days. My fear is that now she look so serious. She said to me I love you just one time. I mean, I'll give her the space but I'm just scared that at the end of these three days she will come and say: It's over, we're done. :\

[R&R]

And she might not. She might decide she wants to continue the relationship.

If she does say it's over, then you should respect the decision. It's hard when you aren't the one making the decision to end a relationship. I think many of us on the boards can say we've experienced that. It hurts but we move forward with our lives and you would too.

For now, wishing you the best of luck.

[Mattoykry]

Thank you R&R, I'm just over scared. She's everything to me. Thank you for the support. I'll keep you update.