Am I more in love?

[Amelia1]

Hello,

I'm pretty new to this but I've been having some doubts/ feelings recently about my long distance relationship and could do with some help. We are comming up to our 1 year anniversary although I've known him for 4 years now. When we met for me it was an instant connection and in my eyes there hasn't been anyone I've wanted to be with more. Recently I've found that I give a lot whether it's sending sweet cards or texts to random gifts ( I sent him a hot water bottle his house was so cold!) even when we are together I find myself offering to do things and find I rarely get much in return. Around Christmas we had a conversation where I said I wasn't happy in our relationship I felt he was a selfish lover and slightly neglected for the small things I do, it pushed him to try harder and for the Christmas break it was amazing but now we are back at uni and its fallen back into the same routine where he's busy or I have to ask several times for a letter - I don't know if that's just men in general but I feel I'm always making excuses for him and almost having to convince myself it's okay because I know we have this connection when we are together. I just feel I'm the one trying and he thinks it's okay to sit by and receive it all and not give a lot back.

I don't know whether to have the conversation I had a Christmas with him again but i dunno part of me feels if he really loved me he would be trying harder to do the small things.

Any help is greatly appreciated
Xx

[R&R]

Hello,

I'm pretty new to this but I've been having some doubts/ feelings recently about my long distance relationship and could do with some help. We are comming up to our 1 year anniversary although I've known him for 4 years now. When we met for me it was an instant connection and in my eyes there hasn't been anyone I've wanted to be with more. Recently I've found that I give a lot whether it's sending sweet cards or texts to random gifts ( I sent him a hot water bottle his house was so cold!) even when we are together I find myself offering to do things and find I rarely get much in return. Around Christmas we had a conversation where I said I wasn't happy in our relationship I felt he was a selfish lover and slightly neglected for the small things I do, it pushed him to try harder and for the Christmas break it was amazing but now we are back at uni and its fallen back into the same routine where he's busy or I have to ask several times for a letter - I don't know if that's just men in general but I feel I'm always making excuses for him and almost having to convince myself it's okay because I know we have this connection when we are together. I just feel I'm the one trying and he thinks it's okay to sit by and receive it all and not give a lot back.

I don't know whether to have the conversation I had a Christmas with him again but i dunno part of me feels if he really loved me he would be trying harder to do the small things.

Any help is greatly appreciated
Xx

You can't compare what you do for someone to what they do or don't do for you. Are you doing things for your SO because you want to or because you want your SO to reciprocate? If you are doing it just because you want to and because you love him, then don't be looking for something in return. Just because someone doesn't love you they way you want doesn't mean they aren't loving you the best way they know how.

My SO and I have been together over 2 years. I got my first letter from him last month. He shows me he loves my in other ways that are certainly not the same ways I show him. However, I know how he feels and appreciate what he does do for me.

You deserve to be happy. The question is, are you not happy because what you want isn't realistic or is what you want realistic and you aren't getting it. If it's the latter, you need to decide how important it is that he does these things for you. Is it a deal breaker if he doesn't? You shouldn't be miserable if he's not doing something and he shouldn't feel forced to do something that's not him just to make you happy. You got with him for who he is as a person and do you really want to change that? I think maybe you need to do some real self reflection and decide what you truly can and can't accept in a relationship. This may help you to make a decision.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

People have talked on here quite a bit about love languages. You show your love by the little things, but he doesn't. There isn't anything wrong with that, but you either need to express to him how important it is to you that he tries to express his love in ways that make sense to you, start to understand how he shows his love (is it verbally or through actions like making dinner or something else?), or you need to realize that his love language doesn't match with yours and that you will never feel loved in the relationship and move on. The choice is yours, but you do have options to make this work if you really want it.