I don't know what to do

[TheMushroomHime]

So I'm not exactly too sure where to go to for help, but I figured this might be the best place.

I've been in an LDR for a little over 3 years. In fact we just hit our 3rd anniversary. With every day that passes I feel more and more guilty that I feel like I need to get out of this relationship. When I first met him he was all I could ever ask for, but when we began dating, it wasn't too soon until he started to change.
It really became bad about a year ago. He would hardly talk to me, and when he did he only mumbled. In our skype calls I would hear him typing and giggling but when I spoke to him it was as if I had rudely interrupted something. If his friends were in the skype call he sounded so happy, and he would talk to me in such a different way than how he usually sounded. It was so strange that he could treat me like crap, be mean, be obnoxious, but when I maybe said a mean but harmless joke it's as if I just called his mother a fat cow.

I started ignoring him, and even insulting him when I really got mad just so I could feel like I was slightly in control. It actually made things better believe it or not.

Anyways, it's gotten to the point where I can't take this anymore. I need to get out of this relationship, and I WANT to break it off. I can't bring myself to do it though. I still love him so much. I can't help but think maybe he'll go back to being how he was 3 years ago. I REALLY want to be happy with him.


I don't know how to let go. I don't know how to go about telling him this. After I break things off, should I remove him from social platforms?
Or if there's still a chance, how do I bring us closer together? Should I even risk staying together?


This is a bit longer than I wanted it to be, so thanks to anyone who took the time to read. I appreciate any advice given. Thanks.

[Redheart14]

From what you've written here, I think you've made up your mind.

[differentcountries]

I know a lot of people try to take things in the situation, and I used to do it like that, too. Now I find that the only thing that really works long term, is to sit down and have a real discussion about what bothers me.

I don't insult any of my guys, ever. Even if both of them have done some crappy things. I have gotten pretty mad. But apart from some lines I have apologized for, I don't do crap. I don't take it and I don't do it. I can get pretty mad but I don't say mean things. That's not to say I say only kind things. I usually say; this you need to fix if we are to stay together in the future. I love you but I am responsable for my own sanity too. I really have to concentrate to do it like that but it is very effective. I am really wearing my heart at my sleeve, not protecting myself but not letting them decide anything either. I make up my mind, they simply have to fix it or I am out. This is when I am really worn over something. For more difficult problems, I make a timeline. Like, for this you have to change behaviour during the next two weeks, or two months. And I will say; I can help you, but only if you say you want to do it and you ask for my help.

[R&R]

So I'm not exactly too sure where to go to for help, but I figured this might be the best place.

I've been in an LDR for a little over 3 years. In fact we just hit our 3rd anniversary. With every day that passes I feel more and more guilty that I feel like I need to get out of this relationship. When I first met him he was all I could ever ask for, but when we began dating, it wasn't too soon until he started to change.
It really became bad about a year ago. He would hardly talk to me, and when he did he only mumbled. In our skype calls I would hear him typing and giggling but when I spoke to him it was as if I had rudely interrupted something. If his friends were in the skype call he sounded so happy, and he would talk to me in such a different way than how he usually sounded. It was so strange that he could treat me like crap, be mean, be obnoxious, but when I maybe said a mean but harmless joke it's as if I just called his mother a fat cow.

I started ignoring him, and even insulting him when I really got mad just so I could feel like I was slightly in control. It actually made things better believe it or not.

Anyways, it's gotten to the point where I can't take this anymore. I need to get out of this relationship, and I WANT to break it off. I can't bring myself to do it though. I still love him so much. I can't help but think maybe he'll go back to being how he was 3 years ago. I REALLY want to be happy with him.


I don't know how to let go. I don't know how to go about telling him this. After I break things off, should I remove him from social platforms?
Or if there's still a chance, how do I bring us closer together? Should I even risk staying together?


This is a bit longer than I wanted it to be, so thanks to anyone who took the time to read. I appreciate any advice given. Thanks.

It looks like you have made your decision and if he's been acting like he has, I think you have made the right one. Just because you love someone doesn't make them right for you. The first man I ever truly fell in love with (I was 29 before that happened) was the most toxic relationship of my life.

It really sounds like you are more in love with the past and that is making it hard to realistically look at the present and let go. Sometimes people change and it's not for the better. You can't force someone to be what you want or to go back to how they were. You can assess the present and decide if you are willing to make this your future.

[Elizabeth123]

Respect yourself and expect to be treated well. Yes, you deserve a loving relationship.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

I agree with the others as well. It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship anymore. You may still love him, but that doesn't mean that you don't deserve way more than he can give you. You deserve to be loved and respected and he isn't giving that to you.

I personally am a fan of completely cutting an ex out of your life for at least a short period of time. I think that it really helps both people cool off, start to move on, and think about what really went wrong. Then, after BOTH of you feel ready, you can meet to talk about your relationship, what happened, and where you are now. Ideally, you two will both be on the same page and either both want to give it another shot (with him realizing how immature he is and wanting to do better this time) or you both are happy with your decision, but that doesn't always happen.

As people grow and change, they can turn into different people. Your SO has turned into someone that you don't like very much. There is a chance that he could change back, but I personally wouldn't wait around for him to decide to start treating you right.

[TheSteelAngel]

It looks like you have made your decision and if he's been acting like he has, I think you have made the right one. Just because you love someone doesn't make them right for you. The first man I ever truly fell in love with (I was 29 before that happened) was the most toxic relationship of my life.

It really sounds like you are more in love with the past and that is making it hard to realistically look at the present and let go. Sometimes people change and it's not for the better. You can't force someone to be what you want or to go back to how they were. You can assess the present and decide if you are willing to make this your future.

This I totally agree with. I am in the same position actually. My ex SO was so perfect in the beginning and I couldn't have asked for anything more. But as time went on he started ignoring me and my feelings completely. I had to do what you were thinking of doing. I had to break it off. It really does seem like the most toxic relationships you have are when you feel just so in love with your partner for the first time. I still love the person my ex used to be too, but I realized he will never be that person again. Do yourself a favor and let him go. Please be kind to yourself

[whatruckus]

I think, like everyone else, you know what you need to do. You're just afraid to admit it. I mean honestly, maybe even breaking it off with him will make him realize what an ultra douche he's been. He may change, he may not. But, I wouldn't hold your breath that he does if you break up, and if you don't break up. You need to do what makes you happy, and from what you've written here...it doesn't look like he does that for you.

Unfortunately, I'm in the same boat as you. But, I'm also not holding my breath. If I start to see change in my SO, and a big change, then I'd evaluate if we should stay together...otherwise, I don't really have hope for us.

[Honour]

A clean break is what you need. If he's like this now, what would it be like CD? You already made your mind up, and there's no right or wrong way of letting it go. Just do it in your own time, at your own pace, and bit by bit you'll let go.

[TheMushroomHime]

Broke things off this morning. Thanks so much for everyone's responses, it gave me the confidence to finally end it.
I feel like I should be a bit more sad beings we were together for a pretty long while, but BOY am I relieved. I'm glad I finally woke up and got outta there.
Feeling sexy and free, I'm ready to see what life has to offer!

Thanks again guys!

[LittleMissNova]

Broke things off this morning. Thanks so much for everyone's responses, it gave me the confidence to finally end it.
I feel like I should be a bit more sad beings we were together for a pretty long while, but BOY am I relieved. I'm glad I finally woke up and got outta there.
Feeling sexy and free, I'm ready to see what life has to offer!

Thanks again guys!

Good job!!! You deserve it!

[Miasmata]

Good on you for making the right choices for yourself! That's how it's done, and you deserve it All the best to you in the future!