Is she too clingy?

[Styles Jhonson]

Okay I know that this is probably a normal thing in any relationship and there are a lot of us who are like this so maybe it's not too much of a problem. I'm dating a really wonderful girl and I love her she's everything to me but at times I think we spend too much time together and I can't really focus on anything else. We constantly chat with each other for almost an entire day and well into the night with only few breaks in between. She texts me saying she misses me if I don't text her first and that's usually if I'm in class and can't text her right away. She even gets worried or sad when I don't reply to her right away especially if she really wants to talk to me. I feel like she might be attached to me too much but I'm not really sure if it bc she feels lonely or the fact that I make her happy when I'm around but I know she has friends so she wouldn't have to be with me all the time. I don't want to be tied down to just her bc I've got other things like school and family and I don't always have time to talk to her. I am dedicated though to making sure I make her apart of my life but I just need some space. I'm not really sure if I should tell her I'm afraid she won't take it so well. If anybody could give me some advice that'd be awesome.

[MissButterfly]

There isn't a standard of how clingy a person can/cannot be in a relationship. It's different for everyone. However, from what you've described, you are bothered by it, so you need to discuss that issue with her. How long have you been in a relationship? I know that for mine, we were like that in the beginning, and it got less graudally. If you feel uncomfortable bringing it up (communication is key though, especially in LDRs! So you need to learn that) you could jus wait it out for a little bit if your relationship is still new. Otherwise, just tell her that you can't talk to her while you are at school, and sometimes you like to hang out with your friends. It's healthy to both have a life outside the relationship as well Good luck!

[4lom]

My girlfriend once asked for space as we were constantly talking on the phone every night (which is normal for me). Naturally, I felt devastated when she told me that, I put in a lot of effort just to be able to rush home to speak to her and couldn't really accept that. But slowly I begun to be more understanding and start to adapt to her life patterns and things like that.

You should feel happy that your SO is so nice and loving towards you. I guess one way you can gently tell her to be less clingy is to tell her that you're out with your mates or something and wouldn't be able to reply. This way, she wouldn't be staying up staring at her phone screen and wondering all about you. Just a little perspective from the other side

[differentcountries]

People are different in the ways they want contact. Also, it is easy to focus a lot on the relationship in the beginning and then things build up that you need to use energy for other things.

My suggestion would be to talk about the ways you communicate. Tell her that you really care about her, and that you also benifit a lot from alone time, or that you also have to take care of things where you are (I don't know about you, but I can't always answer a text/phone call when I work out, see the doctor, attend a movie - or am at work). Also talk to her about how her life is, what is she doing, does she have any nurturing activities that she does, friends, work/school and so on?

[R&R]

Okay I know that this is probably a normal thing in any relationship and there are a lot of us who are like this so maybe it's not too much of a problem. I'm dating a really wonderful girl and I love her she's everything to me but at times I think we spend too much time together and I can't really focus on anything else. We constantly chat with each other for almost an entire day and well into the night with only few breaks in between. She texts me saying she misses me if I don't text her first and that's usually if I'm in class and can't text her right away. She even gets worried or sad when I don't reply to her right away especially if she really wants to talk to me. I feel like she might be attached to me too much but I'm not really sure if it bc she feels lonely or the fact that I make her happy when I'm around but I know she has friends so she wouldn't have to be with me all the time. I don't want to be tied down to just her bc I've got other things like school and family and I don't always have time to talk to her. I am dedicated though to making sure I make her apart of my life but I just need some space. I'm not really sure if I should tell her I'm afraid she won't take it so well. If anybody could give me some advice that'd be awesome.

You have no idea how happy I was to see these sentences! That is the right approach to a relationship. You love your SO and spending time with them but you continue to have your own life with family and friends too. I see people my age who haven't figured that out yet and wonder why their relationships don't work.

I think how you explained it to us was perfect and you should say something. You need to explain to her that you appreciate that she loves you and thinks about you so much but that she can't be your sole focus. She needs to be out doing her own things too. I know you are afraid she won't take it well but honestly and communication are important and if this is really bothering you, then you need to be able to tell her how you feel.

[C.C.]

She might not be clingy. As much as I agree with R&R that your approach is the right and healthy one, I also think that it's hard at the beginning not to be really attached to someone.
Sometimes you may even know in your mind that you shouldn't spend so much time with someone but still have trouble putting it into action because it's so enjoyable.

Also, being on the other side of it in the beginning, something that helps me is knowing what my partner is doing. Like, if he tells me he's studying I am not gonna bother him, or at least expect anything from him, unless something important happens, or if he is spending some time with his family, playing a game, meeting with friends, etc. However, when I know he's free, we just spend the time together and it feels more natural this way. But I might get a bit worried if I don't have any clue about what he is or might be doing.

Also, I think you shouldn't really be afraid of talking about it, just make sure she understands how much you love her and the way you work.
As the most positive outcome, she may not even realise she's doing it too much and she might want to give you space herself.
You need to do it either way, though. Good luck :3

[whatruckus]

Coming from your SO's perspective, I think maybe you should just be honest with her and pretty much say what you said to us. I was pretty clingy, still can be sometimes . My SO told me that while he loves me and loves talking to me, he needed space because it was starting to feel like a chore to talk to me because I would get so upset when he wouldn't respond. At first, yeah, I was pissed and hurt. But, then I realized he was right. I was being pretty annoying. I even looked back at our conversations, and I thought to myself, "Damn. That's annoying and I'd be annoyed if someone did that to me constantly."

So, I stopped. Now, I don't really flinch when he doesn't respond to me for a day. Plus, he always tells me that I know his routine and I do. He's the type that needs to decompress after work because it's so stressful (he's a prison guard), so trying to have a conversation as soon as he gets home was too much.

In the beginning, yes, we both talked to each other all the time non stop. But, for him it started fading gradually. But for me, because I'm an insecure person, with low self-confidence, I felt like I needed to talk to him all the time. Still do sometimes, but now I try not to. I take a deep breath and think about whether I really need to text him or not. Most of the time I don't.

Maybe your SO should take up some new hobbies, or hang out with her friends more?

[BaconGirl05]

I had the same problem as your SO in the beginning of my relationship. We were talking everyday, hardly going out and doing anything. It seemed like our whole lives revolved around each other at the time. I would text him a lot if he didn't text back within the hour. Eventually, my SO told me that even though he loved talking to me everyday, he needed space. He said he didn't feel like he could go anywhere with his friends because I would be sad or upset about him going. Of course I was upset about him telling me this. I didn't really know what to do because I felt kind of bad. When we talked about it more, he said he didn't want me or my happiness to be dependent on him. In other words, if we were unable to talk, he wanted me to do my own thing and not sit around being sad and wait for him or constantly text him.

Thankfully, we're not like that now. I realized that we still have our own lives and it's good to go out and do something, instead of sitting at home chatting all the time. We each have work, school, and family. We're a lot more independent now and we're at the point where we each understand if the other can't call or text right away. It's all about balance. I'm glad you realize that you have other parts of your life as well.

The main thing is to be honest with her. Tell her how you feel and what you think should be changed. Yes, she may be upset, but that's normal. What can she do when you're doing your own thing? Can she explore hobbies or go out with friends? Open communication with things like this is so important. Remind her that you love her and you're not attacking her, you just want to do other things as well. Good luck

[kittyxuchiha11]

honestly the best thing you can do apart from tell her that you need a little bit of space is to try help her understand when you can talk and when you can't. for instance my SO knows that when i'm in college she can message me and if i dont reply she knows not to take it personally it's that i'm doing work, but sometimes i'll have some spare time in class and get to talk to her. We don't really have a set time to talk in the day because our time difference so we mostly just leave messages for each other and reply to them when we're online and sometimes we'll both actually catch each other online. I usually tell my SO if i'm going out or have friends coming over so yet again she knows that i won't be replying, you should always be open and honest with your SO about what you're up and to help them understand why you cant talk just now. but apart form that, i agree with what the others have said :3

[MissingMyDutchLove]

honestly the best thing you can do apart from tell her that you need a little bit of space is to try help her understand when you can talk and when you can't. for instance my SO knows that when i'm in college she can message me and if i dont reply she knows not to take it personally it's that i'm doing work, but sometimes i'll have some spare time in class and get to talk to her. We don't really have a set time to talk in the day because our time difference so we mostly just leave messages for each other and reply to them when we're online and sometimes we'll both actually catch each other online. I usually tell my SO if i'm going out or have friends coming over so yet again she knows that i won't be replying, you should always be open and honest with your SO about what you're up and to help them understand why you cant talk just now. but apart form that, i agree with what the others have said :3

Pretty much this! My SO and I are constantly talking all day, but it isn't unusual to go hours without a response as we're both busy! I'll send him a quick reply between classes and then sometimes I get responses right away, but most of the time I'll read them when I get home. Maybe you could try something on that order? Let her know that as much as you love texting with her, you need to focus on your schooling (or whatever it is) at certain times of the day and that other times you would love to respond to her when you have a moment. Also, it's really important that you two have your own lives whether LDR or CDR, so kudos to you on having an instinct that many people never learn! If you can help her learn how to do this, it would really benefit both of you in the long run!