I'm in desperate need of some help please!

[whatruckus]

While Chris does have some points, I'm going to agree with the others. He's still technically a kid. He hasn't experienced anything yet. Anna Nicole was already in her 30s and no doubt changed so much since she was 17. Alan Alda and his wife were both the same age so they grew and experienced life together.

The OP is 23. I'm not saying it can't work, but when I was 17, I didn't know a damn thing. I've change a lot since then and it's only been 10 years.

I've seen people who dated with an age gap and it didn't work out. I have friend who is my age and the guy she dated was in his 40s. I just spoke to her a couple months ago about him, and she told me they were really in love and he was the first guy she was actually steady with. Now, they're broken up. I definitely attribute it to the age gap because she liked to go out and party, and he was a businessman.

And, like R&R said...you're an older woman and I'm guessing this kid is basically still in high school. That definitely is a huge ego boost to him and his friends scoring an older chick. You're independent and more experienced than he is.

I think you guys should just keep talking and leave the relationship talk out of it for now until you can gauge his maturity level. If you're questioning him right now, then you already don't think he's mature enough to be in a relationship with you.

[whatruckus]

He said "I want us to be cute and loving to each other and reserving each other for one another so no one else will ever get to call me theirs other then you and no one will call you theirs except me."

I'm just going to let you know that while this might seem cute, it's really not. This is actually a controlling thing to say. My ex used to say things like this to me, I thought it was cute too and it made me feel special. Then I realized it wasn't real, and he only said that to make me keep holding on to him while he flirted with other girls all the time.

You could be holding out for him for forever if you really believe something like this. Don't hold out just for him because right now he makes you feel special, when you aren't in a relationship.

I'm not trying to bring you down or anything, but I remember from your old posts that you were smitten with that other guy the same way. And, you took everything nice that he said to you to heart.

[thelittlepanda]

He could have feelings. I don't think that age particularly makes you more or less mature. To me, most times its how your life is, what you've gone through, who you associate yourself with..etc. If you think he is mature (at least online) then that is all that matters. I do know that at no matter what age, sometimes guys can be a little coy with their feelings..but then again so can girls. but in my experience i defiantly know guys can.

[Honour]

What the others said really. I think at 17 he might *think* he knows what he wants, but it's not always the case. From the ages of 17-23 I found I changed a lot as a person, and wised up a lot on a lot of things. He probably will too, and right now, he's probably loving the attention and so are you... and whilst age gaps aren't so bad as you get older, 17 and 23 is a little too young when he's got a lot less life experience than you do.

[Elizabeth123]

You've been given some very good advice. Stay friends but for now let him grow and mature into a man. Best wishes to you.

[Chris516]

He is in college as they say in the uk, I don't believe he has plans of going to University as he will soon inherit a family business just for one more detail, also thank you so much guys for the opinions. Chris516 you had me laughing so much with your illustration thanks for that...

I am glad I got you to laugh!!!

While Chris does have some points, I'm going to agree with the others. He's still technically a kid. He hasn't experienced anything yet. Anna Nicole was already in her 30s and no doubt changed so much since she was 17. Alan Alda and his wife were both the same age so they grew and experienced life together.

The OP is 23. I'm not saying it can't work, but when I was 17, I didn't know a damn thing. I've change a lot since then and it's only been 10 years.

I've seen people who dated with an age gap and it didn't work out. I have friend who is my age and the guy she dated was in his 40s. I just spoke to her a couple months ago about him, and she told me they were really in love and he was the first guy she was actually steady with. Now, they're broken up. I definitely attribute it to the age gap because she liked to go out and party, and he was a businessman.

And, like R&R said...you're an older woman and I'm guessing this kid is basically still in high school. That definitely is a huge ego boost to him and his friends scoring an older chick. You're independent and more experienced than he is.

I think you guys should just keep talking and leave the relationship talk out of it for now until you can gauge his maturity level. If you're questioning him right now, then you already don't think he's mature enough to be in a relationship with you.

I mentioned those two examples. Because, The Alda's were very young when they got married. The marriage of Anna Nicole Smith n' Howard J. Marshall was an age difference of almost four decades My point about everyone respecting was, to point that. By everyone respecting everyone. A marriage at a young age, and with a big age difference could survive.

[JC2122]

You guys are a big help. But it seems everytime me and him agree to friendship it starts becoming so much more. It's like we are dependent on each other. We are incredibly close. I think we may have the discussion one more time to see if we are in the same page. But otherwise I think he realizes he can't be the person I want right now but he assures me that he will be the man I want in the future as long as I'm patient. I don't know why but I still doubt at times. But I'm sure as time goes on hopefully I can clearly decipher whether he truly wants to be with me or if it is a game.

[pizza_heart]

You met this boy what, a month ago? I've read your past entries on a previous relationship and i got a bunch of red flags going on you being clingy and whatnot. You had a whole thread about marriage, another about falling in love within a week with a guy from a chat room (and wasn't your first time at it ) now you're ~madly in love~ with a 17 year old after a month of talking. A 23 year old wouldn't just randomly say hi and approach a 17 year old in the real world. To me, and take this with a grain of salt, you are desperate for finding love and clinging to whoever is available at the moment and for some reason there is always an age gap issue going on. Maybe because you haven't found people your age who pay that kind of attention to you. It is, like someone else said, an ego boost for a 17 year old, something to brag about. and its a thrill for older men, finding a young lady who is interested in them. There is such thing as love/online dating addiction, and i would recommend you from staying away from the internet in search for a partner after reading your online dating history.

[JC2122]

Me and my friend actually have know each other for a while now. We started chatting again a month ago actually. And I never intend for these things to happen.

[sasad]

Then stop is what we are saying.... Your history speaks volumes. Every relationship you have had, you have been accusing the other of playing a game. And talking about marriage even after you bf never gave you his phone number in RL.
Honestly, listen to us and what pizza heart said and step away from the internets.....

[JC2122]

Thanks for the help everyone who has replied.

[JC2122]

I guess people are finding it hard to understand that the previous posts i have made were about people who never intended to be with me and who never loved me and if an accusation is truth then so be it. I now do not considered those relationships as they were truly games. I wanted to know about the person I am chatting to now as I feel so differently about him in comparison to my past relationships.
But anyways one cannot truly know what is going on unless you are the person himself, I do appreciate the suggestions and opinions.

[R&R]

Though they are different relationships and different people, there are patterns. Pizza_heart was trying to explain the pattern of your actions and very quick attachments.

As I am old enough to be your mother, I asked my daughters about your scenario since they are both only a couple of years younger than you. I will not give you their direct responses as they were blunt and rather brutal. What it came down to is that a woman in her 20's having interest in a boy who isn't even legal yet shows insecurity on the part of the woman and wonders why she needs such validity from, in essence, a kid. They couldn't understand why someone their age would want to be with a 17-year old and not someone their age or older that has more maturity.

I don't know if you have ever heard of Charles Orlando but he is a phenomenal relationship expert. He has a website https://www.theproblemismen.com/ and a Facebook page. I would highly suggest reading through his information.

[JC2122]

I actually like older men like 5+ years, I never imagined this would happen in all honesty, as I was not even looking. He actually does not brag to anyone not having too many friends and he is incredibly mature. We decided as his message said to talk until he reaches where i am In life and maybe join paths then, but he is an incredible person honestly, but I do see what you guys are saying as I have taken everything into consideration. oh and he is 18 in less then a month if that matters.

[C.C.]

There are people around the world who fall for people younger than them and where an age is just a coincidence and unfortunate circumstance.
But. They usually are an exception, 1%. It's hard to work and it's rare to even be legit.
You know your dynamics the best, however your fears and you asking this advice already indicates that this is getting quite far from exception. And I have no idea about your previous posts, but if it's as others said, I think you do really need to take break from relationships. For yourself too.