Skype, y u no good?!

[Happyphantom]

I feel like this is more of a rant than a need for advice, but apparently I need a certain amount of posts to write a blog so this will have to suffice! Obviously, if you have suggestions, I'd be grateful.

I hate Skype. I literally hate almost every minute of it. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing my partner, but knowing it's so staged and artificial really turns me off.

When trying to explain how I feel, I've likened it to window shopping. Imagine you're poor (as a student, it's not that difficult for me to imagine -__-) and you desperately need new shoes/bag/jeans or whatever, now imagine seeing said perfect shoes in a shop window, you're excited! But then the crushing reality hits you, you barely have enough money to indulge in the gourmet delights of canned soup. That instantaneous rush of joy is suddenly replaced with longing, bitterness and desperation.

That is Skype for me. My partner is there, I mean genuinely there I can see him! But I can't touch him. It's an awful feeling.

I am a mobile young-person, I like to stay active. I cannot bear being sat down for an extended period of time (seriously, I'm the worst person to go to the movies with), so the prospect of being perched in front of a laptop for any considerable amount of time frustrates me. Especially as my fidgeting is often seen as nervous energy or disinterest.

I read somewhere that a part of a healthy long distance relationship is continuing to make memories together, and not just reminiscing on the past. I study and sleep, that is my cycle. I do not make memories for myself, let alone the relationship, so I rarely have any input when I am on Skype.

I only mention it now because I have found out it is upsetting my partner. I completely understand; it must be heartbreaking to try to have a conversation with someone so obviously disliking the whole experience. Hence this post.

Now to the crux of it. How am I to get past this? I have already agreed that skyping twice a week should be tolerable for me, however, I get the feeling that I'm the only one okay with this. So where do I go from here?! How can I fall in love with Skype?

There is a solid eight hour time difference, so by the time he finishes work, I'm already in bed. The whole "do things together;watch a movie/eat a meal" etc just won't work.

Answers on a postcard if you will!

[hmrambling]

Is Skype really necessary? If not, would talking on the phone suffice?

I talk to my SO on the phone each night. We check in and tell each other how our day was. Maybe there's a solution that the two of you can agree on.

Finding time to sit down and talk applies to every sort of relationship, not just LDR. Also, every form of relationship requires some patience, too.

[thelittlepanda]

I COMPLETELY understand you...in the part where like your partner is literally right in front of you but you can't do anything, cause they are in another place, looking at you through another screen. It sucks, bad. Talking on the phone is good, you know since you can walk around and talk and not be forced to sit down. OR you guys could do facetime or skype on your phones and take like a walk together or something like that. Talking on the phone is a little hard for me because of long distance calls and the price of it. But I'd say try those things and if that doesn't work there are plenty of other ways to communicate if you really wanna make it work.

[Happyphantom]

I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels like that!

I do like the idea of calling, I speak much better on the phone, I just dread how much it'll cost! (I really wasn't joking about the poor student reference!). I'll definitely have a look into that.

Thanks for the support guys

[WarwickGuy]

Just add on what's been said, you can try using voice chats, rather than video chats with these apps, hopefully avoiding some of the technical issues of video chatting and the cost of actual phone calls.

Personally, I use the app LINE with my girlfriend, which is a great messaging, voice chat and video chat app, as it gives the user flexibility on which to focus on, while providing a good service and options in each way of communicating.

[thelittlepanda]

Oh no i understand the cost problems. When my guy goes overseas soon, calling is going to be irrelevant since international fees are insane. So skype is going to have to be my saving grace. lol. Yeah, I would defiantly try like doing like skype walk with him, i know it sounds corny, but YOU can get your exercise and stretch your legs and walk and he gets a happier less fidgety you haha

[MissingMyDutchLove]

I know the time difference is awful. We are 7 hours apart, so I totally get it. I do still strongly suggest trying to make a "date night" work at least once a week. It can be on the weekends if that helps? We tend to have movie dates on the weekends or start a show together. I agree with your quote that you need to make memories together. You really do need to keep dating!

[nelle]

I can totally relate I tell my S/O that talking to him on Skype actually makes me miss him more -_- So "close" yet so far...ya know.
Poor student can also relate - try WhatsApp, free talk and messaging app

We have 10hr and 30 min time difference - so when my day is starting, his is finishing and vice versa. It's tough!
i found rabb.it to watch movies, watch videos, etc together ...have yet to find the time to actually use it. he's a hard worker, i'm a full-time student and we are young so when he goes out with his friends i don't guilt trip him, and he doesn't do that to me. but it just means less "us time". but it also means we only get to Skype maybe once or twice a month...and boy do we cherish those times

[Chris516]

I refuse to use Skype. A relative that travels internationally, on occasion. Tried to convince me to use Skype, despite all the problems I was having with it. I told them that I refused to try. anymore, to get it installed.

They gave up.

[Honour]

Skype has its uses, but whenever it goes down, my SO and I've used an app called Viber. It's not as a good in terms of quality but it works well enough. Free texting, free voice calls, doesn't matter what country you're in. I can empathise too: 7/8 hour time difference between my SO and I, and it's a pain in the ass.

[C.C.]

Well, Skype is comfortable enough for me despite those awful feelings. Especially because I get to see his expressions and eyes (his eyes are the best thing I have seen in the world )
I watched a movie and finale of our favourite show the other day with him (it was the first time I ever did it with anyone while both of us were on webcam).
It felt SO good to see his reactions and compare it to my own during specific moments. So maybe something like that could work for you even though you specified it won't work? Like maybe, once in a while when both of you have time?

As for wanting to be active physically, maybe you should just take breaks every time you feel like it? If your partner understands it well enough, of course.
Or maybe you could just call during other activities, maybe you could cook a meal together or something, but that falls into the "do things together;watch a movie/eat a meal" category too.

I am lucky though, there's only 2 hour difference between us and it will be an hour soon enough, because my country doesn't do daylight savings.
But even then, neither of us are up to doing those calls too often, (not much time either, honestly) so that might be making it better and more special for us.

And as for that awful desire of being physically close to someone when you know they are just on screen, what else is there but to endure it?
It is kind of individual too, though, cause voice conversations feel worse for me in that regard, I can just relax more during it and the need of him being here with me gets stronger >.<

[LivingInWonderland]

I have never really enjoyed skyping either. I have always preferred using the phone because I can walk around and do things while I am talking to my boyfriend. I am very fidgety and I don't like to sit still for long periods of time. But my boyfriend loves skype, and I love being able to see him. So what we ended up doing is when I am at home and we want to skype, I use a Skype app on my phone. That way I can still walk around the house doing things, and he can still see me. I just usually prop the phone up against something while I'm cleaning the kitchen, doing laundry, etc.

I have always struggled a lot more than my SO with the distance. He copes with it really really well. I on the other hand haven't quite gotten over his absence since he was last here, almost two months ago. Skyping makes me miss him more, which is another reason why I have never been very fond of it. But being able to do things around the house while talking to him makes it easier for me to find things to talk about, rather than sit in front of my laptop and feel sorry for myself.

I don't know if this is an option for you, or if you have tried it, but it has always worked really well for us.

[Happyphantom]

I had no idea I wasn't the only one that disliked Skype! I assumed there'd be others, but from the people I've spoken to in real life I'm abnormal, they've looked at me like I'm demented.

I'll definitely talk about the phone thing. I think not being analysed in my every action would instantly put me at ease.

My SO is much better with the distance too, but then it was his choice to move. He's got his cake and he's eating it! Lucky for some haha.

[Miasmata]

I enjoy Skype a lot for the opportunities it provides to connect over the distance, but boy is it a badly made program and prone to technical issues!

As alternatives, I recommend Discord. It gives you both a chat and voice, and while it sounds a bit less good it's MUCH more stable.