Ex begging to get back with me

[Freebird]

I was in a long distance relationship with someone in a different country for around two years. Prior to that, we knew and talked to each other for around 5 years. We have never met in person.

Still, I was head over heels for him, but eventually that waned off as I began to feel like he wasn't as serious about the relationship as I was. I was so proud to be in a relationship with him, I told everyone. However, he admitted to me that he wasn't comfortable telling his family. He has a good relationship with his parents, so I thought this was weird. I found it hurtful. I was always first to text, always curious on what he was doing, always wanting to Skype... he just never seemed that interested at the time. Not to mention, I simply didn't see an end to the distance happening. I just don't think I could leave my country, and it is selfish for me to demand him to make the move. So I broke it off. Twice.

And so, this is the third time that we are tossing around the idea of getting back together and he has, more or less, been begging and nagging me about it. I told him I would think about it, and I am. It is exhausting.

I do still like him very much. If the distance wasn't overseas, I could definitely see us in a relationship still. If during that two years when I was broke and poor and in school (and I still am in school) but he had the money and opportunity to visit, and if he had done so, I could see us still in a relationship. If he had put so much interest in talking to me, telling me good morning and being curious about what I was doing like he does now back when we were in a relationship, I could still see us being in one.

But now I am very wary. I do not want to go back through this road of heartbreak again, the fear of the distance never coming to an end, the pain of having to break it off again. He swears if we get back together, he would visit as much as possible and eventually move here. I truly believe that is his intention, but is that going to be reality? I craved physical interaction and got none. I just don't know if I can do it again and I KNOW if I tell him that it would break his heart after he's confessed to me how badly he wants us to be together again. He is a dreamer. I am a realist.

Not necessarily looking for what I should do. Just looking for thoughts, comments, feedback. This is incredibly stressful.

[Honour]

Actions speak louder than words. If you're already feeling wary, then don't get back with him. No one can pressure/force you into getting back with him. It's your decision, not his, or anyone else's. It sounds like you already have made up your mind - "I just don't know if I can do it again."

[R&R]

If it was me, before I would even make up my mind I would tell him that he needs to come visit and tell his family about me & introduce me on Skype. If he can't do that, then the answer would be an immediate no.

[Ejoriah]

I completely agree with R&R. You broke it off with him because of very specific reasons, and they need to be addressed before you consider giving it another shot.

[sasad]

..and again, if you need to ask, then you already know the answer in your heart...
I agree he needs to plan a meet up etc.

[Chris516]

I have to agree, with him. In one respect. It doesn't need to be announced to the world. Sure, One can be deliriously happy. But everyone in the world doesn't need to know about it. Other people knowing about it, from the U.S. President, British Prime Minister, and French President to, German Chancellor, Italian Prime Minister, and the King of Norway. Will not affect your employment status, taxes, transportation, or grocery bill.

Since, This would be the third go-around for you two. A song comes to mind https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYHMZqt8uUM

[Freebird]

If it was me, before I would even make up my mind I would tell him that he needs to come visit and tell his family about me & introduce me on Skype. If he can't do that, then the answer would be an immediate no.

I think this is very reasonable and a good idea, actually. If I see an effort and not just talk, I would definitely give us another try. On the flip side, I wonder if he would even make the effort of visiting if I didn't give him a solid "yes, I'll get back with you".

I have to agree, with him. In one respect. It doesn't need to be announced to the world. Sure, One can be deliriously happy. But everyone in the world doesn't need to know about it. Other people knowing about it, from the U.S. President, British Prime Minister, and French President to, German Chancellor, Italian Prime Minister, and the King of Norway. Will not affect your employment status, taxes, transportation, or grocery bill.

Since, This would be the third go-around for you two. A song comes to mind https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYHMZqt8uUM

It isn't that the world needs to know... far from it. I never said I wanted him to announce it to the world, although me being me, I would tell everyone because I was proud to be with him but I don't expect him to do the same. What I do expect is that his parents/immediate family know he's in a relationship. If he had a bad relationship with his parents then no, I wouldn't want him to tell them if he was uncomfortable. But he has a good relationship with his parents. So why can't you let them know? Are you embarrassed of our relationship? I dunno, it just made me feel a bit bad...

[R&R]

I think this is very reasonable and a good idea, actually. If I see an effort and not just talk, I would definitely give us another try. On the flip side, I wonder if he would even make the effort of visiting if I didn't give him a solid "yes, I'll get back with you".

If he truly wants you back and the relationship, then he needs to fix the issues that caused the breakup. If he really wants it to work that badly, then he will put forth the effort of coming to see you. If he can't do that, even though he has the time and money, then don't waste another ounce of effort on this one.

[Chris516]

I think this is very reasonable and a good idea, actually. If I see an effort and not just talk, I would definitely give us another try. On the flip side, I wonder if he would even make the effort of visiting if I didn't give him a solid "yes, I'll get back with you".



It isn't that the world needs to know... far from it. I never said I wanted him to announce it to the world, although me being me, I would tell everyone because I was proud to be with him but I don't expect him to do the same. What I do expect is that his parents/immediate family know he's in a relationship. If he had a bad relationship with his parents then no, I wouldn't want him to tell them if he was uncomfortable. But he has a good relationship with his parents. So why can't you let them know? Are you embarrassed of our relationship? I dunno, it just made me feel a bit bad...

I was just making a broad-based metaphor, for the extent of telling people.

If he does not want tell everyone, I can identify with that. But, I can also identify with 'wanting to tell people'. After my marriage crumbled. I started not telling anyone. Even if I was head-over-heels in love. Because I didn't want the barrage of criticism that got about my marriage.