LD BOyfriend gone cold

[Sunday82]

Hi everyone,

I am frustrated cause my long distance boyfriend is reacting cold. Recently I bought a ticket to see him but when I told him I come to visit him, he told me he is very busy and its very complicated when I come to visit him. Now I already bought the ticket cause a month ago he told me I can come when I want and since we didnt see eachother for a month I thought it would be time to see eachother again. He is just not very clear to me cause he can also tell me in advance that he is very busy this month so we can better see eachother a few weeks later instead of telling me after I bought the ticket.

I told him that if I knew that he is very busy I wouldent have bought the ticket.
He responded by telling me to do what I want, but that he is very busy so he has to stick to his daily program.

Its really making me doubt if I should come at all, cause he is clearly not looking forward to see me, so why go? On the other hand, he doesent tell me straight that I can't come.

Now I dont know what to do, cause if I dont go I feel I wasted money on a plane ticket (2 hour flight), cause my plane will go in 2 days.....I will visit him for 5 days so its not even very long.

[Cup]

Hello!

This does sound frustrating.
You two seem to not communicate well though. You should be able to talk to each other about decisions like traveling to see him.
I can only assume that the cost of the ticket to you means nothing. You should talk with him and find out when it is ok to come, if you guys decide on a date, change the ticket's date. If not...Does it feel right to go now? If it clicks deep down inside you, go. If not, it's ok, just don't go.

Sincerely,
Cup

[Elizabeth123]

How long have you been together? It seems like you should be able to plan a trip and visit.
If he has to work during the trip that's ok...plan a few solo activities and meet at the end of the work day.
I'm guessing you are both adults and sometimes you have to work or other obligations need to be taken care of even when you are with your SO.

[MeowwwMawww]

Hey Sunday,

It is unfair that he can't tell you straightforward that he doesn't want you to go. It is also frustrating that he can't tell you why. It is even more frsutrating when he says you can go over there whenever you want! I think you should have a conversation where you are heard. Because it is not fair for you to take your time out of your life for someone who can't even give you the time to say something like "maybe you can come over when I'm not busy so that we can spend more time together." He is just completely dismissing you and that disgusts me.

[sasad]

Hi There and welcome...
How long have you all been together?
And is it only a 2 hour trip from Europe to the US? Or are you both on the same continent?
Did you ask him first before you purchased the ticket or did you do it first, then tell him? Does he work or is he in school? There are so many factors involved that its hard to tell what is going on... If you are leaving in 2 days, that's not much time to figure this all out. Can you have a serious talk with him and ask him what is going on and if there is a better time??

[differentcountries]

I don't know why you assumed he would not be busy, you could have easily asked him before booking tickets. And he did not say you could not come, it is just he is buisy so another time might have been better. Since you are leaving in a short while I guess the tickets can't be changed. When you get there, it sounds like it will be wise to have a discussion around the routines of planning trips.

I assume he is looking forward to see you, but he is just a little confused (perhaps even hurt) as to why you did not consult him when the best time for a visit would be.

The fact that things did not go so smooth in preparing this visit does not matter in the long run, but you need to solve those communication problems before they fester.

[lilypad]

I don't know why you assumed he would not be busy, you could have easily asked him before booking tickets. And he did not say you could not come, it is just he is busy so another time might have been better. Since you are leaving in a short while I guess the tickets can't be changed. When you get there, it sounds like it will be wise to have a discussion around the routines of planning trips.

I assume he is looking forward to see you, but he is just a little confused (perhaps even hurt) as to why you did not consult him when the best time for a visit would be.

The fact that things did not go so smooth in preparing this visit does not matter in the long run, but you need to solve those communication problems before they fester.

I also agree! I don't think that he's being cold or anything. He's probably busy for real and he's not making this up because he's not looking forward to seeing you. I get that because when I have too much on my plate and my boyfriend comes to visit me, we end up having horrible time together. Okay, maybe I am exaggerating a bit but it is definitely not what we were both expecting. So, I think it is understandable that he's warning you that he'll be busy so that you don't end up being disappointed. I would recommend talking more about planning those trips and when is the right time for them so that you can avoid situations like this one.