Cheating Boyfriend :(

[MeowwwMawww]

I've been with my LDR Boyfriend for almost a year now. We met in a game online and it didn't take very long until we made it official. It was going great, until about 6 months later I visited him for a week. I noticed that he was very dismissive and cold. I didnt notice until 2 days later. He would sleep at around 4pm and wake up around midnight. Then he would get on the computer and play video games. While playing video games he would constantly type. One night he went to shower and I cyber-snooped because I knew it in my gut that something was wrong. I just didn't think that he could be unfaithful to me. I though everything was going well. I didnt see any signs of anything negative from him. He even talked about getting married and even met each others' families. Anyway on that night I discovered that he was plotting to "make things right" with this other woman and essentially break it off with me. I confronted him about what I uncovered and obviously he answered with lies. I was angry and betrayed... At one point I thought maybe I deserved it? Maybe it was my fault.

The rest of the week with him was rough. He would still lie about things I wanted to know about. He would make up elaborate stories to avoid confrontation. He constantly searched for her profile and completely denied it. I forgot to mention that his roommate was a part of this whole situation. This person who I was completely nice to even though his friends treat him like shit. I know that I shouldn't expect people to be nice to you just because you're nice to them. And I'm obviously not blaming the roommate it just makes me angry that this was all planned by not just 1 person but multiple people... In addition to that he (the cheater) couldn't completely grasp how he hurt both parties. He did not even know why he did what he did. So on my last day... I missed my flight and that's when he had an epiphany. Right then he knew he messed up. He knew he didn't want to lose me. So for the next 3 hours we decided to give it another chance. We also discussed that this woman will never be mentioned ever again. There is to be absolutely no contact with her.

The next day he contacts her. I think I might've been a private investigator in my previous life because I was just figuring things out left and right with ease. Or he was just bad. I found as I was snooping that he spoke with her again. I confronted him and he said that was the last time. I was pretty upset that the couldn't keep his promise. I gave him another chance.

I have to admit that for the last 2 months after this whole ordeal he has been trying. We have open conversations about what happened. Sometimes he is very regretful and apologetic other times he gets frustrated and angry because he doesnt want to tell me the truth. Obviously I still have recurring feelings that I can't let go or ignore. I do have some doubts about our future.

So my point or questions are for those who have been cheated on especially in a LDR.
Do you think it's worth it to save the relationship?
Will it ever get better?
Will there feelings of sadness and anger go away?
Can you really completely forgive and forget? How?

[Cup]

Hello!

I have been in a similar situation. Ex-boyfriend was in another city for a couple of months, we were 6 months in our relationship. He cheated on me twice. He admitted it. I forgave him. I weighed the situation. I thought he was worth it. I haven't met anyone like this in my life, he seemed so kind (btw he was a gamer too), we had SO many things in common. So i decided to forgive him for both times (different girl...). I found excuse that would work for me, like : he wasn't ready for a relationship , he had to get it out of his system, he was drunk etc... Nearly two years later I broke up with him for another reason, I found out later that he was keeping contact with both of the girls all this time.

What i concluded? I don't like sleeping around. How can i be faithful? All i want is someone who doesn't like sleeping around and it is not much to ask. And no, there is no difference if it's a man or woman.

What should you do? I don't know. Weigh the situation. Are the good times more often then the bad times?Although you have to consider the fact that he keeps lying. Can you live with that? Does he have something that special that you cant live without? Or are you just in love with the idea of a perfect guy?

I hope you feel better and this is NOT your fault.

[R&R]

I was cheated on in an LDR and I took him back multiple times. Though he denied it, he really couldn't once he got one of the women pregnant. It actually took me that long to finally be done. I look back now and wonder why I turned a willful blind eye to what was happening. Why did I forgive, forgive, forgive? Because I loved him and I really believed that one day I would be enough for him.

With that final episode, it came to me that it wasn't about me at all. It was about him. I could have been the most wonderful person on the face of the planet and he still would have done it because that was who he was. He couldn't be faithful. He had no desire to be faithful. He was narcissistic. He showed his true colors to me over and over and I chose to ignore them because I didn't want it to be true.

So now, if I am cheated on, it would be over immediately. No second chances. Cheating is a choice and a willful decision. I don't have the time or the patience for it.

[Unicorn26]

Kick him to the curb. You deserve better and deep down, you know it.

[differentcountries]

I just want to point out, he has not only cheated on you, he say he plotted to dump you. For me, that, not cheating, would be the end for me. I don't want to have to force someone to be with me. I will not begged to be liked, that is beneath me. If they want to leave, they know where the door is.

[Elizabeth123]

This person is not worth your time. You deserve love, respect and a SO who cherishes you.
Why settle for anything less? Kick him to the curb.

[sasad]

Only you can answer the question.. Can I completely forgive and forget. You have your own boundaries and only you know what they are.
I would not ever put up with that type of weasel shit. Some one LIED and hurt you, made you doubt yourself. That's messed up and that type of dude WILL mentally abuse you later in life. To use and involve e friend?? To do that multiple times?? Really???

I think you know you answer about all this. If you are looking for validation, you most likely will find it here.

Best of luck to you.

[TheSteelAngel]

I totally agree. This guy is not worth your time. I just don't trust cheaters at all. There's no excuse for it. He chose to do it and that's something you need to think about.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

I would also like to mention that LDRs are about trust! It's hard to have a LDR if you're worried that they will cheat on you...Thankfully, I haven't been cheated on by my LD boyfriend. I can honestly say that if something did happen I am 99% sure I would be done. Why? I wouldn't be able to trust him anymore. I would always be questioning why he wasn't returning my texts or who he was going out with or whatever else. I hope that you make the right decision for you, but just remember that trust isn't easy to get back once he's lost and he lost yours multiple times already.

[whatruckus]

Sweetie, end it.

I was with someone like that for 5 years. 5 YEARS. Guess what? The last girl he cheated on me with? Yeah, he married her. Bought her things that I already had, and got her a ring that I described to him that I wanted. He was unoriginal and a compulsive liar, and a narcissist. He didn't care about anyone, but himself. I bet he still only cares about himself. The best part though? He's not my problem any more.

I've heard it all before. "She's just a friend. I promise I'll stop talking to her. I love you and only you. I promise you that you and I will get married some day. I want to have a family with you. You're my one and only." Yeah, yeah, yeah...blah blah blah. He used the same lines on the girls he cheated on me with. Told them lies about me, that I was the one cheating. Reeled them in by telling them they were his "#1" and they made him "smile". Not only that, he told them he'd leave me for them, and that he'd marry them. That he "loved" them. He only kept me around until someone hotter, and younger, came along. Then after they rejected him, and started crap with me, he came back to me. And, stupid me...I took him back every time.

He is the biggest regret I have in my life. That I ever dated him and took him back that very first time. I should've left him when I had the chance. Then, maybe, just maybe, my self confidence wouldn't be crap and I was able to trust people.

People like this don't ever change. He's already lost respect for you because you agreed to give him so many chances already. You know what's going through his head? "Oh good, I've got her. She's not going anywhere. She'll never leave because she's so naive. She'll keep taking me back no matter what I do. Which is nice, because I can have my cake and eat it too."

[C.C.]

Cheating is not a sin. There might even be legitimate reasons behind it at times. Maybe not everyone is a pathological liar, I knew a girl who was in a relationship where her SO was truly torn in between two girls. Well at least they didn't lie, though, and maybe I am a bit naive myself, but.
But cheating IS disrespect either way.
Him getting back to you and then keeping the contact with that girl didn't mean that he wants you.
It meant that he wants you TOO. Doesn't matter if he's some pathological liar or just loved the other girl too, it still means that he wants BOTH of you.
Now answer this: Do you want to be with the guy who doesn't respect you, to whom you aren't number 1 and may never be.
And you said that after all this he still keeps getting angry when he doesn't want to tell truth right? How can you ever get complete trust back with someone like that?
Love can blind you, and so does optimism. But you have seen enough to judge some of his fundamental qualities as a person already, and that might be something that will never change. You shouldn't be hopeful that he'll become something he isn't in future.

[Miasmata]

It's entirely up to you whether you can forgive cheating or not, but the way it reads it was more than just a stupid mistake, he generally doesn't pay you the respect you deserve. You can't forcibly change someone, and if someone doesn't even basically respect you now, what reason would they have for doing so later? Find your boundaries and ideally, find someone who treats you and your needs better.

[lilypad]

Unfortunately, you are the only one who knows in your heart what is the right thing to do. I am sure that you have many friends telling you that it is not worth it but you still keep insisting that maybe he'll change and you can work things out. The fact that he couldn't spend 1 day without talking to this other girl even though he promised that he won't, shows that he is unconscious of his promises and his wants. I believe that he doesn't realize what he's losing and maybe spending some time apart might be a good idea. If he comes back and wants to work things out, maybe he has realized what you mean to him and you could give it another shot. However, if I were you, I wouldn't have high hopes because you might end up being heartbroken. Again.

[Chris516]

This is the video to Journey's hit 'Lovin, Touchin, Squeezin':

That Steve Perry wrote about a former girlfriend who in Steve's words, "She was out doing the dirty deed with someone else".

So, You are not alone.

[sasad]

This is the video to Journey's hit 'Lovin, Touchin, Squeezin':

That Steve Perry wrote about a former girlfriend who in Steve's words, "She was out doing the dirty deed with someone else".

So, You are not alone.

I am confused by this?
She never thought she was alone... there are so many songs about cheating. Look at all the Country Western stuff..