Do you choose who you fall in love with?

[WarwickGuy]

I agree with others on here who say that your personal choice has a minimal impact on who you fall in love with (although I do see that depending on your general outlook on life it affects how you perceive love).

I think whether you have a chance with falling in love with someone and then loving them romantically has to do with a connection that (in the long term) can't be chosen consciously. What appeals to you about that person is in many ways a part of you and your likes, while they are in control of what person they are. However, I do think you choose whether you want to put yourself in a situation where you let your feelings develop or not and whether you will be with that person.

Likewise, I don't think I love my friends because I chose to, rather our time together has made me love them and that came about from me choosing to spend time with them, not choosing to love them (although platonic love is different to romantic love).

[C.C.]

In my opinion, you don't choose whom to get attracted to but you do choose with whom you pursue the attraction.
However, even after that, you don't choose how that attraction develops and whether it becomes love or not. It's not like you don't play a role, but you aren't really in charge of anything, it largely depends on circumstances, the other person, how well you can connect with them and well, luck.

[Ejoriah]

There is some truth to it - some people don't fall in love with someone they've been with for a while or have interacted with, and you'd think that if love was a choice they could "choose" to love them. On the other hand though I don't believe you fall in love with someone out of pure luck, you do need to spend some time with them etc. And that is a choice.

[hmrambling]

I choose who I am open and honest with. I choose who I share my time with. I choose who I share my ideas with.

I am very unlikely to fall in love with someone who I don't even talk to. I would not fall in love with someone that I cannot be open and honest with. Nor would I fall in love with someone I don't share my ideas with. I also would not fall in love with someone who I don't share any time with.

This is also why I am a skeptic when cheaters say, "it just happened." No, it didn't just happen. That person who cheated chose to share intimate details, time, ideas, openness and honesty with a person other than their partner... many times hiding that from their partner.

In the past, I have fallen for people who were not healthy for me because I *chose* to share intimate details, time, ideas, openness and honesty. Therefore, I chose to fall for people who were not good for me. I certainly do not believe that we have no choice. Everyone has self will and everyone is responsible for the decisions they make.