Waiting, waiting, waiting...

[hrmionegrngr]

Hey everyone - ever since my boyfriend moved across the country I have felt angry and scared all the time because we didn't have a plan. Also he left without much notice - not cool. Still, we've been together for 8 years so it was worth figuring everything out (he was feeling very lost). Almost exactly a year ago he decided he wanted to move home so we could be together, but he wanted to wait a year so that he didn't feel like he was coming home defeated. His pride is very important to him. Unfortunately, this has left me feeling veeeery anxious that he will change his mind (which he says he won't -but he moved with such short notice so I don't know what to believe).

Has anyone else been in this situation? How have you dealt with your anger? I write in a journal and that seems to help sometimes. I am just tired of feeling angry and anxious and sad all the time. Am I being overdramatic or is he being unfair?? I really need some perspective!!

Thanks!

[Elizabeth123]

Welcome to LFAD!
Hopefully you can communicate with him. A relationship is built by two people.



Hmmm...just found your other post...after eight years I would expect more from my SO in the area of planning and communicating...

[TheSteelAngel]

Welcome to LFAD!
Hopefully you can communicate with him. A relationship is built by two people.



Hmmm...just found your other post...after eight years I would expect more from my SO in the area of planning and communicating...

I agree. If I have been with someone for more than 5 years and still have no clue what our future together is like then I'd leave him. Though that's my own personal opinion. You guys gotta really sit down and talk about what you want from each other in a long term relationship. Do you wanna get married? Do you want kids? etc.

[whatruckus]

Yeah, I agree with the other two ladies. After 8 years, I'd want to know what was going to happen to us. If he wanted to close the distance, when. If he wanted to get married, when.

[C.C.]

I don't really get the posts here?
He initiated coming back to OP and living together. Isn't that a plan?
OP's just afraid that he'll change his mind when the time comes, right?

As for what I have to say, is he still thinking the same about coming back? Is there something that makes you think he'd change his mind? My aproach would be to trust and wait for him and feel worried if he doesn't live up to his promise. I mean you are only hurting yourself with worry right now, about something that hasn't even happened yet and may not even happen (him staying there). Besides if he told you that he won't change his mind and if there are no actions that speak against those words, why not trust him more?

[hrmionegrngr]

Hey C.C. - thank you so much! I really appreciate your feedback. I think what keeps me feeling anxious is insecurity. Like I let myself think that if he could leave once he will again, but he has told me time and again how committed he is to coming back and starting our life together. Your words really helped me remember to stay strong!! I wanna work on trusting him more so I'm going to commit to that. Thank you!!!!

[hrmionegrngr]

Thank you everyone!!

Hi to everyone who responded! Thank you so much for taking the time to share your opinions with me. This is such a supportive community and I'm glad I found it.

I'm feeling more hopeful after reading everyone's comments. A really big problem in my situation is communication, and I sometimes need to remind myself to just talk to my SO about how I'm feeling. When I can't remind myself I turn to friends and to all of you! I'm going to talk more about creating a solid, reliable plan. Wishy-washy "I think I'm coming back on X date" is making me feel horrible, so clearly that's not working. Thank you for the boost, everyone!!