Some days are bad

[Cup]

Hello!

I think this is more of a ranting, i hope someone can relate.

Not being able to Skype due to work: "Oh, he seems distant, is it my fault? Is he falling out of love?Has he met someone else?
Why hasn't he contacted me? I sent him a message and he didn't read it..Is something up?"

If all of these thoughts were intense, i'd be worried a lot. Fortunately there are not,but still i feel a bit insecure when we miss a Skype date. Is this normal?
Our lives are so unstable that we can not talk about a future together yet and i think that has an impact on me too, but every time i think about it, it is true, there is no point on planning a life together when i don't even have one on my own, for say.

Well that's about it. I miss him and i do not have the money to visit again soon and neither does he. So now the only thing i can do is start saving

[R&R]

Hello!

I think this is more of a ranting, i hope someone can relate.

Not being able to Skype due to work: "Oh, he seems distant, is it my fault? Is he falling out of love?Has he met someone else?
Why hasn't he contacted me? I sent him a message and he didn't read it..Is something up?"

If all of these thoughts were intense, i'd be worried a lot. Fortunately there are not,but still i feel a bit insecure when we miss a Skype date. Is this normal?
Our lives are so unstable that we can not talk about a future together yet and i think that has an impact on me too, but every time i think about it, it is true, there is no point on planning a life together when i don't even have one on my own, for say.

Well that's about it. I miss him and i do not have the money to visit again soon and neither does he. So now the only thing i can do is start saving

Is it that you are really feeling insecure or is it that you are concerned because you missed the Skype date? They are two very different things. I can see maybe some possible concern if it happened frequently and that was unlike him.

My SO misses so many Skype times and calls LOL. He owns his own business and he may plan on stopping to measure windows for a job and only be there for an hour and the the owner shows up and instead he's there for 3 hours. He lays down for a second and that man passes out and there goes the phone call. He doesn't do it intentionally or to hurt me. I know how things are and I just go with it.

We haven't seen each other since July and not sure when we'll see each other again. He's only 1,000 miles away but right now it might as well be 100,000. All you can do is now it will happen and focus on the good things that are yet to come.

[Cup]

You made me count the miles!lol 1059miles apart. I haven't seen him since new years and we MAY be able to meet in August.

I was the busy one and had to miss the Skype dates.He is always on time. More than on time if that can even happen! Its just that we didnt have the time we were used to on the skype dates we managed to have (i was out of town for a few days). From 1-2 hours a day, one day it went down to 5 minutes. So i think it's just that i was used to talking with him so much?

Also it may be because while i was out i had several people hit on me, i am not going to tell him, not because i did something wrong, i declined, but because i wouldn't want him telling me how many times he is getting hit on, there's nothing to gain. So that made me think of how many times he is hit on and not telling me about and one thought leads to another..So already feeling insecure for no real reason, when he doesn't text me for hours (which when he is out its normal), i start feeling weird and even more insecure. Usually he calls me just as enthusiastic as usual and i wind up thinking "silly me" once again.

I don't really think i have a reason to feel like this. As i said, it isnt that bad as it sounds. I just miss him and when i don't see him or talk to him it feels like he is distant. Doesn't this come with the whole LDR thing?

[R&R]

It's different for everyone. Some people struggle more than others with the distance. Every relationship has different communication styles and spends varied amounts of time talking, texting and Skyping.

Someone posted on another thread a picture about a woman who was freaking out because her BF wasn't talking. All these things were going through her head "What did I do wrong? Is he upset with me? Is he thinking about breaking up with me?", etc. And what was on his mind? He couldn't figure out what was wrong with his motorcycle or car or something. The point being that women (and yes, sometimes men) will let their mind get the better of them when in reality, the issue doesn't even have anything to do with them. The guy was being distant but it wasn't related to her at all. I think it's a really good lesson.

[Cup]

Thank you!
I think i fall in to that category now and then. We will see. Usually i do, every time it gets a bit better. I hope this time will be the last!

[Teacherfairy]

Hi Cup!

Distance is hard, but couldn't agree with R&R more. I've lost count of the amount of times that I've worried that he's lost interest, or that he might have met somebody else etc etc. But then I speak to him again and realise he's just been focussing on work, or he's had a last minute meeting with a client. Or even just passed out - there is a four hour time difference for us so I can't blame him for it.

I think its normal to have those thoughts and feelings. It can be disheartening when you've been looking forward to chatting and IT doesn't happen. But I'm slowly learning that it's how you deal with those thoughts that counts. When I'm frustrated I now find something to do. I'll go to the gym or call a friend. And he always gets back in touch as soon as he can talk properly.

Good luck!

[Cup]

Thank you for your reply!
Its always soothing to know that someone else is going through the same only because it makes you feel less weird . I do not like feeling insecure, i have struggled with personal issues for years and overcame them. If it was a CDR it would be waaaaaay much better. Not that insecurity does not flourish in CDRs, its just easier to get reassured when you can actually touch him and see him and go out or stay in or whatever...

I try not to think about it but as the hours accumulate it gets harder. Today he answered, everything does seem like he was caught up in work and i am just reading too much into it, although i did see a small difference in his pattern, but i choose not to look further into that. If the pattern repeats itself then maybe its a problem. Till then, i do not want to think of it.

Thank you again!

[Teacherfairy]

I can really relate to everything that you say. Youve got to be really strong to tell that insecure voice inside you to be quiet! Especially with the lack of physical contact, as you say. I find I sometimes keep more to myself than I would if we were CD because it's so much harder to have these conversations over skype or via text. It just isn't always appropriate.

I think a change in pattern can be normal, depending on how long you've been together etc. Once you settle into a relationship patterns can change. But if it's making you unhappy then you should definitely talk to him about it.

No chance of organising a visit? That's the main thing getting me through at the moment. I finally booked one in!

[farandaway]

I used to be terrible always planning things out carefully and getting really really stressed and panicy when things didn't go as planned. My body started reacting physically to that and I finally realized it's not worth it. I needed so much assurance from him it's ridiculous. I used to pick his messages apart and make conclusions. This is all because our relationship took a different turn last year and we are no longer able to talk regularly. It's been the hardest thing for me to accept and I still feel very sad about it at times but I don't lose sleep over it. He's always trusted our future and he's been upset when it seems that I don't. Now I know for sure that he's feelings have not changed only the circumstances. He's very stressed as the care giver to his mom and I was only adding to his stress before. Now I let him deal with the situation and let him come back to me when he can. I realize that we can't go on forever like this but we have 4 wonderful years together and he's the only one for me and we have mutual trust. I cherish him in my heart until we can be together again.

[differentcountries]

Sometimes life gets in the way a bit. This doesn't seem like our year so far. We hardly Skype these days, I guess we both withdraw a bit. My mum needs a lot of care, is in and out of hospitals. It is really chaotic and all of my family is upset, and I am out of work after my job had a funding cut. He has his own struggles. Still... I like to think that our spark is still there. That he cares.

[Cup]

Everyone helped a lot! Today i woke up better and was even happier when he contacted me! I realized that all of these insecurities are because i miss him way too much. Im trying not to feed "the voices" (which are muted today).

it's so much harder to have these conversations over skype or via text. It just isn't always appropriate.

Yes that is a huge problem! What can you tell him? "I freaked out cause you didnt have internet for 5 hours? ". It's way too insane!! So i just suck it up and try not to think about it as i assume he does too. I have seen his discomfort when i am out with friends etc. So i think we are both on the same page.

Thank you all again for your replies!

[Cup]

Wow and i thought the other day was bad!
Today is hell!

I miss him sooooooo much and with no future meeting plans it makes it worse. I will make a piggy bank and start saving, maybe that will help.

I miss him so much it hurts

[Teacherfairy]

Keep smiling cup! We all have days like this. Just remember - the reason you miss him so much is because you care! And that's s good feeling.

Anything that can distract you? A film? Exercise? A good book?

[Cup]

Thank you so much!!! It really is comforting to know it's normal! Do you also think that they turn distant?Or is that just me?Our communication is a bit off due to both of our work. Is this the insecurity speaking?

Right now, where i am i am going to get distracted by sleep! Other than that, i try to watch a movie or get into one of my hobbies, but today all i did was sit under the covers for a large part of it

[Teacherfairy]

Yes I have moments when I feel he's being distant and it can be difficult to connect. These are also usually days when I've been less busy and had too much time to dwell on things.

How long has it been since he's been in contact? How long have you been together?

Our pattern has definitely changed. We used to skype every night for hours. It just wasn't possible to keep up to that with the time difference. Now we text throughout the week and try to have a long talk at the weekend. And in the meantime I'm focussing on getting fit for when I next see him and have to fit into a bikini 😁