How do you handle the distance?

[Clayton]

I'm talking about the days where it really sucks. We text and snapchat a bunch, and do Skype calls before bed at least three times a week. Sometimes we'll do Skype sleepovers, which is really nice.

We're currently 900 miles away, soon to be 2,000+. We have not met yet, but are planning to in July. (Which I'm kinda anxious about).

Physical proximity is really important to me in a relationship, and lately the distance has been getting to both of us, even though we did a sleepover just last night. How do you cope when just the knowledge that you can't even get coffee together drags you down so much? We have amazing communication, so that isn't a problem, but despite it I just feel absolutely terrible at times because of the distance.

Also hi everyone, brand new member here!

[yuunai]

Hi and welcome to the forum!

I know how it feels when the distance gets to you (and everyone else does on this forum ). As for me, starting a journal (written, not on pc, but I think it doesn't matter) helped a lot. I could write down all my feelings there. It's a way to get it out of your system, so maybe try that! Try and find a game maybe that you two could play together, if you find a good one time can really fly and whopp you find yourself a few days before the visit (If you have it planned that is.) Don't let it drag you down so much, try not to think of the distance even if it's hard. Don't make it harder for yourself by constantly thinking of these stuff.
Make movie nights, a dinner night, these are really good ideas

July is here soon tho. Why are you anxious?

And it's not the distance that's a lot, but the time between each visit, you will soon see that it's true make plans for summer, decide where you wanna go, it makes it more realistic. And one more think: do NOT overthink! (I also make this mistake and honestly I'm just making it harder for myself) If you notice yourself doing that, try to stop! Meet with your friends, hang out, make plans, take up new hobbies or don't give up on current ones, make yourself busy and you should be good

Hope it helps ^^ cheers

[Clayton]

Very good advice! As for why I'm anxious, I dunno, maybe it's a moment of truth? Like are we as actually physically attracted to each other as we think? Can we stand each other in person?

[yuunai]

Very good advice! As for why I'm anxious, I dunno, maybe it's a moment of truth? Like are we as actually physically attracted to each other as we think? Can we stand each other in person?

of course everyone would be worried about those things, definitely a moment of truth but!! it's only 7 March, you are planning to meet in July, don't ruin the next 4 months, including this one, by thinking and worrying about that so much when the time comes, you will see, there's not much you can do about that anyway. Take one day at a time And I think you don't have to worry about standing or not standing each other in person, you wouldn't stand him on skype either if he was that bad of a person (I think xd)

[WarwickGuy]

Welcome to LFAD!

I agree with yunnai, don't worry about it Enjoy what you currently have and be optimistic that things will work out.

Although photos are not the best way to work out someone looks, at least you have the basic idea you find her/him attractive. In person that will probably be reinforced even more. On the small chance it is not, then it's better to know and accept that earlier rather than later if physical attraction is important to you (which it is to a lot of people).

[Astysuphos]

Ahh skype sleepovers sound like so much fun! I wish my boyfriend would agree to that...

And i totally understand your anxiousness! I met my SO 6 months ago for the first time and we had been talking for 6 months at that momend and we skyped a lot aswell. I was very nervous because i was afraid i would disappoint him. (Im not very confident with my looks) But! It all came out perfect. Because of our long skype conversations we got really comfortable being in eachothers "compagnie" and silence. When we met up the first time, sure it was akward but withing 2 hours it was totally alright! Since you and your SO have been talking even longer im sure it will work out fine ^-^

Though, i wanna warn you... if you have met up, the waiting and distance will hurt lots and lots more since you get used to his hugs and presence so easilly. Its not like i wanna make you sad but you really should try to prepare for the goodbye because thats gonna be really hard.

How i cope with the distance... sometimes i just dont. I would just cry inside, feel depressive, eat lots and lay down on my bed waiting for the day to pass. Obviously thats not a good way so its better to avoid it. I try to meet up with friends more or family. Also set goals for yourself like learning a new language, maybe getting a new hobby, in my case losing weight etc. Plan your days with activities which will make you think less about him ^^

Feel free to send me a msg if you wanna talk more!

[sasad]

You plan things... Go on skype dates, my so takes me to the beach at sunset.. We cook dinner together, we play monopoly and scrabble on the Xbox. There are links here with tons of stuff to do.
Keep a journal too, and send stuff via real mail so you can touch it. Yes, there is a chance you won't click in real life. Small chance, but it does happen. You don't get the taste, touch, smell and really bad habits until you are together in person sometimes. But just relax and enjoy the now.
Yes, it can be difficult when you been together and then you separate, but again, that is manageable. I have shirts that my so wears for me that I sleep in. We skype sleep together ..we talk about our next visit etc. It is important that you don't wallow in your grief. Give yourself a day or two, then put on your big girl pants and live your life. It is not healthy to just sit there and be sad for weeks on end and that is not the sign of a healthy relationship. I'm not saying to stop thinking about him, just start thinking of yourself..I hope that makes sense. You both have separate lives and now you're just blending them together.

[Honour]

With difficulty, sometimes?

I think the longer you've been in an LDR you get into a sort of rhythm/pattern in terms of communication with your SO. You appreciate time more with your SO when they're not around so much, you learn to deal better with issues in communication and come to compromises/agreements based on concerns and feelings you both have as time passes, etc. You get used to the shortfalls and problems being in an LDR can present, and thus you work around them. Make adjustments. That's what I've found at least.

[Chris516]

Daily communication