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    #1

    trust issues

    Hi everyone,


    I vivisted my long distance boyfriend recently and we had a very good and loving time together.

    But, everytime I see him he asks me the question if I have another boyfriend at home....
    When I look at my phone he also suspects me from having contact with other men.

    I always tell him I am not seeing someone else, but he keeps asking this question from time to time.
    Also after I visited him, he didnt reply and read my messages for over a week.
    I texted just some normal things, short nice messages nothing heavy or long texted mails.

    Could he be hiding something himself, because he doesen't trust me?
    Why is he not responding my texts for over a week? I find it strange he is having a good time with me when I visit him and after that he just acts like I am not excisting.... also he tells me he is serious about the relationship cause he talks about future plans with me.

    What to think about his behaviour?
    Last edited by Sunday82; March 12, 2016, 02:28 AM.
    Tags: None
    #2
    Hi and Welcome to LFAD!
    Being LD is hard and some people can't handle the distance.
    The most important thing is to communicate with your SO. Without that there's very little relationship. Plan a time and seriously express your thoughts to him. Then listen to his replies and go from there...Also decide what you both need in terms of how often you text/skype/call, etc...it's different for each couple.

    Comment

      #3
      It sounds like he struggles with the distance. Which is fine, we all do. And it is normal to feel the blues for a while after a visit, especially if you don't know when you can see each other again. But he can't lax too much and not be in any sort of contact with you.

      Also, people can cheat or go behind another person's back. There is always the uppertunity that someone would do something like that. We all have times where our mind plays tricks on us, we misunderstand or our imagination goes wild. But he has to stop the constant questioning. Either he believes that you live your life as you say you do, or he doesn't. If you have done nothing to mislead him, you shouldn't have to answer to his mistrust. You can help him through things, but only if he owns up to being suspcious. Does he know any other long distance couples? We are very lucky in that sense that most of SOs friends are in long distance relationships, so that is normal for him.
      I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
      - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



      "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

      Comment

        #4
        OP, While it sounds like he struggles with the distance. He also sounds insecure.

        First Visit: September 2016
        Second Visit: January 2017 (Her birthday)
        Third Visit: June 2018 (medical conference near her home)

        John 3:16
        For God so loved the world. That he gave his only begotten son. For whosoever believeth in him. Shall not perish but have eternal life
        John 4:12
        I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

        Comment

          #5
          A lot of times people do project... In other words, he is doing something wrong ...not necessarily cheating..and tries to find something about you...
          I am not sure why he is doing what he is doing. I can't understand the no contact part after a visit at all. When did you talk last???

          Comment

            #6
            Thanks everyone for taking the time to answer my post.
            Last edited by Sunday82; March 13, 2016, 04:33 AM.

            Comment

              #7
              Maybe he doesent believe me so thats why he's ignoring me now.
              We didn't really talk about the trust issues.

              Maybe he can't be trusted himself, cause he doesen't trust me. Or he has been cheated on in the past. I don't know but at this point he is not communicating at all.

              Should I just wait untill he replies my messages, or send him another message?

              Comment

                #8
                Hello!

                Well it depends on what was the last text about. If it was a casual text, you can maybe send him a "hey, are you ok? its been a while and im worried/or even better, id like to hear from you, i miss you " something like that.
                But if the last text was like "hey why arent you replying" then wait for him to reply.

                I hope he does soon!!

                Comment

                  #9
                  This is just my personal opinion, but usually when your partner starts accusing you of cheating over and over they're the one that's cheating. It's like some kind of guilty subconscious thing. I'd be wary if I were you.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Originally posted by Sunday82 View Post
                    Maybe he doesent believe me so thats why he's ignoring me now.
                    We didn't really talk about the trust issues.

                    Maybe he can't be trusted himself, cause he doesen't trust me. Or he has been cheated on in the past. I don't know but at this point he is not communicating at all.

                    Should I just wait untill he replies my messages, or send him another message?
                    It doesn't have to be that complicated. Just tell him that you need to work together to have the best communication over the distance.

                    There is always the possability that he can't be trusted because he himself cheats or do things he shouldn't be doing, but you can't find that out by being suspicious. You need to give him the benifit of the doubt and engage with him to communicate. I am a fan of making things simple, so I would call him and say something like "Hi love, I miss you. I want us to communicate better, here are my suggestions on how to do that". If he is not picking up the phone/communicating at all (over, let's say two weeks), I would regard the lack of presence as him breaking up, because you can't have a relationship without communication.
                    I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                    - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                    "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Originally posted by TheSteelAngel View Post
                      This is just my personal opinion, but usually when your partner starts accusing you of cheating over and over they're the one that's cheating. It's like some kind of guilty subconscious thing. I'd be wary if I were you.
                      This is pretty true. But, for me, with my Ex that was an asshole...I always thought he was cheating because he was. Lol.

                      But, in your case, either he is super duper insecure, or what TheSteelAngel said. Because, if you've given him no reason to doubt you, then he shouldn't be freaking out on you the way he is.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        I have some questions, but first want to say that I am a stranger on the internet and would suggest that you and your partner clearly communicate about whatever problems you are having.

                        Have the two of you clearly communicated about being exclusive and what it means for each of you to be exclusive? So many times we see folks who assume that they are boyfriend and girlfriend because they have dated for x amount of time. Have each of you defined what exclusivity means?

                        Do you have open communication so that if/when you have a disagreement that the other feels safe and comfortable to express his/her feelings? What are some things you can do to encourage open communication?

                        What does it say to you that he has stopped communication? Is this a behavior that he exhibited before?

                        There are different stages in relationships, and a great deal of dating is getting to know someone. You are more likely to know about your partner's behavior than strangers on the internet. All we have is your perspective. I encourage you to open communication and if he refuses, then establish your ground rules about what you need in a relationship.

                        Shutting down can be a sign of immaturity and unwillingness to work through things. I fell victim to shutting down in the past when I was unwilling to resolve issues. When I was unwilling to have open communication, I was not in a good position to have a healthy relationship.

                        Comment

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