New to Long Distance - Communication Issues
About Me:
I have a job which allows me to work from anywhere. The woman I am interested in is aware of this.
Back Story
Met a young woman about a year ago. We both live in the same apartment complex (she worked their - we weren't allowed to date). Fast forward to May of last year, she informed me she was moving to California. I was disappointed but happy for her. I wrote her a letter explaining how I felt about her and wished her luck (goodbye letter). After she read it, she Facebook friended me and messaged me. She basically told me sorry we couldn't work out and to keep in touch. I said I understood why and I will definitely keep in touch. Fast forward some more...we keep in touch and message every now and then. I messaged her something funny for Valentine's Day (Feb. 2016) and that's when she informed me she would be in town next weekend and we should meet up for drinks. I, of course, said yes.
Our First Meetup Since She Moved:
When I saw her, we hugged and she introduced me to her friends. I talked to her friends and bought a couple rounds of drinks...etc. I talked to the woman I was interested in when I had my chances. So the night is coming to a close and she says so will I see you when I come back in town next time. I said yeah, I should be available just let me know. She then asked if I would be coming out to California anytime soon. I said I planned to visit my brother sometime this year so I would let her know. She said hopefully soon. We said our goodbyes and went our separate ways.
The Next Evening:
She messages me via Facebook and says that she'll be in town in June for a wedding and she would like to hangout if I was around. I said of course, I could even be your date. I also said that the next time I come out to California it wouldn't be to visit family but to visit you. How do you feel about that. She said Yes on both counts. I said great. I was thinking a long weekend. Send me some dates. She said likely April (we were both busy in March). I said perfect and told her to keep me posted. She told me definitely. The next day, I got her number and told her I would like to talk to her once a week starting next week to get to know her more...etc. (explained it didn't have to be a long conversation).
Communication:
We have only talked twice on the phone since I got her number and set things up. The first communication lasted 45 minutes. It seemed a bit long. The second one we moved the date because she is leaving the country for two weeks to go on vacation (exploring Asia). It was short, maybe 15 minutes, and I thought went better. We both seemed more relaxed. We text randomly but I'm the only one who initiates the texting. She responds almost immediately to my texts (obviously more delayed now that she is out of country). It seems to me like I'm more invested than she is. When we last spoke I said so I won't talk to you for two weeks (she's going on her trip). She said yeah but you can text me. So my thought from hearing that is I should text more and keep the phone calls shorter. I don't know. This is all new to me (long distance) and I'm not sure if this is just how long distance communication feels. We aren't dating. Nothing has been discussed. We're in this gray area I feel and I'm not sure what the rules are and how to proceed.
My Questions:
- Should I ask her what her best form of communication is? Is there a good way to ask this?
- How often should I text or call? She doesn't initiate the texts but responds right away. Does this mean anything?
- She answers questions that I ask about her but doesn't ask about me much. I feel like she is maybe not interested or just doesn't like talking on the phone. Does this mean anything?
- How should I go about reminding her to send me dates for meeting up in April? It's early yet but I like having a plan (plus I need to book a flight). I'm not so sure that she is that kind of person.
- Should I confront her about what her expectations are between now and April (if we even meetup)? I feel like we aren't connecting and when you're not connecting you lose interest. I'm used to meeting in person and connecting face to face.
- Should I ask if she has ever been in a LDR? And then proceed to ask her about her best form of communication from there.
I'm a bit lost as to how to handle the distance and connecting with her between now and April. I would like to be able to meetup with her in April to get some one on one time so we can decide if we like each other enough to continue or just be friends.
Thank you in advance for your advice!
I have a job which allows me to work from anywhere. The woman I am interested in is aware of this.
Back Story
Met a young woman about a year ago. We both live in the same apartment complex (she worked their - we weren't allowed to date). Fast forward to May of last year, she informed me she was moving to California. I was disappointed but happy for her. I wrote her a letter explaining how I felt about her and wished her luck (goodbye letter). After she read it, she Facebook friended me and messaged me. She basically told me sorry we couldn't work out and to keep in touch. I said I understood why and I will definitely keep in touch. Fast forward some more...we keep in touch and message every now and then. I messaged her something funny for Valentine's Day (Feb. 2016) and that's when she informed me she would be in town next weekend and we should meet up for drinks. I, of course, said yes.
Our First Meetup Since She Moved:
When I saw her, we hugged and she introduced me to her friends. I talked to her friends and bought a couple rounds of drinks...etc. I talked to the woman I was interested in when I had my chances. So the night is coming to a close and she says so will I see you when I come back in town next time. I said yeah, I should be available just let me know. She then asked if I would be coming out to California anytime soon. I said I planned to visit my brother sometime this year so I would let her know. She said hopefully soon. We said our goodbyes and went our separate ways.
The Next Evening:
She messages me via Facebook and says that she'll be in town in June for a wedding and she would like to hangout if I was around. I said of course, I could even be your date. I also said that the next time I come out to California it wouldn't be to visit family but to visit you. How do you feel about that. She said Yes on both counts. I said great. I was thinking a long weekend. Send me some dates. She said likely April (we were both busy in March). I said perfect and told her to keep me posted. She told me definitely. The next day, I got her number and told her I would like to talk to her once a week starting next week to get to know her more...etc. (explained it didn't have to be a long conversation).
Communication:
We have only talked twice on the phone since I got her number and set things up. The first communication lasted 45 minutes. It seemed a bit long. The second one we moved the date because she is leaving the country for two weeks to go on vacation (exploring Asia). It was short, maybe 15 minutes, and I thought went better. We both seemed more relaxed. We text randomly but I'm the only one who initiates the texting. She responds almost immediately to my texts (obviously more delayed now that she is out of country). It seems to me like I'm more invested than she is. When we last spoke I said so I won't talk to you for two weeks (she's going on her trip). She said yeah but you can text me. So my thought from hearing that is I should text more and keep the phone calls shorter. I don't know. This is all new to me (long distance) and I'm not sure if this is just how long distance communication feels. We aren't dating. Nothing has been discussed. We're in this gray area I feel and I'm not sure what the rules are and how to proceed.
My Questions:
- Should I ask her what her best form of communication is? Is there a good way to ask this?
- How often should I text or call? She doesn't initiate the texts but responds right away. Does this mean anything?
- She answers questions that I ask about her but doesn't ask about me much. I feel like she is maybe not interested or just doesn't like talking on the phone. Does this mean anything?
- How should I go about reminding her to send me dates for meeting up in April? It's early yet but I like having a plan (plus I need to book a flight). I'm not so sure that she is that kind of person.
- Should I confront her about what her expectations are between now and April (if we even meetup)? I feel like we aren't connecting and when you're not connecting you lose interest. I'm used to meeting in person and connecting face to face.
- Should I ask if she has ever been in a LDR? And then proceed to ask her about her best form of communication from there.
I'm a bit lost as to how to handle the distance and connecting with her between now and April. I would like to be able to meetup with her in April to get some one on one time so we can decide if we like each other enough to continue or just be friends.
Thank you in advance for your advice!
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