Help not burning bridges

[Tede]

I'm looking for advice on how to handle difficult and largely irrational family members since I'm at my wit's end dealing with them.

I'm just finishing up my MS degree (I hope) and am going to see my SO for the first time in July for about two weeks. Now, though I obviously don't need my parents' permission to head over to Poland, I would like a semblance of them begrudgingly being on board with the situation, especially if my SO and I end up having a life together. Still, they have a few objections to the whole situation, namely

1. I'm going to Poland for 2 weeks and they hear all sorts of horror stories about catfishing and people going missing.
2. They think it's too early in my life to be *this* serious about someone, granted all we're trying to do is meet a few times.
3. I haven't been in a genuinely romantic relationship before this one, and as such they think it's silly for me to cut myself off from people around me for the sake of a person across the ocean.
4. They haven't explicitly said this, but they fear that by virtue of finding a girlfriend from somewhere far away, I won't be living near them in the future (even though I haven't been particularly close by for the past five years).

among others that they like to produce on demand. Now, I've addressed each of these points with my parents, and told them my intention of going to Poland regardless, especially since they've know about my plans to do this for months. Still, seeing that I am not backing down, they are now threatening to hold my passport hostage among other things to prevent me from going. I know I can just get one reissued, pay for the flight, and just set off on my own and will do such if they continue to blockade me, but I would much prefer to convince them that I'm not flying off to my imminent doom/enslavement at the hands of a catfisher than leave for 2 weeks and return to a family that acts like I betrayed them.

Does anyone have experience with situations like these? If so, what did you do/say that convinced your family otherwise? If not, did you ever patch things up with them?

[whatruckus]

No offense, but your parents kind of sound like dicks. It grinds my gears when I see posts like this because I know what it's like to try and be controlled by your family, especially parents. My mom still tries to "ground" me when I piss her off, or don't do what she wants me to do. And how she's going to, "hide" my keys. Yeah, good luck with that one. FYI, I'm going to be 28 in 4 months.

I gave up trying to convince my parents when my SO and I were together, because nothing really made them happy. And, the only thing that could really show them that I was serious about my SO was to just go off and spend my time with him. It's definitely annoying and stressful to hear it all the time, so I get that. But, if they're not willing to budge, it's best to just prove them wrong and just do your thing. If they're going to be stubborn and not bother to try, just do you.

Have you Skyped and whatnot with your girlfriend? Could they Skype meet her? If I were you, get your passport out from wherever it is, if you can, and put it somewhere only you can find it. Or, get a safe deposit box. Do you live with your family? If not, what is the reason they would have your passport?

[Tede]

Only times I've left the country were on family vacations, and since I have a few other forms of ID on me, I never really needed my passport so it's just stayed at my parent's house. I haven't lived with my parents for almost five years now, having been at college the entire time.

Anyhow, my Dad at the very least seems open to Skype meet my girlfriend given the current circumstances, but a similar situation to this popped up a year ago, and my girlfriend was happy to skype-meet them but they just outright refused. I'll bring this up once again to them and hopefully something will come of it.

[Elizabeth123]

Welcome to LFAD!
If you do not live at home and are financially independent....just get the passport reissued...consider it a travel expense.
100% yes to inviting them to Skype meet your SO...if they refuse it's their problem.
You are an adult and it seems the time has come for you to decide what matters to you.
Show your parents a safe travel plan that you (an adult) have thoroughly considered.

[whatruckus]

Considering the information you gave me, I would agree with Elizabeth123 and just get your passport reissued.

[Tede]

Yeah, if they continue to act like this I'll just get it reissued. I just hope they don't continue like this after I see my girlfriend.

[sasad]

How many times have you tried to make plans to see her????

[whatruckus]

I think you should take a look at this thread.

https://members.lovingfromadistance....f-being-hidden

Let me know if something seems familiar. And then, maybe you two should talk.

[Chris516]

I'm looking for advice on how to handle difficult and largely irrational family members since I'm at my wit's end dealing with them.

I'm just finishing up my MS degree (I hope) and am going to see my SO for the first time in July for about two weeks. Now, though I obviously don't need my parents' permission to head over to Poland, I would like a semblance of them begrudgingly being on board with the situation, especially if my SO and I end up having a life together. Still, they have a few objections to the whole situation, namely

1. I'm going to Poland for 2 weeks and they hear all sorts of horror stories about catfishing and people going missing.
2. They think it's too early in my life to be *this* serious about someone, granted all we're trying to do is meet a few times.
3. I haven't been in a genuinely romantic relationship before this one, and as such they think it's silly for me to cut myself off from people around me for the sake of a person across the ocean.
4. They haven't explicitly said this, but they fear that by virtue of finding a girlfriend from somewhere far away, I won't be living near them in the future (even though I haven't been particularly close by for the past five years).

among others that they like to produce on demand. Now, I've addressed each of these points with my parents, and told them my intention of going to Poland regardless, especially since they've know about my plans to do this for months. Still, seeing that I am not backing down, they are now threatening to hold my passport hostage among other things to prevent me from going. I know I can just get one reissued, pay for the flight, and just set off on my own and will do such if they continue to blockade me, but I would much prefer to convince them that I'm not flying off to my imminent doom/enslavement at the hands of a catfisher than leave for 2 weeks and return to a family that acts like I betrayed them.

Does anyone have experience with situations like these? If so, what did you do/say that convinced your family otherwise? If not, did you ever patch things up with them?

I know the feeling in two ways.

1. When I was 35(2002). My (ex)fiance n' I moved from Maryland, to Minnesota. My parents' threw a fit. While I am not totally financially independent. I don't let them use $ as a bargaining chip to get me to not do something. I am not trying to portray myself as some 'wild child'. Just that I stopped letting my parents' use financial and emotional manipulation to 'stay local'. While having two (physical)neurological health issues since birth. I am the only one in my family riding a bike 20+mi./day, in high-speed traffic(no not on the interstate). The point of mentioning my bike, is that I got threats from my elderly mother, saying as long as I live under her roof. I do what she demands.

2. On the LDR aspect. My parents' keep wishing I would meet someone 'local', instead of 'long-distance'. They say I have the right to make my own decision, then they react differently. Wanting your parents' to fully support you, will happen 'when the sky falls'. Just live your life as you wish to.