Should I keep trusting?

[Jasonthree]

So I've been with my girlfriend for just over a year now but theres many things that bother me about our relationship and idk how to bring it up to her, she never wants to call me ever because she says she's too shy to make calls.. So I've never even heard her voice, when I talk about going to visit she gets defensive and mad talking about her mom would ruin it for us, when personally I don't see how anything can be ruined as long as we're together. Overall I'm just starting to question if she's actually who she says she is, don't get me wrong I trust her with all my heart and I honestly hate having this thought... I just don't know if it's the best idea to stay living like this, I've given up so much to be with her all this time and I always work my hardest to make her happy.. But I feel like it's costing me my happiness idk why I'm here I guess I'm just hoping for a way to feel better about all of this.

[snow_girl]

woah, woah woah, you've dated her for a year and have never heard her voice? Wth

[ChloChlo]

Well I'm not sure how to help you feel better about this other than to say I would be bothered by this too, and I think your concerns are valid.

I understand being shy, but a whole year without any sort of call is surprising. And I'm assuming no skype or video chatting either? It's also concerning to me that you're not sure how to bring up this important issue with her. Why are you unable to talk about it? It is an entirely reasonable request to talk to and see and visit someone you are in a relationship with. If she makes you feel like that is an unfair demand or impossible task, then something isn't right. Even if it's only her own psychological hangups.

[Jasonthree]

I've tried countless amounts of times to convince her to call me, even telling myself if she would just yell at me over a call I'd still be happy. She makes calls for work and I know if she really cared enough she could call me and I can't figure out why she won't, I want to do anything I can to make this work with us.. But I really don't think it's worth it to wait anymore lol, there's no doubt she's the one girl I've actually ever loved like this. But it keeps me up at night just thinking about all the possibilities and the wasted time I've spent trying, I really don't know if I'm just forcing myself now or what but I've never been more confused in my life before on what I should do. I've almost ended our relationship many times over the past few months but every time she convinced me shes working on her issue to call and I just have to be patient, I don't know how patient one can really be though...

[TheSteelAngel]

How can you stand being in a relationship with someone being completely text based for a whole year? That's completely mind blowing! I was shy too when I first got with my now ex. I have a phobia when it comes to calling people on the phone, but he convinced me to call him. If she feels the same way for you like how I felt about my ex then she should have talked with you by now.

[Elizabeth123]

I've tried countless amounts of times to convince her to call me, even telling myself if she would just yell at me over a call I'd still be happy. She makes calls for work and I know if she really cared enough she could call me and I can't figure out why she won't, I want to do anything I can to make this work with us.. But I really don't think it's worth it to wait anymore lol, there's no doubt she's the one girl I've actually ever loved like this. But it keeps me up at night just thinking about all the possibilities and the wasted time I've spent trying, I really don't know if I'm just forcing myself now or what but I've never been more confused in my life before on what I should do. I've almost ended our relationship many times over the past few months but every time she convinced me shes working on her issue to call and I just have to be patient, I don't know how patient one can really be though...

Ok...I have to say it...you are in love with your own thoughts and dreams....if you have NEVER spoken, skyped or visited this is not a real relationship. Find a person who can give you love, respect and the time to build a relationship.

[C.C.]

There are sometimes serious reasons for not talking on phone, but not when someone is an adult and not in this case.
The whole situation is a major red flag.

[Kapwned]

Have you seen a Facebook page? Have you talked to any of her friends or family? I don't want to say you're getting 'catfished' as people like to put it nowadays, but it's quite possible. As a fat girl I can understand the worries and concerns about people judging me for my appearance. We've even had people come to these forums basically asking us how to get out of a situation where they've lied about who they are and what they look like, but they still want to be with their partner. Honesty is the best policy and she certainly sounds like she isn't being honest about something. If it's been a year and she still feels shy around you to the point she won't talk to you on skype, either she's insanely insecure with herself, or she's lying, or both.

[Cup]

Hello and welcome!
I am so sorry you are going through this!

What you need to do is put down the reasons you love her. There might be a voice in your head screaming "WHAT DO YOU MEAN?THERE IS NO LOGIC TO LOVE!! I JUST DO!!" ....Well, yes there is. Movies and other dramas and stories has taught us otherwise, but true love is found by actually knowing why you are in love with the other person.

I have done this with my relationships (well since i realized the concept). Asking myself why i love this person next to me and why i am still with him. Once i see that the bad stuff are outweighing the good, I'm out. What i have concluded is that if you do not know why you are in love, it is most likely, just lust. Once you write down the "whys" it is VERY important, and this is the hardest part, it is EXTREMELY important to see if the "whys" and the qualities of the other person actually correspond to the other person.

This may sound stupid, but most of us, specially when we were younger, fall for the idea of being in love. We make the perfect person in our heads, find a real one that we lust for and think that they are the ones we got in our head. We then continue to ignore the strong facts that they are displaying, that shows that they are far from our idea of love, because we feel forced to "love unconditionally" (don't get me started on that). Notice the way you say "don't get me wrong, i trust her with all my heart...", you do not HAVE to trust her, you do not HAVE to love her. Both come with time. Time passed by getting to know each other. You can not immediately love or trust someone and for crying out loud, you are not FORCED to just because you are in a relationship. So , i am so sorry, i will get you wrong, but for all the right reasons.

Be honest to yourself and most of all be fair!

I honestly hope you are feeling better!

[Jasonthree]

So I talked with her today and really told her how I feel, putting everything I had into it. I can't lie someone said I'm in love with the "idea of her" but that's wrong I'm really really in love with her for who she is and how she makes me feel. In the end she agreed that it's been kinda unfair to me and we finally talked! I almost cried when I heard her voice cuz I was so happy, I want to thank everyone who helped me be true to my feelings <3 I'll be posting here later on in the future.. But really, thank you

[Stanislava]

Thats amazing!im so happy to hear that hope you guys move on to video calls next its amazing being able to see the person you are talking to.I wish you all the best

[Chris516]

So I've been with my girlfriend for just over a year now but theres many things that bother me about our relationship and idk how to bring it up to her, she never wants to call me ever because she says she's too shy to make calls.. So I've never even heard her voice, when I talk about going to visit she gets defensive and mad talking about her mom would ruin it for us, when personally I don't see how anything can be ruined as long as we're together. Overall I'm just starting to question if she's actually who she says she is, don't get me wrong I trust her with all my heart and I honestly hate having this thought... I just don't know if it's the best idea to stay living like this, I've given up so much to be with her all this time and I always work my hardest to make her happy.. But I feel like it's costing me my happiness idk why I'm here I guess I'm just hoping for a way to feel better about all of this.

If she is too shy too make calls. Stick with it, you do the calling. It is just a phone call. You aren't asking her something serious that has to do with a lifetime. Eventually she will be willing to 'make the call'. The woman I am interested. Doesn't call me often. It is me calling her.

Last night. She went out with the guy she shares an apartment with, to see an 80's band called 'Missing Persons'. I didn't call last night because I thought it was too late, after I was done with something for the night. She called me after she got back from the concert at a local bar. She did tell me the other night. That she has a fear of flying by herself. I told her that was perfectly fine. Because the first flight I ever took on my own was at 10yrs.-old flying from Heathrow Int.(London, England) to Dulles Int.(Washington, DC) at the beginning of the summer, then flying back at the end of the summer. Long story as to why I had to take those flights at a young age, and why I was able to take those flights without reservation. But the point is, she is slowly trusting me more. Her fear of being alone is sort of 'across the board'. I haven't pressed her about. Because I don't see it as a big issue. I figure she will tell me in due time. But I am not going to tear my hair out about it.

I can identify with your girlfriend. As to living with her mother. My elderly mother can drive me crazy, and I wouldn't want to subject any woman to that. So, The fear of being alone(which includes flying), sort of works to my advantage. I will do the flying. My mother is really intrusive. I bet your girlfriend's mother, is too.

[ChloChlo]

So I talked with her today and really told her how I feel, putting everything I had into it. I can't lie someone said I'm in love with the "idea of her" but that's wrong I'm really really in love with her for who she is and how she makes me feel. In the end she agreed that it's been kinda unfair to me and we finally talked! I almost cried when I heard her voice cuz I was so happy, I want to thank everyone who helped me be true to my feelings <3 I'll be posting here later on in the future.. But really, thank you

Awesome!!! I'm so happy for you

[Chris516]

I've tried countless amounts of times to convince her to call me, even telling myself if she would just yell at me over a call I'd still be happy. She makes calls for work and I know if she really cared enough she could call me and I can't figure out why she won't, I want to do anything I can to make this work with us.. But I really don't think it's worth it to wait anymore lol, there's no doubt she's the one girl I've actually ever loved like this. But it keeps me up at night just thinking about all the possibilities and the wasted time I've spent trying, I really don't know if I'm just forcing myself now or what but I've never been more confused in my life before on what I should do. I've almost ended our relationship many times over the past few months but every time she convinced me shes working on her issue to call and I just have to be patient, I don't know how patient one can really be though...

I can see your 'if only' pain. Initially, I felt that with woman I am interested in. She has no problem with my calling her. But like you, sometimes I wish she would yell at me. Just so she would say something. Again, Like you, I want to do anything to make it work. Your just a little ahead of me. As in, you n' the lady are in a relationship. In my case, we are still just friends. Even though I did ask her if she had a problem with long-distance relationships. To which, she said she didn't.

The fact that she said she is working on calling. Is a '+' in my book. That means, stick with it.

So I talked with her today and really told her how I feel, putting everything I had into it. I can't lie someone said I'm in love with the "idea of her" but that's wrong I'm really really in love with her for who she is and how she makes me feel. In the end she agreed that it's been kinda unfair to me and we finally talked! I almost cried when I heard her voice cuz I was so happy, I want to thank everyone who helped me be true to my feelings <3 I'll be posting here later on in the future.. But really, thank you

YOWZA!!! You finally got to hear her voice!!!!!!

[HisLittleBear]

Yay that you finally spoke.