Left wondering

[canada_guy]

Hello,

This is my first post here so here goes. I've been in a long distance relationship with my significant other for the past 7 months now. We both met on an online platform that allowed us to chat in IM first and the chat in voice. Yes yes, I know, we met in Secondlife but it's been very intense for the last 7 months and we've been together every night since, watching movies and talking. We have both said that we love eachother and that we do intend to work towards something long term and ultimately where we would be together and try a realtime, in person relationship. We text frequently during the day and talk on her breaks at work. It's been very nice, however it's also been painful. You see, she has had some rocky relationships in the past that have made her ultra protective of herself and I understand that. She is also a very independent woman and does her own thing, which I also am very accepting of and also do my own thing as well, however, sometimes I just find that she isn't quite concious of the timezone difference in which I am 3 hours in front of her. I've found myself waiting on her for an our or hour and a half if her friend calls. Again, I've been understanding. Guys, I'm just at a loss here because I simply don't know where to go from here.

Issues I have are twofold:

1. I have not yet seen a photo from her and whenever I have brought it up in the past she has said that she felt pressured and that she didn't want to fall in love with the image but with me. There HAS to be a point where the person that says they love you simply wants to look in the eyes of the person they think about. I know I do. We are 7 months into this relationship and after dropping the subject for the last 4 months, I asked her again and she said she was ready and that she would send it to me. That was supposed to be last week at some time. Up until today, I haven't seen anything or even mentioned it.

2. Bringing up when we should meet has always been a point of conflict with us. I was always the initiator of that conversation. She has always stated that she felt she wasn't ready. When I asked back in december if she had any idea when she would be ready (mind you not making demands but just gauge and idea of when I can book my own vacations to that timeframe) we had a disagreement and her excuse at that time was that at the beginning of the year she is super busy and that she can't even start thinking of it. ok....I understand. She has a demanding job and I get it. Yesterday, I had asked her again when if she noodled the idea at all and she said that she isn't even thinking about it because she is starting a new and that she has to focus on it. So now I feel like I'm the bad guy for simply asking for an idea. I've given up on this topic....and simply can't even ask anymore without cringing.

We had a disagreement this morning about the whole "When are we meeting thing" that I asked yesterday and she is stressed about her job and "can't even think about anything but her job right now". I didn't disagree but just said that I understand and that it will be the last time that I will broach the subject.


Does anyone have any guidance?.....I'm pretty heartbroken right now. I'm at a standstill and feeling pretty crushed.

Thanks

[Ejoriah]

Honestly I see some major red flags here. 7 months in the relationship you should at least have an idea of what she looks like. The fact that she isn't willing to provide you with that makes me think that there is something really weird going on.

Assuming that she is also around your age, I find her refusal to even talk about meeting disturbing. I can understand teenagers having to keep relationships secret or not having the means to visit, but as adults it seems very natural that you would at least talk about meeting.

It seems to me that she does not want to make the relationship real, whether through showing you what she looks like or by taking the step of bringing it to the "real world" by meeting you. I don't want to say that she is hiding something, but her actions don't strike me as being those of someone who wants the relationship to go beyond virtual companionship. If it were me, I wouldn't be able to deal with it. I would lay it on the table and express that I need some sign that the relationship will be moving forward, and that I would walk away if it didn't. I'm not OK with being someone's virtual companion without at least knowing what they look like.

[Moon]

I'm so sorry, but this doesn't sound very good. As any LDR vet will tell you, a pic, or better yet a live video, is essential. She is hiding something. Whether she's completely misrepresented herself, or is someone else completely is very possible. Also, meeting in person when you have the means to do so is essential. Nobody wants just an indefinite voice-only partner, that doesn't even make sense. After 7 months, and I don't say this lightly, and will have others jump in to disagree, I think it's time for an ultimatum. How much more time do you really want to waste on something that may be made up? Sending a simple picture to someone you claim to love is not a big deal, unless there's a problem, you know? It's time to strongly insist on some video chatting, and I say that because I'd be very, very suspicious of any picture sent at this point, but that might just be me, being over cautious. Good luck.

[hmrambling]

I would be wondering if I was being catfished or led on. And I would also wonder if I were not being catfished or led on if the person I was talking to is emotionally available for a relationship. I would not want to pursue a relationship with someone who is not emotionally available.

Unfortunately some people don't know if they are not emotionally available for a relationship. Their words may say one thing, but their actions may say something entirely different.

If I were in a position where we both have said that we love each other and intend to work towards something long term and ultimately where we would be together and try a realtime, in person relationship, I would be asking her what her plans were toward that goal. I would ask her step for step what those plans would be, and which steps she will initiate. I would also explain that it would mean a lot to me, and give me some comfort to see the person on the other side of the phone.

I would determine if these are deal breakers. If they are, I would move on.

[sasad]

I'm so sorry, but this doesn't sound very good. As any LDR vet will tell you, a pic, or better yet a live video, is essential. She is hiding something. Whether she's completely misrepresented herself, or is someone else completely is very possible. Also, meeting in person when you have the means to do so is essential. Nobody wants just an indefinite voice-only partner, that doesn't even make sense. After 7 months, and I don't say this lightly, and will have others jump in to disagree, I think it's time for an ultimatum. How much more time do you really want to waste on something that may be made up? Sending a simple picture to someone you claim to love is not a big deal, unless there's a problem, you know? It's time to strongly insist on some video chatting, and I say that because I'd be very, very suspicious of any picture sent at this point, but that might just be me, being over cautious. Good luck.

totally agree with Moon. All of it. If you give her an ultimatum, then I too would be leary of any photos sent...

[canada_guy]

Thank you all so very much for your feedback. Its very much appreciated. I wish you all the best in your relationships.